Girls:What do we look for?

[AgapZoe]

Aha,after reading all posts on 'Guys::What we look for' ,I thought,why not let you 'guys' know what us 'girls' look for!
Being the thread starter,it'll only be fair if someone else started off by telling us what 'she looks for','she's looking for', 'she looked for',or what 'she'd look for'.
-God bless you saints.

[azurity]

Some girls think you shouldn't list the qualities you look for in a guy, because that would be limiting God. That's true, but there are a few things that I know will help me recognise him when he does come along. :-D

But, I aren't going to share that list with you. It's too personal to make public like that.

I will add, tho... it's not what I'm looking for, but who.

MAKE.THE.VALLEY.FULL.OF.DITCHES 52-0719
Now, this was during the time of Israel's backsliding. They'd got away from God. And then Jo--Judah had a king. Now, the king of Israel was Ahab's son, who had succeeded his father, which was--had married out of the Jewish people, married... Just like today when a Christian boy marries a sinner girl, or a sinner girl, a Christian boy, that--that starts something right then. See? Don't you get married unless you're equally yoked together with believers (You know?) to keep trouble down. See?
Now, when God made men and women in the beginning, He made their--their spirits then. There's someone for you. Just wait. See? All right. Now...

I know I've shared that quote before. I just love it.

I aren't looking. I'm waiting. For that right one.

Here's one of the ways I'll know him:

LOOKING.AT.THE.UNSEEN 58-1003
E-12 A few days ago I was listening to a program on the radio, coming to Sunday school, and it was a round table discussion with teen-agers in Louisville. A--what was one of the most important things, was a girl to find the boy with the curly hair, or the boy, the girl with the pretty blue or brown eyes? Did that make the difference? It seems like that that would be the great thing to a teen-ager. But that isn't the greatest thing. The greatest thing is find your God, your Maker.
Don't mix marry. Marry a boy that believes just exactly like you do, for after all, God is the main important thing that we are in the earth to do, is to serve Him. And if you do marry or anything contrary to that, you'll pay for it in the days that lays ahead of you. You must always remember, by faith and not by sight. The just shall live by faith. And we look at the Unseen.

I think that sums it up perfectly. Find God first. Don't dwell on these things, just continually draw closer to God, and He will guide you into all things. If I do get into a relationship, it has to be with someone that will encourage my walk with the Lord. There has to be a fellowship there that constantly draws me closer to God, not further away.

Ok... I better stop preaching now. :embarrassed:

[azurity]

Opps, I scared everyone away.

C'mon girls... tell your view too! :-D

[AgapZoe]

I know it's a topic a bit sensitive but hey,when are we gonna be open and free with each other as brothers and sisters? Do not fear,if whoever was meant for you is over here,he will somehow like you just the way you are,not quite understanding why! I love LOVE..genuine true LOVE!It's so beyond what the human mind can fathom! Isn't God,the creator of Love just but great?
Of course we all want God's will in everything of ours and well,"What we look for ain't an exception" or rather as Azurity has said it "Who we look for........"
Let's give them time dear...they shall share something,they always do! :) that's why I love them all..........
Oh..I love that quote!

[blessed]

There is another thread of this same topic...it was discussed at length..I will look for it or maybe Hotshot can help me..... He is good at finding lost threads. :D

[AgapZoe]

Yeah?Sorry,Must have not noticed it!We could always bring up the topic again if not boring right? lol

Hi Blessed!

[HotShot53]

http://www.yqnews.org/forums/showthread.php?t=173 is the thread you are referring to, blessed ;) Though like most threads, it is now far off topic....

[redeemed]

yes i agree! lol it is off topic!

[blessed]

Thank you..seee I told you he'd find it...but its ok if you want to run with this thread Halima i was just pointing out that we had one before

[HotShot53]

Lol, it's not hard to find the old threads, really, if you look for them....

[BroTrevor]

Is this a thread about finding old threads???

[HotShot53]

Is this a thread about finding old threads???

That, and about how threads go offtopic ;)

[BroTrevor]

the title of the thread made me believe it was something about how the girls were having trouble finding old threads....

[HotShot53]

the title of the thread made me believe it was something about how the girls were having trouble finding old threads....

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[redeemed]

the title of the thread made me believe it was something about how the girls were having trouble finding old threads....

that's not very nice!!:ng_thumbd (although i would like to know how to find old threads! lol:) )

[AgapZoe]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

This is really getting off the topic! Maybe I should rename it and well, make it "How threads go off topic" right? lol

Thanks Hotshot for finding that old thread for me and yep,it sure is offtopic!

Not to worry Blessed! We can always make it just what it is heading to right now: OFFTOPIC! can you believe this? lol

[azurity]

C'mon guys... we can't all have your gift at finding all threads. We're got to let you be good at somethings, you know. :P

I knew there was another thread on this topic, because I posted in it. But if I remember rightly, there were 2 threads on what guys look for in girls. So give us a chance and let us try running another one with a fresh start.

Let's keep it on topic, girls! I'm the only one who's answered the question so far. Who's next?

[HotShot53]

But if I remember rightly, there were 2 threads on what guys look for in girls.

Yep, you do remember correctly. The reason there were 2 different threads was because Joe locked the one thread after a while, to try to make people start new threads... so a second thread on the same topic was started.

[chocolateismybestfriend]

okay, i'll answer it lol.... c'mon girls :D

So the guy has to be or have:

1. fully commited to the Lord and the message of the hour.
2. the ability to freely communicate and express his feelings no matter what the subject.
3. willing to put the effort in; the ability to move past bumps
4. to put forth a positive atmosphere via actions and words
5. able to accept differences of opinion and desires, and not force his on me
6. to have some common goals
7. a sense of humour
8. does everything in His power to serve the Lord in everything and everything he says
9. sweet and kind, but have a backbone
10. willing to try new things

[BroTrevor]

10. willing to try new things

Even sushi??

[chocolateismybestfriend]

ooo i can pass on the sushi thing!

[BroTrevor]

ooo i can pass on the sushi thing!

So, in essense, what you are saying, is that you require guys to be able to do something that you might not necessarily do.

[redeemed]

require?? hmmm....

[chocolateismybestfriend]

So, in essense, what you are saying, is that you require guys to be able to do something that you might not necessarily do.



if they know they dont like it then its not new anyway

[azurity]

I gotta say it...

How do you know you won't like it if you won't try it?

(I can just hear my Mum's voice now... with a bowl of stewed rhubarb & raisins, or something.)

[chocolateismybestfriend]

I gotta say it...

How do you know you won't like it if you won't try it?

(I can just hear my Mum's voice now... with a bowl of stewed rhubarb & raisins, or something.)

One would only say they "know" if they had tried it ;)
I have had sushi before. I did a japanese class for a couple years in school... sushi is not something i enjoy.
Thus it's not something i would point out to make 'the guy' eat to see if he's willing to try new things.
He can most definitely pass on Sushi!

And to the "you dont know if you wont try it"... every mum says that lol... but we should say back, you dont have to taste a rubber tyre to know you wont like it :S.

[redeemed]

ouch! i don't think moms would appreciate that very much! lol!

[chocolateismybestfriend]

ouch! i don't think moms would appreciate that very much! lol!

no i imagine not... haha
and i would never have said that to my mum when i was a kid, she would never have stood for it.

[azurity]

I doubt my mum would EVER let me get away with it, let alone when I was younger!

So what you're saying, Sare, is... he has to be willing to try things that are the norm for you, but may be new to him.

Hmm... I could think of quite a few examples where that would come in handy.

[redeemed]

uh oh! i wonder what kind of examples those would be! lol

[AgapZoe]

Hm,can see we are getting somewhere! The man that'll be mine,First He should be like totally God fearing and after God's own heart!Then the rest will fall in place...
But just to mention a little bit of what I wouldn't mind if He had as part of him: 1.A passionate musician;
2.A cook-not necessarily to be cooking but to surprise me once in a while with delicious dishes!
3.Loves Kids!
4.etc.To be cont'd

[NeedGod]

1st things first, THE WORD! before we look for someone, we should seek first the Kingdom, which is the Holy Spirit. He should be filled with the Holy Ghost to overflowing
2nd, He should love me!
3rd, He should be what God planned and purposed for me from before the foundations of the world!
...........................................
i am in something right now but not really. we decided to watch and pray, although we like each other very much! This is because i only recently devoted my life back to God and i need to seek Him first!

[azurity]

uh oh! i wonder what kind of examples those would be! lol
Things like... "Where I come from, we have a shower at least once a week, depending on water availability. I know that all sounds new to you, but you really should try it, just once."

Haha. Ok, so not really!!

1st things first, THE WORD! before we look for someone, we should seek first the Kingdom, which is the Holy Spirit. He should be filled with the Holy Ghost to overflowing
2nd, He should love me!
3rd, He should be what God planned and purposed for me from before the foundations of the world!
...........................................
i am in something right now but not really. we decided to watch and pray, although we like each other very much! This is because i only recently devoted my life back to God and i need to seek Him first!

I love your first point! AMEN!!

#2 & #3 is where I get confused. To me, you can't love someone without getting to know them. And I don't believe in dating just for the fun of it. So how do you KNOW whether to let someone get that close? Same as #3. How do you KNOW that is the person God had for you? How will you recognise him?

But I'm so happy for you. You sound happy, and I know whatever comes to pass, will be beautiful. Keep the Lord always before you, and everything will be fine. God bless you!

[BroTrevor]

Things like... "Where I come from, we have a shower at least once a week, depending on water availability. I know that all sounds new to you, but you really should try it, just once."

Haha. Ok, so not really!!



LOL TOOOO Funny.....


#2 & #3 is where I get confused. To me, you can't love someone without getting to know them. And I don't believe in dating just for the fun of it. So how do you KNOW whether to let someone get that close? Same as

I guess, personally speaking, I'm not that hard to get to know. i don't keep stuff bunched up inside. (at least, I don't think I do - Do I sisTrev? Anyhoo...I digress..) So "letting someone get that close" isn't that big of a deal to me I guess.


Same as #3. How do you KNOW that is the person God had for you? How will you recognise him?


How did you know it was God's will for you to do anything in your life? It really isn't different.


QUESTIONS.AND.ANSWERS_ JEFF.IN COD SUNDAY_ 61-1015M
And so I would if I was in your place and didn't have visions from before the Lord, I would just wait upon the Lord and say, "Lord, now You show me what's the decision to make." And then, way you feel led to do it, then wait just a little bit, then wait a little while longer, and see which way, which side you lean towards, which way the Spirit... Say, "Now, Father, in my heart You know it doesn't matter; but I--I want to know what You want to do about it."
That's the way I do about meetings sometime. I feel kinda led to go this way or that way, then I follow that way. That's the way to do it, 'cause it's in prayer then; you're doing the best you can.
682-188 And I believe this, my friends, as Paul was in the--in the New Testament in days gone by. He was between two straits, which way he should go. And he started on the wrong road, and he got a Macedonian call. And I believe if you are making a decision for God and do it the best that you can, I believe God will correct you and don't--see that you don't go wrong. I believe God will do it.


That is of course, if everything else is secondary to the Will of the Lord Jesus in your life. Of course you are going to care about it if you are emotionally attached to someone...(that's why you start praying BEFORE you get into a relationship)...but the important thing is that you are able to put your emotions into proper subjection to the leading of the Lord.

[AgapZoe]

How did you know it was God's will for you to do anything in your life? It really isn't different.


QUESTIONS.AND.ANSWERS_ JEFF.IN COD SUNDAY_ 61-1015M
And so I would if I was in your place and didn't have visions from before the Lord, I would just wait upon the Lord and say, "Lord, now You show me what's the decision to make." And then, way you feel led to do it, then wait just a little bit, then wait a little while longer, and see which way, which side you lean towards, which way the Spirit... Say, "Now, Father, in my heart You know it doesn't matter; but I--I want to know what You want to do about it."
That's the way I do about meetings sometime. I feel kinda led to go this way or that way, then I follow that way. That's the way to do it, 'cause it's in prayer then; you're doing the best you can.
682-188 And I believe this, my friends, as Paul was in the--in the New Testament in days gone by. He was between two straits, which way he should go. And he started on the wrong road, and he got a Macedonian call. And I believe if you are making a decision for God and do it the best that you can, I believe God will correct you and don't--see that you don't go wrong. I believe God will do it.


That is of course, if everything else is secondary to the Will of the Lord Jesus in your life. Of course you are going to care about it if you are emotionally attached to someone...(that's why you start praying BEFORE you get into a relationship)...but the important thing is that you are able to put your emotions into proper subjection to the leading of the Lord.

mhhhhhhhhh! True true ..amen!

[redeemed]

Things like... "Where I come from, we have a shower at least once a week, depending on water availability. I know that all sounds new to you, but you really should try it, just once."

Haha. Ok, so not really!!



yuck!! that one made me squeal!! lol no really. when we go camping i don't take a shower for a week but when we get home i sure do! lol i know some people who will wash their hair while they are caming but that's not the real experience so i just stay dirty!

[azurity]

yuck!! that one made me squeal!! lol no really. when we go camping i don't take a shower for a week but when we get home i sure do! lol i know some people who will wash their hair while they are caming but that's not the real experience so i just stay dirty!
I washed my hair every day when we were camping.

And while I'm at home, I only wash it once a week.

But, for the record... I do usually shower every day!!

[JoeC]

They say that leaving your hair for once a week is actually healthy for it - if you can get away with it. :)

[NeedGod]

i used to wash my hair daily but i was warned against it. whew, but i shower every day! no two way about it. i dont think i can survive at camp if it means not showering daily. whew! i think i would look for a spring or something and shower.
Alysa, how do i know he loves me? how do i know He was purposed for me? there is only one thing i will do, i will seek first the Kingdom of God and His rghteousness, then all other things shall be added unto me! EVERYTHING! i have decided to do that now, because when you dont do that, and you are God's child, He makes you do it. Oh, and havent i learnt that lesson this past week? God through His Word has prvided answers to everything. just read the message and pray. you will find all, an i mean ALL the answers

[marichino_freedom]

i would agree with chocolate about trying new things. also, he:

be fiery for life, love, and of course God
must have a sense of humor
must love to travel
share similar interests
be able to debate with me
be able to lift me up in my walk, and i in his...

and the usual stuff: suave, debonaire, knight in shining armour, etc.... (j/k) :love:

[AndrewMichael]

i would agree with chocolate about trying new things. also, he:

be fiery for life, love, and of course God
must have a sense of humor
must love to travel
share similar interests
be able to debate with me
be able to lift me up in my walk, and i in his...

and the usual stuff: suave, debonaire, knight in shining armour, etc.... (j/k) :love:

MAN! Would you guys stop talking about me!?!?!?! .... J/K!!!

[EllyMae]

MAN! Would you guys stop talking about me!?!?!?! .... J/K!!!

:stupid:
(just always wanted to use that smiley) lol

[AndrewMichael]

:stupid:
(just always wanted to use that smiley) lol

WoW!!!! I just got so BURNED!!!

[EllyMae]

:training:

What? Appears the big bad weightlifter can't take it... lol

[AndrewMichael]

:training:

What? Appears the big bad weightlifter can't take it... lol

HEY! you're not supposed to know that.....that was super-secret Fort talk.

*ALERT* *ALERT* We have a breach in the Fort!!!

[EllyMae]

Umm, friend... have you forgot about your xanga? You only wrote a whole post about weightlifting.How easy you forget...Maybe you should focus less on your muscles and more on your brain? :confused:

LOL JK

[AndrewMichael]

Umm, friend... have you forgot about your xanga? You only wrote a whole post about weightlifting.How easy you forget...Maybe you should focus less on your muscles and more on your brain? :confused:

LOL JK

Wow! My manlyness just went plummeting to 0....

[HotShot53]

Lol, sorry andrew... can't help you too much here, fraid Elly is winning the round ;)

[AndrewMichael]

Well you know what Elly....you're ....you're ....

A BIG DUMMY HEAD!!!

(that'll teach ya...) lol

[EllyMae]

GO ME! GO ME!! :yay: :yay:

[EllyMae]

OHHH that hurt.. let me tell ya.......

[AndrewMichael]

Oh, here's a better one.....

The fact that I have one third amount of post as you do.....and have higher reputation points. Oh! BURN!

[EllyMae]

Hmm... I'll give you that one.... :P

[joris]

hey, this isn't supposed to be a battle field :012::y10:

[blessed]

LOl...that was just tooo funny, but i have to admit elly won....

[chocolateismybestfriend]

im pondering the correlation between these posts and the topic...
:O

[blessed]

Don't ponder to much, you might get a headache

[joris]

im pondering the correlation between these posts and the topic...
:Oaround here, the only way to get posts more like the topic, is to start talking about the topic again ;)
me, not being a girl, I couldn't possible try to start talking ontopic here ;)

[collegegirl]

So here I am to the rescue. (first, let me note, that though that was a good pickup line Andrew, Elly won by a large margin. You sooooo opened yourself to that.)

As for me, I want someone who will put the Lord first, because if he puts the Lord first, then all of the other things will follow.

The hardest part I feel, is just sitting back and letting the Lord take control of everything. It is easy when you don't have a youth group not to get caught up in the whole she likes me, she doesn't like me, he likes me, he doesn't like me round, but it is hard not having a youth group when you start getting at the typical marriageable age because there isn't anyone immediately around, and generally we assume that because there is no one around, no one is interested, and we start compromising and forgetting some of the things that we believe about courtship and marriage, and the whole guy-girl thing.

Then someone who doesn't believe "happens" to come along, and you suddenly find yourself involved with this person, and maybe you might and maybe you might not catch it in time, but you find yourself in a position that you would have never let yourself get into a year, two years, four years ago.

I am not speaking entirely from experience, but I am speaking about something I have to deal with, and I am sure that many of you have dealt with this before. It is hard to sit back and wait on the Lord when your friends, worldly and Message, are out there, and they have their special friends, and they are getting engaged, and married, and you are sitting there with no one, (supposedly), and then you see other Message friends who seem to be compromising, and then it just gets to be one big mess of "who cares anymore?" and going out and just doing whatever you want. Then it gets hard to hold the faith.

