So how many of you guys are shy talking to girls?

[ShyBoy]

ok, so how many of you guys are shy talking to girls? I am... not sure what to do about it. I'm not talking about a girl I like but just a girl... :/ Unless I know them really well it doesn't go over good. I don't know what to say, where to put my hands and my face is getting hot and I can't look them in the eye. I just want to be friendly especially to ones that look kind of lonely and no one else is talking to them. Funny thing is at work I interact with the public all the time and have no problem with that. But at church type setting... doesn't go well. Can't imagine meeting a really nice girl.

Any of you guys like this?

[JoeC]

I find it harder to introduce myself to girls than guys - but that's because I feel they may take me to be a little forward.

I can't say I have a hard time talking to a girl after someone has introduced me... provided they have enough self-confidence to hold up their end of the conversation. :rolleyes:

[NoahL]

I can't say I have a hard time talking to a girl after someone has introduced me... provided they have enough self-confidence to hold up their end of the conversation. :rolleyes:

I'm totally the same way. I don't have a problem talking to a girl as long as they talk back... but when you get monosyllable replies... it's tough.

[HotShot53]

I give you props for trying... I don't know if I've ever just gone up to someone I don't know and tried to start a conversation.... guy or girl. I'm afraid I pretty much just hang out with the same people most the time.... that is one area I really need to work on :(

Online is a totaly different matter....

[BroTrevor]

Never had an issue personally, but it's how God made me specifically.

So, what I recommend is have some questions on your mind to ask to generate conversation. Hopefully as the guys said, the girl can talk back.

So, maybe this would be a good thread to list good conversation starters..

OK.. CONVERSATION starters...not one liners... (lame)

It always helps if you notice something about them, for instance...do they play violin? Ask how long they've been playing, tell them they play well, or you particularily enjoyed how they played a certain song. Etc.

Things like that.

If they are in school, you can talk about school, what career they are persuing...

I think that if you have a hard time talking, to maybe methodically set up some things to talk about in your mind first before you go to talking.

But then, I don't have a hard time talking to anyone usually...so my advice may not be the most well informed.

[PianoMan79]

I am also very shy when it comes to talking to the girls; even when I am introduced to them by a friend. I have found that sometimes (especially when trying to ask one out), I can plan everything out in my mind, every word I want to say and how I want to say it, and it still comes out totally different. Meantime my hands are shaking/palms sweating, etc.

[JoeC]

So, what I recommend is have some questions on your mind to ask to generate conversation.

Good suggestion! I've got my semi-regular set of Q's - develop your own and remember to make most of them open ended (cannot be answered with a simple yes or no) - also aim for ones that are engaging (not only open-ended, but ones that would be almost rude to simply answer with a single sentence). Keep in mind that you don't have to go through your whole set of Qs; if they bite at a question, reel 'em in on that - if not, go to the next Q. If your Q's are both open ended and engaging, while covering range (set up so that at least some Qs will be applicable) and they still don't respond, they're the ones that need to develop their people skills and you needn't feel any more obligation to the conversation. Find someone else who you can enjoy a conversation with.

Coincidentally, this works for meeting both guys and girls.


I can plan everything out in my mind, every word I want to say and how I want to say it, and it still comes out totally different. Meantime my hands are shaking/palms sweating, etc.


In witnessing, Christ told us not to pre-plan what we will say:
MATTHEW 10:19
But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.

I think this advice works well for introductions as well. When I script my whole conversation in my head (not just the first two intro lines), it either blows in my face, or I work so hard to stay with the script that the other person gets a cold feeling (like I'm not taking their particulars into account). WHen I keep the conversation dynamic (flexible) I find it comes more easily and both parties enjoy things more.

I also get a LOT more nervous when I script. Like when meeting someone important or whom I respect a great deal, I usually make this mistake... it builds it up in my mind, blowing the whole thing out of proportion and all the sudden my hands are sweating and I'm not at all relaxed.

[BroTrevor]

also aim for ones that are engaging (not only open-ended, but ones that would be almost rude to simply answer with a single sentence).

<chuckle>

Engaging... Hilarious choice of words there.

[HotShot53]

I can plan everything out in my mind, every word I want to say and how I want to say it, and it still comes out totally different.

I don't even bother to plan out conv because of that... when I give a prepared speech I still ad-lib most of it, even though I've written every word as I want to say it...

But Joe's suggestion is pretty good, I'll have to try that....

[blessed]

I normally will not do this but its worth the risk...

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/hotshott53/detail?.dir=2482&.dnm=6525re2.jpg&.src=ph

Talk about being shy :D

Can i wave my diplomatic immunity here Joe!!

[BroTrevor]

I normally will not do this but its worth the risk...

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/hotshott53/detail?.dir=2482&.dnm=6525re2.jpg&.src=ph

Talk about being shy :D

Can i wave my diplomatic immunity here Joe!!


BWAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Funny....

BUT GET OUT OF THE FORT!

[cdnjava]

INTRUDER ALERT.. INTRUDER ALERT!!!

:skywalker

[Mick_Mack89]

Diplomatic immunity????????? HEHEHEHEHEHEHE..... how about NO!
Do it again and you'll end up looking like this guy ->:chris:



:nunchaku: :beat: :gun_banda We will not tolerate such impishness.

[JoeC]

<chuckle>

Engaging... Hilarious choice of words there.

