Guy and girl alone

[cabletown]

What do you all think about a guy and a girl being alone before marriage?

[marichino_freedom]

alone as in like going somewhere together (such as the mall?)

i have no problem with that....

[marichino_freedom]

however, i do think age has a lot to do with it. obviously 2 14 year olds shouldn't "alone". groups are fine for that.

hmm...i'm rambling.

but this is my own personal opinion

[BroTrevor]

however, i do think age has a lot to do with it.

I think I disagree there.

I'll trust an 18 yr old guess LESS with my daughter than I would a 14 yr old actually.

I'm not a fan of guy/girl being alone much. The more I hear about courtship principles, the more I like it. Go sit on the front porch of her parents house if you want to be alone to talk.

While you are "dating" the girl, it may be REALLY aggravating, but after you are married, and have no regrets about things you wish you wouldn't have done while dating, you'll appreciate it soo much.

The devil is out to get us. One of his primary targets is sex. (just look around at advertisements or walk through a grocery store checkout if you don't believe me) Putting 2 people in a scenario that will increase that kind of temptation isn't smart in my opinion. (and by "isn't smart" I mean stupid)

Such is my counsel on the matter anyhow.

[leahmb]

I think age DOES matter. There is NO reason 14 year olds should be alone....... I think when this question should come into play is when the two individuals are old enough to seriously consider marriage.

I don't have a set POV, but I am thinking the less time alone before engagement is probably healthier--leaves less room for temptation. I know this is hard and people are like 'How will we get to know each other?' Good question. But I know it can be done. How? I haven't got there yet :) Having someone else around most of the time is probably a smart idea. I'm not saying only in groups of 20, get to know them, but probably around their families or close friends.

I do know a couple that never drove alone before they were engaged and they managed to get to know each other just fine...

After engagement, since you've already made that promise, I think it is good to have more alone time. Obviously the temptation will still be there, but at least at that point you will know the person is your intended spouse and if you slip-up (not saying that I condone 'slip-ups'!), at least you're not messing with someone elses future spouse.

[marichino_freedom]

very well said leah, you said what i was thinking.

i know that my twelve year old neice has no business hanging out alone with her "boyfriend" (if you could call him that).

she has a myspace, and i check it often, just to see what she's up too. some of the things that go on there are just insane! i had no idea what half of the stuff that they all (the twelve year olds) talk about now was when i was twelve! (but i was pretty sheltered).

yes there is temptation. there will always be tempations. i just think that someone older would know more of how to deal with the temptation (i.e. set up certain rules/standards/etc.), instead of someone much younger. not in all cases, but you get my point, i hope.

[BroTrevor]

After engagement, since you've already made that promise, I think it is good to have more alone time. Obviously the temptation will still be there, but at least at that point you will know the person is your intended spouse and if you slip-up (not saying that I condone 'slip-ups'!), at least you're not messing with someone elses future spouse.

Which is exactly the problem. In your mind the "slip-up" consequence is less, so it's not a "problem" if you do "slip-up". This kind of thing is pretty common actually. The guard gets let down because the consequence is "lessened".

Which is kinda my point about the age thing. Sure the older people SHOULD know how to handle the temptation better than the younger. I feel however, that the older people should also be smart enough to realize how strong that temptation is, and to take steps and measures to avoid it. Being alone, for extended periods, late, and/or at the apartment or house that the boy gets a couple months before marriage are very temptatious situations. (is temptatious a word?)

These situations should be avoided no matter WHAT age. So in my mind, age doesn't matter. The younger shouldn't be allowed to be together. The older should be smart enough not to be.

[vpiper]

I agree the proper way to deal with courtship is no alone time, I'm not saying you can't sit on the porch away from other people but still in view.

question is why would you poke a lion?

[marichino_freedom]

i guess i dont know what else to say here. that was about it.

[leahmb]

Which is exactly the problem. In your mind the "slip-up" consequence is less, so it's not a "problem" if you do "slip-up".

Let me clarify, NO, that is not MY mind. I believe in purity ALL THE WAY! And I know there are consequences for doing things wrong. But I do think there is a difference of something happening with some one else's spouse (because that's adultury) or your future spouse. Brother Branham said when you make the vow or marriage, you are married in God's eyes. How does that fit in? I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself <sigh>

I think once you've reached an engagement if you have 'purposeful' alone time, it may be fine. That would be having accountability for where you're going for how long and not put yourselves in situations that could end up 'scandelous.' But I think unchaperoned "lets go for a drive" or "lets just hang out at my place" could get temptuous (that's my version of the word:)).

[vpiper]

Let me clarify, NO, that is not MY mind. I believe in purity ALL THE WAY! And I know there are consequences for doing things wrong. But I do think there is a difference of something happening with some one else's spouse (because that's adultury) or your future spouse. Brother Branham said when you make the vow or marriage, you are married in God's eyes. How does that fit in? I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself <sigh>

I think once you've reached an engagement if you have 'purposeful' alone time, it may be fine. That would be having accountability for where you're going for how long and not put yourselves in situations that could end up 'scandelous.' But I think unchaperoned "lets go for a drive" or "lets just hang out at my place" could get temptuous (that's my version of the word:)).

I agree kind of. people can twist the married in God's eyes to mean they can do what they want, and that shouldn't be.

[marichino_freedom]

i've heard that expression before.

i agree that words can become twisted.

[vpiper]

i've heard that expression before.

i agree that words can become twisted.

that is all.

why do you keep saying that's all?

[marichino_freedom]

well, now that i look at it, it sounds kind of snotty. i'm not trying to be snotty. i just dont have anymore to say on the topic. this topic isnt for me i guess

[vpiper]

well, now that i look at it, it sounds kind of snotty. i'm not trying to be snotty. i just dont have anymore to say on the topic. this topic isnt for me i guess
lol you know you don't have to say anything.:)

[joris]

Let me clarify, NO, that is not MY mind. I believe in purity ALL THE WAY! And I know there are consequences for doing things wrong. But I do think there is a difference of something happening with some one else's spouse (because that's adultury) or your future spouse. Brother Branham said when you make the vow or marriage, you are married in God's eyes. How does that fit in? I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself <sigh>uhm if a promise is marriage in His eye, why are you against sex after that promise = marriage.
Oh well... I know I guess for that one I'd go with the more traditional way of saying marriage is a promise in front of everyone, not in private... ;) though again, that's not according to Branham, and I don't really think bible requires such a public promise.
(Oh well, but in bible times things were rather different, the story of Isaak, for example, being about a servant bringing back a bride, not Isaak getting a wife himself... not that that matters too much, who has a Godly servant to go searching and bring back a bride, today?)

Not that I care that much about tradition, but I rather live purely, and... oh well, not waiting for that unbiblical public promise... seems that might well have to do with lust.
Talking of which, based on a conversation I had with a brother, could one of the coupled people please assure me that in marriage, sex doesn't at all have to be lust? That, even sex, can be loving, not lusting? Seems we don't want to get married, if self-centered lust would be in that, no? :confused: sorry for an offtopic question.
But it also seems to me that God doesn't call sex sin in itself, but if sex and lust must go together, it is sin in that way...
sorry, it's just a stupid idea

[leahmb]

I don't think within marriage it's all about lust. Actually, I've been listening to a series of sermons on affection. Here's the scripture references:
2 Timothy 3

1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.


2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

Romans 1:26 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=1&verse=26&version=9&context=verse)
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

The minister made the point that the devil tries to tempt those not married with sex because it's a perverted (vile) affection and tries to tempt those who are married with abstaining because it's a natural affection.

[joris]

Romans 1:26 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=52&chapter=1&verse=26&version=9&context=verse)
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature::think:uhm read the next verses and you see the meaning of this term, "vile affections".

Seems the other text doesn't at all necessarily talk about marriage or so, either... oh well
I guess the man will know better than I do

[leahmb]

:think:uhm read the next verses and you see the meaning of this term, "vile affections".

I don't believe 'vile affections' only refers to homosexuality.

[joris]

I don't believe 'vile affections' only refers to homosexuality.it may or may not refer to more things, depending on interpretation. Now, the best way to get the right interpretation is actually looking at the original Greek text, as that's got the words paul wrote down originally. Failing that, compare to other translations to get the best possible insight... :)
One Dutch translation speaks of "lusts", another of "dishonouring longings"... Okay let's have a look at that original Greek then... does anyone here have it?

[leahmb]

it may or may not refer to more things, depending on interpretation. Now, the best way to get the right interpretation is actually looking at the original Greek text, as that's got the words paul wrote down originally. Failing that, compare to other translations to get the best possible insight... :)
One Dutch translation speaks of "lusts", another of "dishonouring longings"... Okay let's have a look at that original Greek then

Would you like to present the Greek interpretation?

[joris]

Would you like to present the Greek interpretation?I'm sorry, I don't have it... no clue where I'd get the Greek text... (and puzzling through it would take some work too... ;))

[Skirty]

Personally I think it's important to have 'alone' time... I don't mean hanging out at his place alone together, that's just asking for trouble.
But if you are unable to control yourself in a restaraunt or a coffee shop, I think you have some bigger issues that need to be worked out before you even consider courting someone.
If you're not comfortable with that, then don't do it.
But two people that are in a position to be seeing each other should have a strong enough walk with the Lord and enough respect for each other and themselves to be able to keep their distance.

I know everyone is different, but I for one act different around different people.
In what we believe, once you say "I do", thats it. So I want to make sure I know that person as well as possible, and I want to make sure I'm comfortable around him. Having someone else there, no matter how comfortable I am with them, changes how I interact. Just the way I am.

If you set rules for yourself, I think you should be fine. Things like always being in a public place or no touching...
And if you are mature enough to be courting someone, you had better be mature enough to abide by those rules.

Just my opinion. I know some people disagree with it, but thats what I believe.

[Philippe]

The book "Boys Meet Girls" from Joshua Harris does explain well many of those things...

In my opinion, you should be very carefull before being engaged to stay pure as much as possible as you don't want to be influenced by your flesh desire for such an important decision as with who you would marry.

You also want to still have something to give to your wife/husband the day you get married...

[marichino_freedom]

no, i agree.

i go places all the time with seth (to the mall, eating, etc). plus i practically live at the pipers house :D but there is always someone around.

like when we go places (such as camping this past weekend, and disneyworld) we have his sister come along as a "chaperone" of sorts, but i like it when she comes because she is fun, too....and my friend. that way we get to go places together for more than one day.

[HotShot53]

I'd have to agree with what Skirty just wrote... as long as you keep to the "no touching" and "only going to public places alone together", I would hope that both of you are strong enough to keep to that... and that also gives you 2 safeguards, if you break only one or the other nothing tooo bad would happen (though you would hopefully not break either), and if you're going to go far enough to break both, no "rules" are really going to work, you'd know what you're intending (not saying everyone has to abide by those 2 guidelines, that's just what I intend to go by)

[BroTrevor]

if you're going to go far enough to break both, no "rules" are really going to work, you'd know what you're intending (not saying everyone has to abide by those 2 guidelines, that's just what I intend to go by)

Yeah... Rules are only smart protections against temptation swaying you. If it's not temptation and it's just outright intent....well, obviously rules aren't gonna do a thing.



And to Joris' question.... passion is not always lust.

[leahmb]

1 Thessalonians 5:22

Abstain from all appearance of evil.

I don't know...something when I read BroTrevor's post made me think of this scriputure. I think it's applicable in MANY areas of our lives! If something's not clear, but 'appears' evil, then it's good to abstain.....

This isn't always easy and it's something I am continually working on in my life. I think something this week I've been thinking about is the word 'sanctify.' It came up in our Sunday morning service and I've been thinking how we can sanctify our lives......

[cabletown]

Didn't Bro. Branham say something about not being alone with a lady? I couldn't find a quote but I've been told that.

[leahmb]

I have never heard that before....*for whatever that's worth*

[AlanaH]

Funny that this thread should come up...
We've been dealing with the courtship question for a few weeks now at our youth meetings, and it's been good.
I agree with a lot of the views here on it, namely, no being alone until you are engaged...it's not that hard to find a friend to be a chaperone. And unless you're both trying to go too far too fast, you shouldn't really mind having one around.
That's my POV.