So then you let go and let the Author of the faith hold you. And you rest in that Strenght, and draw from it. Hard, even the Bible says that it will be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run. Investments...

[BroTrevor]

So here I am to the rescue. (first, let me note, that though that was a good pickup line Andrew, Elly won by a large margin. You sooooo opened yourself to that.)

As for me, I want someone who will put the Lord first, because if he puts the Lord first, then all of the other things will follow.

The hardest part I feel, is just sitting back and letting the Lord take control of everything. It is easy when you don't have a youth group not to get caught up in the whole she likes me, she doesn't like me, he likes me, he doesn't like me round, but it is hard not having a youth group when you start getting at the typical marriageable age because there isn't anyone immediately around, and generally we assume that because there is no one around, no one is interested, and we start compromising and forgetting some of the things that we believe about courtship and marriage, and the whole guy-girl thing.

Then someone who doesn't believe "happens" to come along, and you suddenly find yourself involved with this person, and maybe you might and maybe you might not catch it in time, but you find yourself in a position that you would have never let yourself get into a year, two years, four years ago.

I am not speaking entirely from experience, but I am speaking about something I have to deal with, and I am sure that many of you have dealt with this before. It is hard to sit back and wait on the Lord when your friends, worldly and Message, are out there, and they have their special friends, and they are getting engaged, and married, and you are sitting there with no one, (supposedly), and then you see other Message friends who seem to be compromising, and then it just gets to be one big mess of "who cares anymore?" and going out and just doing whatever you want. Then it gets hard to hold the faith.

So then you let go and let the Author of the faith hold you. And you rest in that Strenght, and draw from it. Hard, even the Bible says that it will be hard, but it will be worth it in the long run. Investments...

Boom.

Stand strong my sister.

[God'schild]

[quote=collegegirl]So here I am to the rescue. (first, let me note, that though that was a good pickup line Andrew, Elly won by a large margin. You sooooo opened yourself to that.)

As for me, I want someone who will put the Lord first, because if he puts the Lord first, then all of the other things will follow.

The hardest part I feel, is just sitting back and letting the Lord take control of everything.


Amen

i couldn't agree more with that

[fredmaina]

there r some things you should not compromise when selecting a spouse like they should be a believer, but things such as height and complexion should not really be a bother. after all they will soon,very very soon just fade away.

[sneezy503]

Well I dont knwo if all girls look for the same things in guys but most of us Message girls look for boys that Love God and put God before us and before anything and everything. Alot of girls I know like to feel protected around there guy so he has to be tuff....
now I myself dont care that much about looks I just prefer for him to have day-dreaming eyes:thumbup:,a pretty smile, a good personality, loves God more than anything, he is athletic, he is around my age not an old grandpa :wheelchaino offense or anything but Im only 14 I prefer 14-16 maybe 17, I prefer that he lives in same state as me but I could try a long distance relationship if he is willing:) he has to have short hair no longer than past his ears....and most of all I want a SWEET guy a guy that says nice things to me and makes me feel like Im his #2.....well behind God and his family liek a guy that says UR BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU AND RELE MEANS IT! ;) and a guy that gets weak in the stomach when I talk to him or when I dont get to see him he calls and checks on me now this is my kidna guy of course I havent found him yet but I have my eyes on one of em:love:

[God'schild]

well kim i hope everything works out for you.

But i think that you should really pray about it and let the Lord lead you to the right or i should say let God Bring the right one to you..

Enjoy your teenage years as long as you can.

[EllyMae]

Got to watch out for that Kim girl... She's a bit "boy crazy".... Haha :D

[God'schild]

i think i noticed...

i used to be in her shoes.

[sneezy503]

haha elly u think ur so funny sometimes lol jk :dots: I am not rele boy crazy its just that guys keep getting around me and they are cute lol haha but I only like well lets not say like I think 1 person is cute soo elly :harhar1: in ur face haha I love u elly ur halarious well so u think




JK
-**kim**-

[AgapZoe]

lol............................

[EllyMae]

Thinking someone is cute and liking them are two different things Kim... ;)
And I love you too! :)

[God'schild]

Thinking someone is cute and liking them are two different things Kim... ;)
And I love you too! :)

you got that right.

[collegegirl]

Whoa, big difference there.

If they are good looking when you like them, then it helps. ;)

And to like them because they are good looking happens all of the time.

But remember :

Beauty is only skin deep,
Ugly's to the bone.
Beauty in time will fade away,
But Ugly holds it's own.

[God'schild]

But remember :

Beauty is only skin deep,
Ugly's to the bone.
Beauty in time will fade away,
But Ugly holds it's own.

Looks don't matter for me, the guy could be very hansome or not hansome at all.. As long as he loves God, puts God frist in everything and loves me that's all that matters to me.

[Anna]

Looks don't matter for me, the guy could be very hansome or not hansome at all.. As long as he loves God, puts God frist in everything and loves me that's all that matters to me.

I agree...some guys that I don't find attractive at all upon first glance can become extremely attractive to me after I learn about his character.

[blessed]

Hmm.. intersting thought there. I don't think that I have ever had that happen to me, maybe I will think more of them after getting to know their character, but If I don't find you attractive in the begining hardly likely I will.

[God'schild]

I agree...some guys that I don't find attractive at all upon first glance can become extremely attractive to me after I learn about his character.

I've had that happen to me... and it's true..

[Anna]

see guys...theres hope for you yet....
YAY!
:applause:

[sneezy503]

elly I know there is a dif. between liking someone and thinking they are cute.........I have always known that and I just learned that Im not ready for a bf quite yet cuz whne I was in NC some guy in the Message asked me out and I said iuno becuz I had a feeling I wasnt ready adn I prayed and yea so I am officially not ready for a boyfriend but I will be in Gods time:):yay: Praise God I had an awesome time

[joris]

I am officially not ready for a boyfriend but I will be in Gods timeit's great to know that and - not having a problem with it
God He loves you and you know He is so glad you're listening to your heart in this

<hey I'm allowed to post here right?>

[AgapZoe]

Oh yeah,you are allowed to..tis a Guy/Girl Thread...:)

[God'schild]

I am officially not ready for a boyfriend but I will be in Gods time:)

God knows when we are ready and when we aren't.. God has a perfect timing for everything and everyone.. His timing his perfect.. And God is never late he's always on time.

So when ever God decides i'm ready for a relationship he will make it happen, i don't want to rush God and his perfect plan for my life. I want God's perfect will in my life no matter what it is.

[AgapZoe]

God knows when we are ready and when we aren't.. God has a perfect timing for everything and everyone.. His timing his perfect.. And God is never late he's always on time.

So when ever God decides i'm ready for a relationship he will make it happen, i don't want to rush God and his perfect plan for my life. I want God's perfect will in my life no matter what it is.

Amen!............True true..no matter how much we want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend,unles we do not stay in His will,He'll always make it happen on time! Amen!

[Angelo]

I don't think this is the right thread but let me do it anyways since the girls are the one looking for here <grin>.

What do you think a brother should do if a sister proposes a relationship?
How do you girls think the brother should act?
How should he say in the Christian manner that he has no intentions?

I like this smilie :juggle:

[redeemed_lizzi]

I don't think this is the right thread but let me do it anyways since the girls are the one looking for here <grin>.

What do you think a brother should do if a sister proposes a relationship?
How do you girls think the brother should act?
How should he say in the Christian manner that he has no intentions?

I like this smilie :juggle:

ummm, give me a while to think about this one

[EllyMae]

I don't think this is the right thread but let me do it anyways since the girls are the one looking for here <grin>.

What do you think a brother should do if a sister proposes a relationship?
How do you girls think the brother should act?
How should he say in the Christian manner that he has no intentions?

I like this smilie :juggle:

Well, it actually depends on the situation, it wouldn't be the same for everyone. Also, everyone is different, different personalities, and has their own way of doing things.

I'd say if a brother is put in this situation and he is unsure of what to do or what to say, to just be honest with her. If she purposed a relationship, no matter how nicely he tells her he has no intentions, there will be hurt feelings. So, he should do it in the nicest Christian way as possible. If this is something that's really bothering him, there's always prayer. He should ask God to quide him in this situation that he'll do the right thing. (And that's for anything in our lives.) We should always seek the counsel of Jesus. :)

[AndrewMichael]

Honestly... I don't like the idea of a girl purposing a relationship with me.

That seems... backwards! Like Eve coming to Adam...

Just my thought though :)

[joris]

That seems... backwards! Like Eve coming to Adam...what's wrong with that?
21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.see, it wasn't Adam coming to Eve, it was God bringing Eve to Adam; so...
wait; so all the time it's completely wrong; girls, it should be like you coming to guys!
:yay:

[leahmb]

I know of a situation where the guy being pursued asked an older sister to speak to the girl. That made it less awkward for him and probably not as embarrasing to the girl.

[AndrewMichael]

Let me correct my saying...

Adam sought a partner first, so God gave Him a woman.

Adam knew who she was before she did, but he still took her, not her taking him.

He was seeking her (since he had a desire for her), she wasn't seeking him (because she wasn't there).

[EllyMae]

Honestly... I don't like the idea of a girl purposing a relationship with me.

That seems... backwards! Like Eve coming to Adam...

Just my thought though :)

I agree, I think it's more appropriate for the guy to propose a relationship with the girl.

However, I think he asked that because someone he knows or himself is in that situation. (Am I right? Or was that just a general question?)

[Noe]

i would never approach a guy and proposes a relationship. :peep:

[joris]

Let me correct my saying...

Adam sought a partner first, so God gave Him a woman.

Adam knew who she was before she did, but he still took her, not her taking him.

He was seeking her (since he had a desire for her), she wasn't seeking him (because she wasn't there).let me try to summarize... as guy you should make the step to the girl, which is so young she never hasn't been seeking anyone, because she wasn't there yet to seek :harhar1:

something tells me this is not your conclusion -- you select out the "make the step to the girl", but it's a small part of this unlikely senario

oh yeah, did I mention already I don't like the "make a step" part? :think: :rollseyes:

[Babyruth]

Well, according to what Bro. Tom told us tonight, I would "deck" the guy that got close enough to ask. :D Drastic, I know, but Bro. Tom said.... how's that Leah? :D

[joris]

Well, according to what Bro. Tom told us tonight, I would "deck" the guy that got close enough to ask. :D Drastic, I know, but Bro. Tom said.... how's that Leah? :Ddeck??
what exactly did Bro Tom tell you then? :confused:

[Babyruth]

Ok, so it was a bit of an exaggeration, on purpose. Bro. Tom spoke about lying. It was great. I never realized all the times when people are actually lying. Anyways, he then started talking about guy and girl stuff, like if a guy is getting too touchy with a girl, or too close to a girl, she should "deck him," or punch him. Me, being the way I am, say Amen! :D Get it, kind of?

[Skirty]

Well, according to what Bro. Tom told us tonight, I would "deck" the guy that got close enough to ask. :D Drastic, I know, but Bro. Tom said.... how's that Leah? :D

Anyways, he then started talking about guy and girl stuff, like if a guy is getting too touchy with a girl, or too close to a girl, she should "deck him," or punch him. Me, being the way I am, say Amen! :D Get it, kind of?

lol, getting close enough to ask is a bit different than being touchy.

[Babyruth]

Yeah, I know. But it was tempting.

[Only One Life, Live 4 GOD]

First and formost He has to Love the Lord with all his heart and serve with all his life and soul
HAve the same passion to help the underprivelaged like me
Love Animals
A Love for travel
Be Gentle yet strong fun but steady Quiet but well voiced
Be loving and Kind yet Rough and wild
Well MAnnered lol
HAve an apriciation for expensive china and a pride for his home
Oh and it would be a great bonus if I got along with his mother lol.

[EllyMae]

Have fun finding a guy with all those qualities... lol

I think the most important thing though is... do they make you happy? Are they filled with the holy ghost? Are you feeling led by the Lord to get married? It's VERY nice to marry someone who has a lot in common with you, but if you really love the person, you look past their "faults" or what have you. We all have things that we look for in the opposite gender, or things that stand out to us, but don't rule someone out just because they don't have everything in common with you. (And I'm just speaking in general, not directly to your post Only One Life.) :)

[eagleendtime]

opposites attract, but wow that can lead to some trouble waters. With the two loves; first God's and then human, then the compromises can be worked out.
Love tends to overlook a lot of things, that is why we have God given pastors, they can put in that proper advice (after you've done your part which is pray and read your bible [and listen to tapes]).

[leahmb]

Well, according to what Bro. Tom told us tonight, I would "deck" the guy that got close enough to ask. :D Drastic, I know, but Bro. Tom said.... how's that Leah? :D

I was in total agreement...I'm waiting for the opportunity that I am allowed to punch a guy...hehehe. Actually, maybe not, but it might be fun.

First and formost He has to Love the Lord with all his heart and serve with all his life and soul
HAve the same passion to help the underprivelaged like me
Love Animals
A Love for travel
Be Gentle yet strong fun but steady Quiet but well voiced
Be loving and Kind yet Rough and wild
Well MAnnered lol
HAve an apriciation for expensive china and a pride for his home
Oh and it would be a great bonus if I got along with his mother lol.

Wow! Sounds like an assignment I had to do in 10th grade--we had to describe our perfect guy/girl. It was kind of fun, but that's about as far as it'll ever get, because there is no way any person can meet the close to 30 specifications I put. I have about 2 now...Have the Holy Ghost, serve others, gets along with my family, ok, so that's about 3, but the 3rd one is flexble...depending on circumstances.

[Angelo]

Well, it actually depends on the situation, it wouldn't be the same for everyone. Also, everyone is different, different personalities, and has their own way of doing things.

I'd say if a brother is put in this situation and he is unsure of what to do or what to say, to just be honest with her. If she purposed a relationship, no matter how nicely he tells her he has no intentions, there will be hurt feelings. So, he should do it in the nicest Christian way as possible. If this is something that's really bothering him, there's always prayer. He should ask God to quide him in this situation that he'll do the right thing. (And that's for anything in our lives.) We should always seek the counsel of Jesus. :)
So, the best thing to do for a brother is to avoid having another confrontation with the sister to keep her from the hurt that she might experience (if she's really serious) until the brother is sure on how to approach her. It is really not a good idea for a sister or a woman to make the the first move, even nature does not work that way.

Thanks for your replies guys. God bless.

[cabletown]

Agree with all three of those things Leah. The boy should really get along with the family (unless there is a very unusual situation, but that is very unlikely).

Also the girl shouldn't be doing the asking in my opinion. Would I hold it against someone that did it though? No, they probably didn't know better. But that would show what kind of character and background they have.

Brings up another question how far should a girl go to get the attention of the guy? Especially when the girl thinks "Last chance I'll ever see this guy, maybe if I say 'hi' and introduce myself it might spark a conversation. And if everything goes as planned maybe I can give him my contact info." And I'm not talking be a show off here, but just being friendly. I've always wondered if really the boy should make the first move to approach a girl.

[Angelo]

I don't think that's wrong if the primary motive is just to make friends. I don't think we should deprive ourselves from friendship or acquiantances.

[cabletown]

Sorry, wasn't clear enough. The girl is probably, most likely interested in the guy and it hoping for more then just a casual friendship (if everything goes as planned).

I can see the sense to move while you have the opportunity and that is difficult. I really don't like approaching a girl and talking to her unless I've watched her for sometime (it's hard when you are thinking "LAST CHANCE!"). But for the girls it seems even more awkward.

[eagleendtime]

guys should make the first move. A girl that flirts??? If the guy doesn't have the guts to ask, than he may have a few problems.

I know if I'm interested in someone, I have to overcome my obstacles and face the music, even if it's rejection. If I don't try, well I know the results than, and nothing changes. If I try, at the worst I hope, is I have a new friend, and the relationship may go no further than that.

[leahmb]

So...should the guy ask the girl or her father first?

[Skirty]

i think he should make sure the girl is interested, then go to the father. But don't ask her out til he has talked to him. At least that's how I want it to happen to me...
(my dad is kind of scary, so it would prove hes serious :D )

[Only One Life, Live 4 GOD]

Have fun finding a guy with all those qualities... lol

I think the most important thing though is... do they make you happy? Are they filled with the holy ghost? Are you feeling led by the Lord to get married? It's VERY nice to marry someone who has a lot in common with you, but if you really love the person, you look past their "faults" or what have you. We all have things that we look for in the opposite gender, or things that stand out to us, but don't rule someone out just because they don't have everything in common with you. (And I'm just speaking in general, not directly to your post Only One Life.) :)

Lol my post well I like some china just I wouldnt want him rough and not care for china like many Aucklandites there all rough and they guys and girls play rugby and fight and Well those other qualitys I listed I am not it is the opposite of me also what brings out the best in me.

[Only One Life, Live 4 GOD]

well the guy has to have been talking to the girl for ages and well "court" if thats what you'd like to call it the girl should tell the parents that she's met a guy she likes and the guy and her should talk in chaperoned areas the strange thing is that guys and girls tlaking is like normal and they talk all the time but as soon as ones intrested it becomes suspicouse and they are courting if they so much as say hi to each other.
The guy should only Ask the father after he's already talked about it to the girl and then he goes and asks the father.
I mean its kooky having to ask a father if you can court is daughter thats weird and yeah...
You meet a guy you talk for ages about what you and each other beilive and then he asks you wether you'd like to court/date/be his girlfriend if you want to you say yes and you do so you court in chaperoned areas and then sometime if you do get some time without gossipers ears open he might ask about marrige and I dont exactly know how it goes but he asks the father after he's talked to the girl.
Thats what my brother in law did.

[leahmb]

well the guy has to have been talking to the girl for ages and well "court" if thats what you'd like to call it the girl should tell the parents that she's met a guy she likes and the guy and her should talk in chaperoned areas the strange thing is that guys and girls tlaking is like normal and they talk all the time but as soon as ones intrested it becomes suspicouse and they are courting if they so much as say hi to each other.
The guy should only Ask the father after he's already talked about it to the girl and then he goes and asks the father.
I mean its kooky having to ask a father if you can court is daughter thats weird and yeah...
You meet a guy you talk for ages about what you and each other beilive and then he asks you wether you'd like to court/date/be his girlfriend if you want to you say yes and you do so you court in chaperoned areas and then sometime if you do get some time without gossipers ears open he might ask about marrige and I dont exactly know how it goes but he asks the father after he's talked to the girl.
Thats what my brother in law did.