I wasn't really thinking about it that way...

[BroTrevor]

I wasn't really thinking about it that way...

but ya gotta admit it was a funny choice of words in that context!

[JoeC]

so it would seem...

[HotShot53]

Talk about being shy :D

Lol, I've known them for a gazillion years, probably since Deepali was like 2 or 3... not quite the topic we were talking about, which is meeting new people...

[jordancpeterson]

In witnessing, Christ told us not to pre-plan what we will say:


Interesting thought here. Not really the part about pre-planning but I really do feel I have a problem with witnessing. Maybe we should discuss this more sometime.

[HotShot53]

The current thread discussing witnessing is here: http://www.yqnews.org/forums/showthread.php?t=537&highlight=witnessing

[Angelo]

Funny thing is at work I interact with the public all the time and have no problem with that. But at church type setting... doesn't go well. Can't imagine meeting a really nice girl.
Any of you guys like this?

Bro Shyboy, and to you brothers, with regards to interacting with the public, how should we decently adress a girl at work or anywhere that does not know the Lord yet. If she comes to you and tells you that she likes you- sometimes that happens? Is it better to disregard or ignore her and the matter? or if otherwise, how would you explain to her that you have no intention or what are the "talk points" to not be a stumbling block to her? And to not waste the oppurtunity to share the word of the Lord to her.

[JoeC]

I certainly wouldn't ignore her - that would reflect badly on the Gospel. I would let her know why I can't even consider a relationship (unequally yoked scripture... why we would be unequally yoked... etc).

If she is interested in the Word after you tell her, WATCH OUT!!! She may be just doing that to woo you and not really interested at all. Hand her over to a godly sister.

Some advice I was given that though sounds solid, may have some holes. Feel free to dispute it:

Let men witness to men and women witness to women.

[Angelo]

"Let men witness to men and women witness to women."

I agree to that Bro Joe because sometimes Eliezer gets more attention than what was supposed to be for Isaac. And yes, the best way to avoid that is to endorse her to a godly sister. Like yesterday, when I came by the house of a sister and they had a friend visit them that I was previously introduced to. I was given the oppurtunity to share some views of our daily living and eventually went to sharing the love of God. Then afterwards it turned out that the girl needs help, she's living alone and far from her family and needed a place to stay because her income is not enough to sustain her needs. The sisters gladly persuaded her to stay with them, and as I've heard earlier she'll be transferring today. They were hoping that this sister would accept the Lord.
But there are certain situations that we come testify to the opposite gender, and that sometimes hinder if Eliezer does not watch how he presents.

Thanks brother..

[JoeC]

of course, there are exceptions to every rule...

[trumpetplayer]

I feel its not as clear cut. For example my incident witnessing to a girl and there is no other believers in the same city. I however do believe you must be careful. I would never witness to a girl alone, stay away from the appearance of evil. But I have witnessed at my friends house with her parents there which is a great oppurtonity to witness to her family.

Well God Bless, overall I think thats a good rule, but I dont think it can be so clear cut.

[JMC785]

I like this thread, cause it deals with a huge issue that encompasses every single man in the message(To turn a phrase, :misli:), by which I mean single men who might happen to be looking for a companion. Anyhow, while this is gonna sound cliche, I'm once again going to direct you to the old tried-and-true "Just Be Yourself". While some of you may have some self confidence issues, that's kinda normal, and while humility is an excellent quality in anyone, someone who underrates themself is not going to earn a lot of respect from anyone else, male or female. So, let's review some tactics here.

#1. No Drooling. Actually, while I'm mostly joking, remembering this will never hurt anything.

#2. It's ok to look them in the eye, but not too much. You want them to feel like your are addressing them directly but respectfully too. You don't want to stare them down, that's percieved as being forward. Remember to smile and not be too serious when you're looking them in the eye, the last thing you wanna do is have a look that says, "Marry me!!!" to someone you only just met.

#3. Be sincere, take a genuine interest in the person. As was so aptly stated earlier, it's great to express interest in a particular ability or quality that you noticed in someone, and they will appreciate you for addressing it. Myself, there's nothing that uplifts me more than when someone walks up to me, introduces themself and then says something along the lines of "Hey, your song was great!!!" or "I really enjoyed your playing today, keep up the good work!". Bring all your positive qualities to the front, in the case of girls, a sense of humour seems to be the foremost attraction, so first make them comfortable around you, and then make them laugh. Nobody is uncomfortable when they're laughing, generally speaking.

#4. Appearance counts for a lot, it seems to me the average girl is pretty fashion savvy, so while you might not be into all the rage of brand-name clothing and all that, dressing to impress is not a bad idea. If you are well-dressed and well-mannered, the ladies are far more likely to develop a really good first impression, which is the most important.

#5. Finally, don't take yourself too seriously, if you wanna have a laugh, have it at your expense first. Remember that there is no shortage of virtous christian females that exist. Don't be in a hurry, God is mindful of you and he has the your exact counterpart that completes you somewhere out there just waiting for the right place and the right time, so be patient and watch and pray, for in that alone God will honor your heart's desires so long as they are within the bounds of his word. I think that if finding your companion is the second best thing to salvation, and you've found salvation, then it's ok for you to begin looking for the second best thing, just so you do it under the guidelines established in God's Word. I'm certain that He will honor your hearts desire under those circumstances, best of luck to you who are looking. :eek: