Personal Space & Other Issues - (split from "Dream Girl" thread)

[NeedGod]

[edit]...what about those really suggestive hugs. there are some people i know who... [edit] give really suggestive hugs. it leave one feeling so viollated. sometimes i think if i had those spray things i would give them a shot. honestly

[NeedGod]

i wish i had your courage and stregth ruth. i could really use it now. thing is, i find it real hard to tell peole not to hug me. its hard. i just avoid situations but, Lord forgive me, i have not avoided them well enough. pray for me though to get to a place where he will give me stregth to say NO and stand by that.

[collegegirl]

Let me share with you some things I have learned with that. We may not be so contact-ish here where I am as with you, but I have guys that have tried to give me hugs. There are some that are like, okay, you are married, and you are hugging me like you would your daughter, because you are old enough to be my dad, and you are friends with my dad, and I know you mean nothing by it, like a relative hug. Then there are the hugs from the other, younger guys. I have to let them know that I don't do hugs. Sometimes I have to let them know in a group of people that I don't do hugs. Sometimes I have to get firm. Mostly, I just dodge the arms, or stick out my hand, and step back where they would have to either shake my hand, or look kind of dumb for still coming forward. I let them know that I "don't do hugs, just handshakes". They look at me kindof wierd, but it works. You just have to get firm. Step out of your comfort zone to let them know that they are violating yours. Explain to them why. Let them know firmly, (not harshly, though), that you don't do hugs. You HAVE to. People don't know where to stop if you don't tell them where they need to stop. Does that make sense?

[Christian-Samurai]

and if you want you can try wearing 10 layers of thick clothes, cause then i dont think they are hugging you as much as they are hugging 10 layers!!! lol

[marichino_freedom]

when i was 16 i worked at a grocery store and i had a manager who was very innapropriate one day and he ended up coming up behind me and hugging me strangely....it scared me, but i told my dad and he talked to the bigwig and that manager was demoted (he is currently a manager again)...kind of sad that he might act that way to other girls....

[NeedGod]

oh, i will start getting out of the comfort zone but the course i am doing in college, mass communication, makes that kinda tough though. i have to be in constant association with people of all types

[blessed]

Now, if a girl tries all of these and the guy continues to advance, then any non-permanent, pain inflicting action can be justified

if he took a hug or anything without my permission any action taken by me is justifiable whether it causes permanent or non permanent damage

[chocolateismybestfriend]

thats all good in theory - i hope you can use it in reality if you ever needed to

I've been sexually assualted and perhaps its just me but i just paniced which is the worst possible thing to do!
in my mind its so clear to retaliate and use some pain inflicting action - but i froze. Not that i could have done alot mind you, there was 2 of them and i am 5'3 and weigh 110 lbs

Let me tell you thats not a day i'm going to forget - it's molded me, i was way too trusting of guys, thinking that no one would ever "really" harm me, thats just stuff on the news, and now im not. I'll tell you where to go if you get too close to me.

So girls, please be careful - dont let guys invade your personal space.

[Jeni]

wow. ya know...this is true. Although I hardly ever see my old friends from school..when I do..they like to hug me. And I'm struggling with that. I've had hugs that felt wrong..and I definitely said something. And I've had them where it didn't feel wrong at all. ....but that could be just a tool of Satan to confuse me. (very very possible) so I'm doing my best...especially after reading all this...to find the strength to step back and say ya know...I just don't do that.

I've never used mace before. but Im thinking of purchasing it.

My job is on the bad end of town..and many times I close up with another woman. (at least 90% of the time) Then I have the walk to my car...in the dark. Also..another thing that does NOT help..is we are right next to a bar. Two nights ago..I was walking along the sidewalk next to the shops beside us...only a few doors down to the dollar store...and was confronted by a guy going into the bar. I made no eye contact...I kept walking..but I heard his words..and felt that demonic presence..and lemme tell ya...I'm scared now. I pray from the moment I walk to that door to the moment I get in my car. out loud. I'm even considering having my dad come pick me up. so just keep me in your prayers on that.

[Mick_Mack89]

Jen if your really working in that section of town right by the bar, get the mace. You know it is like "why lock the barn door when the horse has already escaped." Protect yourself now. Many times you can avoid people by ignoring them, but sometimes they just come right after you, and they won't miss.

[Christian-Samurai]

and also we can all pray that the situation improves :) so that you dont have this worry any more

[Mick_Mack89]

That too, wise advice it is.

[chocolateismybestfriend]

yup, be pro-active, prepare yourself

I wouldnt wish the effects/consequences/after math of an attack on anyone.

[morning_mist]

It is always best to be on guard all the time but then again if we are under God's protective wings...who would want to go against us :thumbup:

[Angelo]

"I'm even considering having my dad come pick me up. so just keep me in your prayers on that."[/QUOTE]

...if you"ll ask me it would be better to ask your dad to pick you up sometimes so that the people on the vicinity can identify you with your dad. Better to try all options to be sure. Also, it would give quality time for both you and your dad... :greetings

[NeedGod]

it can be tricky for you jen. if it gets real tricky, get out of there. trust me, no sacrifice is too great for the Kingdom.

[already bought]

thats all good in theory - i hope you can use it in reality if you ever needed to

I've been sexually assualted and perhaps its just me but i just paniced which is the worst possible thing to do!
in my mind its so clear to retaliate and use some pain inflicting action - but i froze. Not that i could have done alot mind you, there was 2 of them and i am 5'3 and weigh 110 lbs

Let me tell you thats not a day i'm going to forget - it's molded me, i was way too trusting of guys, thinking that no one would ever "really" harm me, thats just stuff on the news, and now im not. I'll tell you where to go if you get too close to me.

So girls, please be careful - dont let guys invade your personal space.

I have never had someone asult me physicly so I can't really feel for you in that area. But I know one thing that as girls we need to be carefull. Some guys think we are just toys but they don't realise how important we really are. Guys like to play with Girls emotions. (I'm not saying all guys). Not just out in the world but even in the message. Even if you are a close friend to a guy and you think they don't like you you have to be carefull becuase as girls we don't know what is going on in there heads and I learnt that. So protect your self now.

[Babyruth]

Also, Mace and pepper spray work real well!

[eagle_squadron]

be careful with your definition of "close friends" with someone. in my own experiences, i have found it hard to be friends with girls, because as a young single guy, most of the time one of the first things that crosses my mind with girls (especially if they are really pretty) is whether or not i can get this girl to like me. regardless if we just met. i have been trying to train myself to not think that way everytime i see a girl. (i have been getting much better) however, once i get to know someone, even better, it is harder to be good friends with a girl because there is always that guy/girl factor involved. believe me, i have tried it before and the only way that you can avoid that is if you believe that there is no hope for a "us" in the future and you don't have contact with them a lot. i was casual friends with a girl for about 2 years and i ended up having a lot of feelings for this girl, as did she for me. fortunately it was brought to a stop before we got way too involved emotionally. i know this post is long, but just wanted to share my experience with being "close" friends to girl. the best thing you could be to someone of the opposite gender is to be a brother/sister in Christ, lifting them up in prayer and encouraging them to be a better Christian.


I have never had someone asult me physicly so I can't really feel for you in that area. But I know one thing that as girls we need to be carefull. Some guys think we are just toys but they don't realise how important we really are. Guys like to play with Girls emotions. (I'm not saying all guys). Not just out in the world but even in the message. Even if you are a close friend to a guy and you think they don't like you you have to be carefull becuase as girls we don't know what is going on in there heads and I learnt that. So protect your self now.

[HotShot53]

be careful with your definition of "close friends" with someone. in my own experiences, i have found it hard to be friends with girls, because as a young single guy, most of the time one of the first things that crosses my mind with girls (especially if they are really pretty) is whether or not i can get this girl to like me. regardless if we just met. i have been trying to train myself to not think that way everytime i see a girl. (i have been getting much better) however, once i get to know someone, even better, it is harder to be good friends with a girl because there is always that guy/girl factor involved. believe me, i have tried it before and the only way that you can avoid that is if you believe that there is no hope for a "us" in the future and you don't have contact with them a lot. i was casual friends with a girl for about 2 years and i ended up having a lot of feelings for this girl, as did she for me. fortunately it was brought to a stop before we got way too involved emotionally. i know this post is long, but just wanted to share my experience with being "close" friends to girl. the best thing you could be to someone of the opposite gender is to be a brother/sister in Christ, lifting them up in prayer and encouraging them to be a better Christian.

I would have to agree with most of this....

And nice to see you post, eagle_squadron :)

[God'schild]

And nice to see you post, eagle_squadron :)[/quote]

Nice to have you in the forums.

:welcome:

God Bless you..

[joris]

i have found it hard to be friends with girls, because as a young single guy, most of the time one of the first things that crosses my mind with girls (especially if they are really pretty) is whether or not i can get this girl to like me.like... I used to have that; now... I don't know, it's like God put such longing for intimacy on "hold" (no it's not really easy to explain... I just don't have that tendency to think like that about a girl now)
just... maybe something you could pray for:)

[eagle_squadron]

thanks for the welcome guys. been scoping out the forums for a little while, getting the lay of the land. anyway, back on topic. as i mentioned before, it has been getting better as i am starting to even more realize that God definitely has a plan for me and anything that i do to try to speed things up is only getting in the way of His will. it also helps to remind myself to treat other sisters the way that i would want my real sisters to be treated by a guy. not as something to try to win the affections of, but someone who needs and deserves our protection, both emotionally and physically.

[redeemed]

amen!! (and welcome!:))

[God'schild]

thanks for the welcome guys. been scoping out the forums for a little while, getting the lay of the land. anyway, back on topic. as i mentioned before, it has been getting better as i am starting to even more realize that God definitely has a plan for me and anything that i do to try to speed things up is only getting in the way of His will. it also helps to remind myself to treat other sisters the way that i would want my real sisters to be treated by a guy. not as something to try to win the affections of, but someone who needs and deserves our protection, both emotionally and physically.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[already bought]

thanks for the welcome guys. been scoping out the forums for a little while, getting the lay of the land. anyway, back on topic. as i mentioned before, it has been getting better as i am starting to even more realize that God definitely has a plan for me and anything that i do to try to speed things up is only getting in the way of His will. it also helps to remind myself to treat other sisters the way that i would want my real sisters to be treated by a guy. not as something to try to win the affections of, but someone who needs and deserves our protection, both emotionally and physically.

Girls are the weaker vesal thats why we need REAl guys who will stand up for us.

[joris]

Girls are the weaker vesal thats why we need REAl guys who will stand up for us.I'm not real enough for that; ow I meant I'm not exactly strong either ;)

[already bought]

You don't have to be some big, tuff, musle built guy. Sure physical stranth is needed at times to defend but so are just words from one brother to another brother to tell a brother to back off. Strangth comes from with in and is desplayed on the out side. Sorry if I have got you confused.
But let me pop this question. What makes a guy a real guy???? (( I want a guy anwer on this one) girls you can also coment to).

[joris]

What makes a guy a real guy????nice, I'd like to know too
I know who does it, it's Lord ;) but that wasn't the question :-p

[eagle_squadron]

What makes a guy a real guy????


gosh, where to start. i believe that a real guy, to start with, needs to have the Holy Ghost leading and guiding him in everything. he needs to be a strong leader, not someone who is uncertain about what direction he should take in life, but not too proud to pray and seek guidance from God and other, more experienced brothers. he should be strong, not necessarily bulging with muscles (although that's a plus), but he should be able to carry his end of the load. he should be a protector of the weaker person, especially his sisters and sisters in the Lord. he should shun evil doings and be willing to speak out against it. he should be willing and able to take the lead when there is no clear leader, further the cause of Christ, and not be afraid to witness. also, he should never, ever be ashamed to let someone know that he is a Christian. one more thing and then i'm done (for right now). he should know what he believes and stand upon it no matter what. god bless. i have more, but have to go.

[already bought]

gosh, where to start. i believe that a real guy, to start with, needs to have the Holy Ghost leading and guiding him in everything. he needs to be a strong leader, not someone who is uncertain about what direction he should take in life, but not too proud to pray and seek guidance from God and other, more experienced brothers. he should be strong, not necessarily bulging with muscles (although that's a plus), but he should be able to carry his end of the load. he should be a protector of the weaker person, especially his sisters and sisters in the Lord. he should shun evil doings and be willing to speak out against it. he should be willing and able to take the lead when there is no clear leader, further the cause of Christ, and not be afraid to witness. also, he should never, ever be ashamed to let someone know that he is a Christian. one more thing and then i'm done (for right now). he should know what he believes and stand upon it no matter what. god bless. i have more, but have to go.

Thats really good. I'm not going to anwer that question on till after more people (guys) respond. But I really like that. It sums it up pretty good.
Guys feel free to add more. You are the guys so you guys know what makes a real man.
Ok one coment after all I know I know eating my words already eh.:y10: . I Believe it takes a real man to admit when they are wronge. Same gose for a woman.

OK now I really will zip it ok.:y10: Guys lets hear your point of view.

[already bought]

Do you think this topic deserves its own thread??????????
Your coment?????????????

[Jezz]

Do you think this topic deserves its own thread??????????
Your coment?????????????

http://yqnews.org/forums/showthread.php?t=515

try reading that :)

of course that thread is from the Fort, so don't tell anybody I told you to go there.....

[joris]

gosh, where to start. i believe that a real guy, to start with, needs to have the Holy Ghost leading and guiding him in everything. he needs to be a strong leader, not someone who is uncertain about what direction he should take in life, but not too proud to pray and seek guidance from God and other, more experienced brothers. he should be strong, not necessarily bulging with muscles (although that's a plus), but he should be able to carry his end of the load. he should be a protector of the weaker person, especially his sisters and sisters in the Lord. he should shun evil doings and be willing to speak out against it. he should be willing and able to take the lead when there is no clear leader, further the cause of Christ, and not be afraid to witness. also, he should never, ever be ashamed to let someone know that he is a Christian. one more thing and then i'm done (for right now). he should know what he believes and stand upon it no matter what. god bless. i have more, but have to go.uhm... you are a leader type of person, eagle_squadron; well ;)
if a real guy is to be a leader, I won't easily be a real guy -- and that's not because I wouldn't want to be one :y10: see being a leader is a talent/gift
though I agree with most of what you said:)

[JoeC]

In all depends on how you define leader...

[God'schild]

In all depends on how you define leader...

I believe that every guy is born a leader some in different ways.
But the guys are suspose to be the head of the home.
In my books that's a leader.

Those are my thoughts.

[eagle_squadron]

in my opinion, a real leader is someone that understands what the mission is and has either a general or detailed plan to get to the objective. he listens to input from his followers and may, or may not, use their advice in his decisions. he seeks further advice from those with similar experience, gains knowledge on the subject, and ponders his decision before deciding on a plan of action. while some decisions must be made on the fly, most of his decisions stem from a plan of action. he also knows how to inspire his followers (Stonewall Jackson, Napoleon, etc.), and show that he is worthy to be trusted. he knows how and where to get advice, and most importantly, for a Godly leader, he is a man of prayer (George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, just to name 2 noteworthy ones).

[joris]

But the guys are suspose to be the head of the home.
In my books that's a leader.guess... dunno; but sure I am pretty far away from being anything vaguely resembling a leader

[God'schild]

guess... dunno; but sure I am pretty far away from being anything vaguely resembling a leader

Joris

God made everyone different.........
God loves variety that's why he made everyone different. no one is the same.
God made us all speacial in our own way, We're Speacial in his eyes.
You may not think you are a leader, but you will be a leader someday when you start your own family. Then you'll be the head of the house.

[HotShot53]

Lol, don't worry Joris, many of us guys can't lead very effectively either ;) Whenever I try to plan something, few people seem to want to follow my plans... While I can do most of the things Eagle_squadron just said, I can't inspire anyone to follow me :( Sometimes I can hound them into following, though... we'll see who shows up at Family Camp to know if I'm successful at that ;)

[AndrewMichael]

Here is something that we ought to always remember.

The greater always serves the lesser. Almighty God washed the apostle's feet, being the servant of all, even though he was the Lord of all. Angels, even though greater than men, serve men for God's purposes.

Ladies, if you feel that being submissive to a man is hard, remember he really serves you. Why does a man want a woman to listen to him? For her benefit. Just like how God gave us His bible not to boast Himself or exalt His power, but because He knows if we will listen to Him, it is waaaaaay better for us. Why does a father want his children to listen to him? To make himself feel like he is the boss?? No, because he loves his children and wants them to listen for their benefit.

I believe the marriage is a type of this concept. Of course ladies, you aren't being submissive to someone who is perfect like the Lord, but a man that really loves you only wants you to be submissive because of what the Lord said, and that he loves you.

Men, maybe you aren't the greatest leader in the world, but you just keep seeking the Lord and that character of a man of God will come to life. We sometimes mistake Macho with Manly (me included). Macho is boasting one's power and authority given by God to make yourself look good, or the HEAD OF THE HOUSE! When a real manly man of God just wants to lead his family to a relationship with Christ, and follows God's structure because he knows it works.

Just my thoughts on the issue...

[already bought]

yeks man sounds like you have experince in this area.
Great response

[already bought]

umm some guys do like to show off there power. But real men I don't think so.

[eagle_squadron]

also, just as i side note, i think that a guy should be confident in his abilities. not cocky or showing off, but the confidence that comes in knowing that you can accomplish a task with proficiency. btw, that does not mean not relying on God. just means that you know what your abilities are.

[already bought]

you would have no abiltys if God didn't give them to each of us. We wouldn't even breath if it was not for him.

[eagle_squadron]

you would have no abiltys if God didn't give them to each of us. We wouldn't even breath if it was not for him.


i agree completely with that, howeverm what i meant was physical/technical abilities, such as the ability to unstop clogged toilets, lay drywall, service computers, play basketball, etc. Things that you have learned to do in school/everyday life.

[Blood Washed Bride]

Even with those, talents come into play. Some people just don't have the hands-on skill (or 'want-to') for some of those projects. :) I think you should be proud* of what you can do, regardless of how mediocre or impressive it is.

*not the haughty type of pride.... more of a 'confidence' kind, as was already mentioned