Hmm....that's different than what I've heard. I've always heard the ideal way is to talk to the ministry/father first (and there's debate on which one of THOSE is first.) I'd prefer they talk to my dad first, then it would be either not an issue for me or an easier decision. Plus, like Krista's...mine's pretty scary, he'll ward of the wimps or non-acceptables.

[Babyruth]

Your dad would be good. :D Mine too. Him and his guns. :D

[joris]

Hmm....that's different than what I've heard. I've always heard the ideal way is to talk to the ministry/father first (and there's debate on which one of THOSE is first.) I'd prefer they talk to my dad first, then it would be either not an issue for me or an easier decision. Plus, like Krista's...mine's pretty scary, he'll ward of the wimps or non-acceptables.what do you think? would you really like him talking to everyone and you being the last to hear? :D
(okay that's exagerating but...)

[leahmb]

what do you think? would you really like him talking to everyone and you being the last to hear? :D
(okay that's exagerating but...)

I don't think my dad and the ministry is everyone :D...plus I'd hope that I'd have some idea about it, so it wouldn't be a shock, but it would be comforting to know that I have approval from the right people.

Maybe my dad could also come up w/ a taser (sp?)....

[HotShot53]

I know people say that girls shouldn't make the first move... but even if the girl isn't trying to, it probably shows somewhat when they like someone, even if they aren't really trying to... and personally, I'd rather know what the girl is thinking so I could give a straight answer to it (letting them know you have no interest, and are not likely to ever have interest sooner is better, than letting them make up all their castles in the air that will never happen... at least that's my opinion).

As far as talking to the girl or the parents first... usually everyone knows 2 people like each other and are talking way more than usual even before either one says anything... going to the parents first is the traditional method, and probably preferred, but in general the girl will probably know what you are going to sometime before you actually ask ;)

[Babyruth]

I don't think my dad and the ministry is everyone :D...plus I'd hope that I'd have some idea about it, so it wouldn't be a shock, but it would be comforting to know that I have approval from the right people.

Maybe my dad could also come up w/ a taser (sp?)....
LOL! Or he could just show them the tazer video and .... :D

[Only One Life, Live 4 GOD]

Hmm....that's different than what I've heard. I've always heard the ideal way is to talk to the ministry/father first (and there's debate on which one of THOSE is first.) I'd prefer they talk to my dad first, then it would be either not an issue for me or an easier decision. Plus, like Krista's...mine's pretty scary, he'll ward of the wimps or non-acceptables.

But the difference Is I like being in control of my life not sitting back and letting other people make my descions for me I like to be my own and girl

[joris]

But the difference Is I like being in control of my life not sitting back and letting other people make my descions for me I like to be my own and girlquestion for you is, is that the proper way?
well anyway; if you'll get in that situation, I'm sure you'll be praying about it

[leahmb]

But the difference Is I like being in control of my life not sitting back and letting other people make my descions for me I like to be my own and girl

Trust me, I'm not saying I will let someone decide for me...no way! But I envision it would be more like I really like this person, my parents would be in on what's going on, but before we officially start going out/dating/courting, the guy should get permission.

[marichino_freedom]

haha....thats a no go for me. my dad doesnt get asked permission (mainly because he doesnt even what me believing the way i do or going to church where i do).

he's a bit strange, I love him anyhow, but he has already told me if I got married to ****, then he wouldn't walk me down the aisle, nor would he even come to the wedding

so, whatever.

[Only One Life, Live 4 GOD]

Trust me, I'm not saying I will let someone decide for me...no way! But I envision it would be more like I really like this person, my parents would be in on what's going on, but before we officially start going out/dating/courting, the guy should get permission.

I know he asks the father for marridge but is it really nescercary to extreme it to asking the father before you court???

[leahmb]

I know he asks the father for marridge but is it really nescercary to extreme it to asking the father before you court???

I don't consider it extreme. Why would I wait until after to get permission? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of asking. Have you ever read the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" or "Boy Meets Girl" by Josh Harris? Somewhere in one of those it talks about how the parents are the ones who have provided and raised the girl, that the guy should have enough respect to ask their permission first and risk the results. I know in it they also talked about unbelieving parents and how it is different, but still good to respect them.

[JoeC]

Absolutely pertinent. That girl is the fruit of 18 or so years of the father's labour - money, time, energy, prayers. It's only right to get the father's permission before the guy starts wooing the girl's heart away.

Not only this, but every step along the journey should have the parents on both sides involved... it also leads to really enjoyable relations with the inlaws and the two families once the bond of married is made. Trust me, we have a couple in our church who did everything right that way. I just got back from seeing them with their two families... wonderful relationships all around.

[leahmb]

Absolutely pertinent. That girl is the fruit of 18 or so years of the father's labour - money, time, energy, prayers. It's only right to get the father's permission before the guy starts wooing the girl's heart away.

Not only this, but every step along the journey should have the parents on both sides involved... it also leads to really enjoyable relations with the inlaws and the two families once the bond of married is made. Trust me, we have a couple in our church who did everything right that way. I just got back from seeing them with their two families... wonderful relationships all around.

Thanks for the support. That is exactly what I was trying to say! :yay:

[HotShot53]

what happens if one set of parents or the other doesn't like the other person, though? not to the point of like forbidding you to see them, but just to the point of not really liking them, and thinking you'd make a mistake if you went out with them? is taking what they say into consideration, and being extra cautious enough, or should you like ignore the friend as your parents probably wish you would do?

[Jezz]

It depends on several factors:

What is the reasoning behind the parents dislike?
How do you feel the Lord is leading you?
Is there anything to suggest that your parents views may be founded in truth?Parents are human (contrary to some opinions) and can be influenced by bias, gossip and discrimination based on their own perception of the other person like anybody else can. That said any child should hold their parents views and opinions in high esteem and treat the situation with a little more trepidation even if you feel their views are unfounded. Parents usually know best but God always knows better so if I felt very strongly led one way or the other I'd follow that.

[Only One Life, Live 4 GOD]

I don't consider it extreme. Why would I wait until after to get permission? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of asking. Have you ever read the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" or "Boy Meets Girl" by Josh Harris? Somewhere in one of those it talks about how the parents are the ones who have provided and raised the girl, that the guy should have enough respect to ask their permission first and risk the results. I know in it they also talked about unbelieving parents and how it is different, but still good to respect them.


I accept what you say You are OLDER and WISER (lol) and well you know what your talking about while i'm shooting my ideas and opianions into everyones cup of soup (excuse the expression) Sorry hey I just had a brain wave... its not very good so well I wont share it lol.

[jordancpeterson]

[Long post, I know... probably should be a new thread...]

So...should the guy ask the girl or her father first?

Here is how I see doing it. Not saying everyone else has to do this, but this is my personal conviction. And this really didn't come from my parents or any other specific person. This is rather what I've felt would be correct way to do things. I’ve read/heard very little on courtship and only understand the basic concept. Maybe for some of you that are more familiar with the idea can let me know if this is really skewed.

The times listed are a minimum for that stage to the next stage (add them together to get total time).

First, if you see a girl you might be interested in, be very cautious to come on as interested. Pray about it. Still be very cautious! Pray more! Get to know the person in very informal settings (usually at church, notice how they act around others and in church). Pray even more!
[3 months to 4 years]

Then if after sometime (depends on how well you know the person, each setting is different, long distance probably would take longer, small church groups would be quicker, just because of the nature of the groups and how often they get together) you still feel good about it all, go talk to your parents about her (no one else!!!)!

Let them pray about it for sometime (a month or two wouldn't hurt). Give them some time to discuss it between themselves and ask questions to you about her (especially if you are the first one to do this to them and they are nervous about the whole marriage thing in general).
[3 months to 2 year]

Then if everything seems good so far and you still feel good about everything then go talk to the father of the girl. I'd prefer the girl didn't actually know I was interested but this may not be possible. Either way at this point it would be in the father's hands. What would I actually ask him? Well it'd probably be some general qualifications about marrying his daughter. “Do I qualify to your standards? Do I have a sufficient enough job? Is my career on the right track? Do have a good home? How about vehicle?” I know this should be already hashed out in your own mind and with your parents but it doesn’t hurt to get the feelings of the father.

At this stage in my opinion you would be merely informing him of your interest in his daughter (not asking to court her).

At this point it would also be up to the father to decide if you should speak with the ministry and at what time (unless the father was an unbeliever or new to the faith, then I'd probably suggest speaking with the ministry first, maybe other exceptions I can't think of right now).

Here is my reasoning for talking to the father first. First it gives him the chance to tell you if someone else is interested in her and you didn’t know it or if she’s interested in someone else and you didn’t know it (I know slim chance but for long distance relationships this could be a issue, especially if both guys were long distance, and the whole thing was kept somewhat hush, hush).

Second it gives him sometime to pray about it. And if he feels led, to talk to the mother about it too (I’d actually prefer that). They can pray about it together.

Third if there are any pre-qualifiers that you should know about you can start praying about and working on them right away.
[3 months to 1 year]

Then if they still feel good about it (and you and your parents still feel good about everything) they can talk to the girl and ask her, her thoughts. Let her pray about it. At this point I’d think in some ways it’d would be better if it were a long distance relationship because then their wouldn’t be the physical distraction around to really get a girl messed up in her thinking, let her really seek the Lord before to much romantic things are involved (if possible).
[3 months to 1 year]

If everything after this is a go-go then courtship would come in. At this point I would also if the father hasn’t already suggested/required it to go and speak to the ministry (if two different churches are involved, both should be talked to at this point). I’d still prefer this to be somewhat quiet. Basically it would be a understanding between, you, her, both sets of parents and the ministry that you two were interested in each other.

Hopefully at this point both families would work together to allow the two to be able to get together in a group setting preferable with just the families on a more regular basis (rather then just having to see each other in group settings with a lot of other people, i.e. youth groups at church).

At this time this may be where you could ask some of her friends how she is. In reality though, if there is anything you should know, you’ll probably already know it. I’m not real keen on asking others about how a girl is. Then again, I’m kind of a secret type of person about all this. I prefer it not to be hyped up a lot. This isn’t something that should be out of a romance novel. And sometimes we get so caught up in that, that we lose sight of what is in front of us and what is happening.

No dates alone or time alone! Actually I lean toward very little alone time (if any at all before marriage).
[3 months to 1 year]

If everything still seems good then and all parties have really prayed through about it and feel the perfect leading of the Lord about it then ask your parents, her parents, the ministry (on both sides if necessary) and finally her (in that order) for permission to marry her. The hope at this point is you get a yes; otherwise the no would have come a lot sooner. ;)

One more thing I’d probably do before I actually asked her, if it hadn’t already been discussed in some way or another is to discuss how each of you sees things for different issues.

Leadership, family time/alter/devotions, finances/budgeting/debt, roles around the home, career/s, education, children and child training/education/discipline, church/ministry, standards (television, internet, books, music, dress, hair, body/jewelry/makeup, hygiene), worldview, where you would live, cleanliness of home, food/health/meals, schedules (work, play, service, sleep, quiet time, study, research, meals), hospitality, service to others/church, etc.

The wedding should be as soon as practical.
No practice kissing before then! And no touching either, except for a quick handshake after church (no 15 second hand massage)! And very little if any alone time.
[3 to 6 months]

Something else I should add that I didn't really cover is that prayer should be every other word above! If a young man can't even pray and read his Bible every single day of every week of every month of every year then he shouldn't be interested in any girl for any reason!!!!! And he should have a love for the Word/Message and ministry (meaning he goes to church, and listens and reads the Message, consistently)!

I know it may seem long and drawn out but I think it would really be worth it.

I'm old fashioned but hey... who isn't these days. :)

Did I miss anything?

[joris]

Did I miss anything?it seems to me your emotions have died off long ago if you follow this 9 and a half year track; remember emotions were created by God as motivators (though yeah in this crippled world they don't function well, motivating you for the wrong and dismotivating for the right, and such)

not that letting emotions die of is necessarily a bad thing - but if you actually want to get married, it may not be so handy; if they're really gone, the girl is, well, just a friend again, and as she may not be showing any interest interest (because you are so not showing interest) that won't keep them alive either... oh and in this long period another guy could easily turn up and date&court&marry her.

[blessed]

You make this thing sound very very very complicated Jordan.

[BroTrevor]

You make this thing sound very very very complicated Jordan.

I forsee Jordan being smitten with love for some girl, and the Lord revealing it to him, and the wedding taking place in a matter of weeks.

<chuckle>

Not to say that Jordan's plan is a bad plan at all.

[jordancpeterson]

it seems to me your emotions have died off long ago if you follow this 9 and a half year track;

It could be as little as 18 months though. That's pretty quick. Ok, yeah some are quicker... and this was my explanation. Maybe I should leave out the times. :)

[Skirty]

It could be as little as 18 months though. That's pretty quick. Ok, yeah some are quicker... and this was my explanation. Maybe I should leave out the times. :)

lol, my parents met on New years eve and were engaged by January 14th... 2 whole weeks :)

[joris]

lol, my parents met on New years eve and were engaged by January 14th... 2 whole weeks :)that, on the other side, seems a bit short ;)

[marichino_freedom]

yes it does! i couldnt fathom that really....

[SisTrev]

thats how it was for my parents...they only went on one date and my dad asked my mom to marry him on that one.

[marichino_freedom]

must be nice.....i guess.

mine were married for five years (i was the only reason they got married in the first place)......then they got a divorce

[Skirty]

yes it does! i couldnt fathom that really....
I know... neither of them are really impulsive people either.
My mom always says it's a good thing it happened that fast though. If she had more time to get to know his mother she would have backed out :D
(I'm not quite sure if it's a joke when she says that or not)

[SisTrev]

must be nice.....i guess.

mine were married for five years (i was the only reason they got married in the first place)......then they got a divorce

i'm sorry...that's gotta be rough.

[marichino_freedom]

no....i prefer it this way.

no constant fighting (at least, now)...they fought a lot when i grew up (and it doesnt help they were only 20 years old each when they had me....lots of immaturity)

[vpiper]

no....i prefer it this way.

no constant fighting (at least, now)...they fought a lot when i grew up (and it doesnt help they were only 20 years old each when they had me....lots of immaturity)

I don't see the age as the problem, they probably didn't know each other enough to be playing house.

[Jezz]

I don't see the age as the problem, they probably didn't know each other enough to be playing house.

It's never age thats the problem but maturity is as she said, lots of immaturity. People mature slower these days as parents try to protect their kids too much and there is less pressure on the kids to grow up. So while age doesn't come into it maturity certainly does and maturity tends to come with age although there are of course exceptions.

[azurity]

Opps. I just re-read what you said, Jezz.

So if you saw that last post... ignore it.

[vpiper]

It's never age thats the problem but maturity is as she said, lots of immaturity. People mature slower these days as parents try to protect their kids too much and there is less pressure on the kids to grow up. So while age doesn't come into it maturity certainly does and maturity tends to come with age although there are of course exceptions.

It's amazing how much parents now are more protective then our parents' parents were. I have an older(my parents' age) friend an He drove the truck for his parent's farm alone when he was 10. people baby proof their homes now instead of teaching their kids self control, which I am guilty of.

[marichino_freedom]

like the hot iron......when i was little, it was in plain reach and everyone always said: "dont touch, it'll burn you".....duh...but i did anyway. burnt my hand sooo bad. never touched it again, though.

sometimes, you have to let things play out with children, and they will learn from it (obviously if it will seriously injure them or kill them, you dont want that to happen), but sometimes kids need a little rope to hang themselves

[vpiper]

yeah, but only under adult supervision

[marichino_freedom]

you know what i mean.....:)

[cabletown]

it seems to me your emotions have died off long ago if you follow this 9 and a half year track; remember emotions were created by God as motivators (though yeah in this crippled world they don't function well, motivating you for the wrong and dismotivating for the right, and such)

not that letting emotions die of is necessarily a bad thing - but if you actually want to get married, it may not be so handy; if they're really gone, the girl is, well, just a friend again, and as she may not be showing any interest interest (because you are so not showing interest) that won't keep them alive either... oh and in this long period another guy could easily turn up and date&court&marry her.

Ummmm... must be missing something here. I thought we don't exactly want to get married on our emotions. I sure don't want to think in 20 years with my wife that we are just friends. If anything I think we should be closer and more emotional. Thoughts?

[JMG]

[Long post, I know... probably should be a new thread...]



Here is how I see doing it. Not saying everyone else has to do this, but this is my personal conviction. And this really didn't come from my parents or any other specific person. This is rather what I've felt would be correct way to do things. I’ve read/heard very little on courtship and only understand the basic concept. Maybe for some of you that are more familiar with the idea can let me know if this is really skewed.

The times listed are a minimum for that stage to the next stage (add them together to get total time).

First, if you see a girl you might be interested in, be very cautious to come on as interested. Pray about it. Still be very cautious! Pray more! Get to know the person in very informal settings (usually at church, notice how they act around others and in church). Pray even more!
[3 months to 4 years]

Then if after sometime (depends on how well you know the person, each setting is different, long distance probably would take longer, small church groups would be quicker, just because of the nature of the groups and how often they get together) you still feel good about it all, go talk to your parents about her (no one else!!!)!

Let them pray about it for sometime (a month or two wouldn't hurt). Give them some time to discuss it between themselves and ask questions to you about her (especially if you are the first one to do this to them and they are nervous about the whole marriage thing in general).
[3 months to 2 year]

Then if everything seems good so far and you still feel good about everything then go talk to the father of the girl. I'd prefer the girl didn't actually know I was interested but this may not be possible. Either way at this point it would be in the father's hands. What would I actually ask him? Well it'd probably be some general qualifications about marrying his daughter. “Do I qualify to your standards? Do I have a sufficient enough job? Is my career on the right track? Do have a good home? How about vehicle?” I know this should be already hashed out in your own mind and with your parents but it doesn’t hurt to get the feelings of the father.

At this stage in my opinion you would be merely informing him of your interest in his daughter (not asking to court her).

At this point it would also be up to the father to decide if you should speak with the ministry and at what time (unless the father was an unbeliever or new to the faith, then I'd probably suggest speaking with the ministry first, maybe other exceptions I can't think of right now).

Here is my reasoning for talking to the father first. First it gives him the chance to tell you if someone else is interested in her and you didn’t know it or if she’s interested in someone else and you didn’t know it (I know slim chance but for long distance relationships this could be a issue, especially if both guys were long distance, and the whole thing was kept somewhat hush, hush).

Second it gives him sometime to pray about it. And if he feels led, to talk to the mother about it too (I’d actually prefer that). They can pray about it together.

Third if there are any pre-qualifiers that you should know about you can start praying about and working on them right away.
[3 months to 1 year]

Then if they still feel good about it (and you and your parents still feel good about everything) they can talk to the girl and ask her, her thoughts. Let her pray about it. At this point I’d think in some ways it’d would be better if it were a long distance relationship because then their wouldn’t be the physical distraction around to really get a girl messed up in her thinking, let her really seek the Lord before to much romantic things are involved (if possible).
[3 months to 1 year]

If everything after this is a go-go then courtship would come in. At this point I would also if the father hasn’t already suggested/required it to go and speak to the ministry (if two different churches are involved, both should be talked to at this point). I’d still prefer this to be somewhat quiet. Basically it would be a understanding between, you, her, both sets of parents and the ministry that you two were interested in each other.

Hopefully at this point both families would work together to allow the two to be able to get together in a group setting preferable with just the families on a more regular basis (rather then just having to see each other in group settings with a lot of other people, i.e. youth groups at church).

At this time this may be where you could ask some of her friends how she is. In reality though, if there is anything you should know, you’ll probably already know it. I’m not real keen on asking others about how a girl is. Then again, I’m kind of a secret type of person about all this. I prefer it not to be hyped up a lot. This isn’t something that should be out of a romance novel. And sometimes we get so caught up in that, that we lose sight of what is in front of us and what is happening.

No dates alone or time alone! Actually I lean toward very little alone time (if any at all before marriage).
[3 months to 1 year]

If everything still seems good then and all parties have really prayed through about it and feel the perfect leading of the Lord about it then ask your parents, her parents, the ministry (on both sides if necessary) and finally her (in that order) for permission to marry her. The hope at this point is you get a yes; otherwise the no would have come a lot sooner. ;)

One more thing I’d probably do before I actually asked her, if it hadn’t already been discussed in some way or another is to discuss how each of you sees things for different issues.

Leadership, family time/alter/devotions, finances/budgeting/debt, roles around the home, career/s, education, children and child training/education/discipline, church/ministry, standards (television, internet, books, music, dress, hair, body/jewelry/makeup, hygiene), worldview, where you would live, cleanliness of home, food/health/meals, schedules (work, play, service, sleep, quiet time, study, research, meals), hospitality, service to others/church, etc.

The wedding should be as soon as practical.
No practice kissing before then! And no touching either, except for a quick handshake after church (no 15 second hand massage)! And very little if any alone time.
[3 to 6 months]

Something else I should add that I didn't really cover is that prayer should be every other word above! If a young man can't even pray and read his Bible every single day of every week of every month of every year then he shouldn't be interested in any girl for any reason!!!!! And he should have a love for the Word/Message and ministry (meaning he goes to church, and listens and reads the Message, consistently)!

I know it may seem long and drawn out but I think it would really be worth it.

I'm old fashioned but hey... who isn't these days. :)

Did I miss anything?



Wow, that is some list! Are you going to put it into practice?

[JMG]

Ummmm... must be missing something here. I thought we don't exactly want to get married on our emotions. I sure don't want to think in 20 years with my wife that we are just friends. If anything I think we should be closer and more emotional. Thoughts?

Well it can be argued that marriage is the ultimate form of friendship.
Becasue the couple see each other at the other's best and worst.

[marichino_freedom]

i agree.

you SHOULD be friends....best friends

[joris]

I tend to think I'd want relationship to grow out of friendship, if I were to have a relationship ;)

[HotShot53]

I tend to think I'd want relationship to grow out of friendship, if I were to have a relationship ;)

Yeah, that's how I see it working for me, too... that's about as far as I have planned, too ;)

[marichino_freedom]

HAHA.....planning. thats a good one.

sometimes, you CANT plan for these sorts of things

[HotShot53]

HAHA.....planning. thats a good one.

sometimes, you CANT plan for these sorts of things

Lol, that's why I don't plan on trying, really ;) (though that probably isn't the best thing, either...)

[marichino_freedom]

dude....you are funny. i'd say, be open, but dont go throwing yourself out there........a good 50/50 mix of "trying" and "planning" and "waiting around" is ok, i suppose.


now i really have no idea where we are going with this :surrender

[JMG]

dude....you are funny. i'd say, be open, but dont go throwing yourself out there........a good 50/50 mix of "trying" and "planning" and "waiting around" is ok, i suppose.


now i really have no idea where we are going with this :surrender

We are going to da moon... :yay: :chef :peep:

[marichino_freedom]

i think so!

[jordancpeterson]

Wow, that is some list! Are you going to put it into practice?

Yup. Wouldn't have wrote it if I didn't believe it... of course I could change my thinking at some time or another... it isn't all Bible.

[NeedGod]

Mhmph!
girls look for security. It is not a fact that begs arguement. A man who makes them/us/ feel secure is not necessarily a guy with muscles and money. No, a guy who makes them laugh makes them feel secure. A man who would do everything for them makes them feel secure.
Men forget that women do not only look for physical security. They also look for emotional security.
And as believers, we also want to be secure in the knowledge that the guy we are getting entangled with will help us grow in the Word.:)

[marichino_freedom]

thats very true....emotional security is very important!

[Nate]

thats very true....emotional security is very important!

I have a hard time believing that. I know too many girls who go into relationships that they know are wrong for them, but expect better results than what they're going to get.

[BroTrevor]

I have a hard time believing that. I know too many girls who go into relationships that they know are wrong for them, but expect better results than what they're going to get.

Perhaps its a case of "perceived emotional security"

[marichino_freedom]

in those cases yes....but that isnt always the case. maybe just certain girls.....but most know better. well, how about this.....I know better. :D

[joris]

in those cases yes....but that isnt always the case. maybe just certain girls.....but most know better. well, how about this.....I know better. :Dmost? are you sure?
There are so many stories of women longing for acceptance, experiencing it while being infatuated and... finding themselves back miserable in difficult marriages :(

[marichino_freedom]

lol......i know not most.....thats why i said me! :D

[Skirty]

I have a hard time believing that. I know too many girls who go into relationships that they know are wrong for them, but expect better results than what they're going to get.
Isn't that still looking for security?
Usually when a girl enters a relationship that she knows isn't any good for her it's because she is feeling desperate... so she is thinking that this guy will 'save' her from her from being single, therefore offering security.

[Megs]

and then i ask... WHATS WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE... lol.

[leahmb]

Nothing...

[AgapZoe]

This thread still exists? I'm impressed and surprised... Really, I'm now a tid bit older, more mature... Spiritually and Naturally... And I do have an answer... I'm currently not looking for anything. I'm fixing my Eyes on Jesus more by His grace. I realise in my weakness, I may look for and choose qualities that aren't meant to compliment mine! He knows me best, and knows my eternal mate and He'll reveal them to me in His Time! And yea, us girls like to feel secure!

[shasta-daisy]

Mhmph!
girls look for security. It is not a fact that begs arguement. A man who makes them/us/ feel secure is not necessarily a guy with muscles and money. No, a guy who makes them laugh makes them feel secure. A man who would do everything for them makes them feel secure.
Men forget that women do not only look for physical security. They also look for emotional security.
And as believers, we also want to be secure in the knowledge that the guy we are getting entangled with will help us grow in the Word.:)

I like this. I think this is true. Girls want to feel secure, and protected. With all our talk about women can hold their own with men, I do think most women want a man who can be their rock to lean on. I think even women who get in superficial relationships want an emotionally secure relationship eventually. I also think a lot of these women think they can change their man. Women are like that, we think everything can be fixed. Of,course this is not always the case! lol. These women need to grow up and move on.
At this point in my life, I, personally (I know that's redundant lol) am looking for someone who is at least seeking the Lord, someone who wants God's will, someone who is mature and has a sence of self (knows who he is, no longer searching), someone who can laugh and cry with me, someone who can say that I am always right (becase I am! LOL) even when he knows he is right (ok that's not a must), someone who makes me feel loved and secure, and lastly somone who will love me for me-- even when Im silly, and even when Im boring!:)

[redeemed]

I know pretty much everyone's already agreed on this but I'm going to say that I agree also. ;) Emotional security is one of the things that is WAY up on a girls list (if she has one...) of what she wants in a husband.

[AgapZoe]

Heh I see some powerful points by Daisy down there. Yea, I wouldn't want a guy who's still searching himself to come searching me. He doesn't know himself to begin with. Look at the Lord Jesus Christ's model. Twas perfect. He knew who He was and the Character in His Bride too. :-D Ok,this is gonna be off a little,or maybe not: Have you ever liked someone you wanted NOT to like, so much? ;-)

[blessed]

Have you ever liked someone you wanted NOT to like, so much? ;-)

Oh yeah...

[leahmb]

Yup...I'm quite sure it's a pretty common occurance.

[jordancpeterson]

He doesn't know himself to begin with. Look at the Lord Jesus Christ's model. Twas perfect. He knew who He was and the Character in His Bride too.

Guys aren't perfect all the time though... ;) Just thought I'd drop that piece of news in there... :surrender

[blessed]

LOL... thank you for that info Jordan....

[collegegirl]

Guys aren't perfect all the time though... ;) Just thought I'd drop that piece of news in there... :surrender
And here it was I just thought it was my brothers... :012:

[shasta-daisy]

Guys aren't perfect all the time though... ;) Just thought I'd drop that piece of news in there... :surrender
Oh yeah, in my experience, most guys might be perfect 10% of the time. haha!:laugh:

[NeedGod]

And here it was I just thought it was my brothers... :012:
trust me honey, you are out of luck. after meeting your brothers, I can tell you, they are more perfect than most. lol. So you are in trouble

[HotShot53]

trust me honey, you are out of luck. after meeting your brothers, I can tell you, they are more perfect than most. lol. So you are in trouble

Umm... by that statement, I take it that the more you tease someone and say how horrible they are, the better they really are? Interesting...

[NeedGod]

lol, did I say that about them? Oh, I do not recall. I know they were totally awesome. I think I told them that. Hmm, can't remember.

[HotShot53]

lol, did I say that about them? Oh, I do not recall. I know they were totally awesome. I think I told them that. Hmm, can't remember.

I recall you telling them (and us about them) that they were the worst people ever... or things to that effect ;)

[NeedGod]

hehe, well, I must have meant you DJ, :harhar1: jk
Dj is a plenty nice guy too, but no one tell him I said so. Because I will never admit it really

[AgapZoe]

Ha ha, Jordan, perfect in this context meant that At least J.C new himself. So guys, typing Him, should at least know themselves too-their weaknesses and strengths. ;-)

[Skirty]

Guys aren't perfect all the time though...
WHAT??? I have been so deceived...

[jordancpeterson]

WHAT??? I have been so deceived...

Brainwashed is another word for it... ;)

Actually I heard a rumor I don't have a good reputation... so I"m not sure how you would have got the opposite...

[redeemed]

You only heard a rumor that you don't have to good a reputation???? :confused: I think it's more than a rumor...lol jk :P

[NeedGod]

nah, I doubt it. I have to vouch for Jordan here. He is an excessively nice person. In fact he is so nice its hard to bully him(which annoyed me no end) because he does not get angry easily. bad reputation? I doubt it.

[jordancpeterson]

nah, I doubt it. I have to vouch for Jordan here. He is an excessively nice person. In fact he is so nice its hard to bully him(which annoyed me no end) because he does not get angry easily. bad reputation? I doubt it.

Hmmm... wow! I guess that is a compliment! :yay: I think... :o :eek:

[AgapZoe]

When you become overly nice, you stop being nice and take up a new description or definition for that matter. Not 'excessively nice' ;-D

[redeemed]

nah, I doubt it. I have to vouch for Jordan here. He is an excessively nice person. In fact he is so nice its hard to bully him(which annoyed me no end) because he does not get angry easily. bad reputation? I doubt it.

Ride in a vehicle with him driving once....he's got a BAD reputation! :O lol ;)

[jordancpeterson]

I knew all these kind words were too good to be true! :012:

... wait! She did ride with me while I was driving! I'm not sure if she liked it... but I'm sure she'll let us all know! :D

[collegegirl]

Ride in a vehicle with him driving once....he's got a BAD reputation! :O lol ;)
A bad reputation, huh? Uh oh!! :peep:

[jordancpeterson]

Ok now... there is a video online that proves my MAD driving SKILLZ! It contains some highly classified stuff (i.e. some people saying and doing things on there that they'd probably not appreciate broadcasted all over the internet) but here is the link anyway (http://jordancpeterson.com/photos/videos/)... :D

It's the first video on the page. By the way, let me know if any of you have problems viewing it. I chose to do it this way rather then host it on YT because frankly I can't stand to see such fine content mixed in with all that junk! ;) :yay:

(Note: You will need a username and pass. Just PM or email me for it. If you already have a photo gallery login you can use that one too.)

[BroTrevor]

Drat...I have a user/pass, but I don't remember it.

[jordancpeterson]

Drat...I have a user/pass, but I don't remember it.

I IMed you one.

[NeedGod]

I knew all these kind words were too good to be true! :012:

... wait! She did ride with me while I was driving! I'm not sure if she liked it... but I'm sure she'll let us all know! :D
I did ride in a car with you once, but I remember all I could think was, "gosh, he rented a whole car just for camp, that is sooo extravagant," lol.
Anyhow, you had three young ladies in the car and you were in your best behaviour so I have to say you were not a bad driver.

Oh, can I get a pass? I am too lazy to actually IM you for one. So can you IM me one?

[Dream Orange]

Ok now... there is a video online that proves my MAD driving SKILLZ! It contains some highly classified stuff (i.e. some people saying and doing things on there that they'd probably not appreciate broadcasted all over the internet) but here is the link anyway (http://jordancpeterson.com/photos/videos/)... :D

It's the first video on the page. By the way, let me know if any of you have problems viewing it. I chose to do it this way rather then host it on YT because frankly I can't stand to see such fine content mixed in with all that junk! ;) :yay:

(Note: You will need a username and pass. Just PM or email me for it. If you already have a photo gallery login you can use that one too.)





Jordan, for some reason the first video won't play for me... :surrender

[blessed]

As usual i forgot your password...:D

[jordancpeterson]

Jordan, for some reason the first video won't play for me... :surrender

Grrr... yeah... I'm even having problems with it now. It was working perfectly when I first put it up. And then laster last night things started to not work very well with it. :( Hmmmm... I guess I might have to rethink how to set this up.

[blessed]

LOL.. that video is a must see.. especially for the single girls ... :D

[redeemed]

I knew all these kind words were too good to be true! :012:

... wait! She did ride with me while I was driving! I'm not sure if she liked it... but I'm sure she'll let us all know! :D

Ok...so I'm totally going to ruin my complaints about his driving...but it was a TON of fun! (even if it was a little on the dangerous side...;) ) :yay: I can't believe I just said that....:shuriken: lol

[redeemed]

BTW...I don't have a password either...Jordan? lol

[AgapZoe]

Neither do I have one Jordan!

Hm, a friend of mine some time back was asked by someone in my presence what he really desires in a girl he'll spend the rest of his life with, and he said this amongst many ideals he had then: "I would like my wife to be a career lady."

Then some time last year, he said smth that got me so hard altho I was not in his vicinity but I heard him from behind the walls. He said, "I would like someone who will challenge me, someone who is good in her own ways and when we live together, she challenges me. She should know herself, be good at what she does and someone who can stand take a stand. Not just someone I will be making decisions for."

Now the same guy, some two years ago again, he said this, "I would like a lady who my sisters will give a YES you know. Of course I'll have the final say, but my sisters' evaluation will matter so much."
.................................................. .................................................. ....
Now girls, see what guys are looking for. Besides a Godly man, filled with the Holy Ghost, there are those qualities that surely guys go for. Now, if all guys are like the above sampled guy, well ... :)
.................................................. .................................................. ....

[redeemed]

Uhmmm.....I really hope that wasn't me laughing in the back ground when we were in the van! :juggle: lol

[redeemed]

Sorry for the double post but...you just had to put Heather and I in that footage didn't you? lol

[jordancpeterson]

Austin was the one that actually added that footage in. And actually you two made it on the final DVD cut! :D So you'll be famous! :-p

[NeedGod]

lol, the video worked just fine. It was hilarious, hehe

[HotShot53]

Neither do I have one Jordan!

Hm, a friend of mine some time back was asked by someone in my presence what he really desires in a girl he'll spend the rest of his life with, and he said this amongst many ideals he had then: "I would like my wife to be a career lady."


I'd have to say... that that is not necessarily true. The other points I agree with, but not that one ;) Though obviously each guy is different.

[leahmb]

Yeah, I agree...I haven't met too many guys that say they want the wife to be a career lady. Most don't mind if they work to help out, but I don't know too many who want them to have their own career.

[marichino_freedom]

lol....seth wants me to get my master's so we can start traveling while i work. (wildlife ecology).....i suppose he's one of the few who doesn't mind for now.

[NeedGod]

I know I do not want to be a career wife. So what am I doing with two degrees and a diploma(associates to Americans)???. I want to work to help out but not to have a full time career.

[blessed]

I am quite content being at home.. so im not going to pursue my Masters...A friend asked.. so what are you going to do with your degree... what's was the purpose of it.. my answer : well i guess i'll have some really smart home school kids then :D

[SisTrev]

I am quite content being at home.. so im not going to pursue my Masters...A friend asked.. so what are you going to do with your degree... what's was the purpose of it.. my answer : well i guess i'll have some really smart home school kids then :DROFL!!!! That's hilarious!!

[redeemed]

Austin was the one that actually added that footage in. And actually you two made it on the final DVD cut! :D So you'll be famous! :-p

lol..well...our last name means famous so I guess it's actually true! :thumbup: lol