[joris]

And to Joris' question.... passion is not always lust.I'm glad you added that. Strange what it was, but it was a serious question ... :)

[Sara]

The younger shouldn't be allowed to be together. The older should be smart enough not to be.

Oh my... i couldn't agree more with that last part. Speechless. :ok:

[Dreamer]

I believe that their biggest concern should be getting the Holy Ghost, because if they had it they wouldn't have to worry about 'temptation'. The Holy Ghost is a perfect gentleman, it won't do anything unseemly--it leads you into all truth.

[leahmb]

I think ALL people are tempted. Jesus was tempted.

But on a positive note :)

1 Corinthians 10:13 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=10&verse=13&version=9&context=verse)
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

[Dreamer]

Yes, if you have the Holy Ghost, you will not give in to that temptation; the devil tempted Jesus, but Jesus was not going to give in, not in the least.:)

[leahmb]

I agree with you 100%. I just was making that point that even people with the Holy Ghost get tempted :)

[EllyMae]

I agree with you 100%. I just was making that point that even people with the Holy Ghost get tempted :)

That's true. That's why people shouldn't even consider getting in a relationship without having the Holy Ghost.

The Holy Ghost helps us make the right choices. Going somewhere alone with a person is one of those. We have to follow the leading of the Lord, and stay perfectly in His will. If at all you think you shouldn't go somewhere alone (even in public), or just have a small doubt, don't do it.

[Nate]

I dunno. I think it says something bad about the parrents if they can't trust their kid to go to the movies, or dinner, or whatever with their girlfriend or boyfriend, without thinking they're going to get it on in the two hours nobody's watching. I think there's a fine line between high standards and legalism. And I don't really think it's a parrent's job to hold their kids' hand when it comes to a relationship. I think by then, the training wheels should be off. If they aren't, there's a whole lot more you should be concerned about than their virginity.
And since when did their virginity become an issue to the rest of their friends and family? That honestly seems pretty nosey to me. Someone's sex life is a private matter. As are their relationships, and feelings, and all those mooshy things best left in country songs.
As a guy, I can honestly tell you that I would be tempted to have sex before marriage. If I wasn't, she'd have to be pretty stinkin' ugly, or I'd have had to have had a near fatal accident while mountain biking. But I'd like to think I'd keep myself chaste, and not because everyone has their eye on me and the girl I'm with, but because I've got integrity.

[marichino_freedom]

i think that was very well put, nate.

you have a good point with it being between the two and not the whole family.

[EllyMae]

I dunno. I think it says something bad about the parrents if they can't trust their kid to go to the movies, or dinner, or whatever with their girlfriend or boyfriend, without thinking they're going to get it on in the two hours nobody's watching. I think there's a fine line between high standards and legalism. And I don't really think it's a parrent's job to hold their kids' hand when it comes to a relationship. I think by then, the training wheels should be off. If they aren't, there's a whole lot more you should be concerned about than their virginity.
And since when did their virginity become an issue to the rest of their friends and family? That honestly seems pretty nosey to me. Someone's sex life is a private matter. As are their relationships, and feelings, and all those mooshy things best left in country songs.
As a guy, I can honestly tell you that I would be tempted to have sex before marriage. If I wasn't, she'd have to be pretty stinkin' ugly, or I'd have had to have had a near fatal accident while mountain biking. But I'd like to think I'd keep myself chaste, and not because everyone has their eye on me and the girl I'm with, but because I've got integrity.

I agree somewhat, but you say it's not the parents' job to hold their kid's hands, well what are they there for then? Why did they spend all those years raising that child? Just because they are old enough to get in a relationship doesn't mean they no longer need guidance from their parents. I believe as long as someone is still under the roof of their parents, the parents do have say in what goes on in the relationship. In my opinion, parents are allowed to be nosey. That's what good parents do, they know what's going on in their children's lives and relationships. And if it's a healthy Godly relationship like it should be, then their parents shouldn't have to do too much. If it's not, then they have the right to take necessary actions to change that.

[BroTrevor]

I dunno. I think it says something bad about the parrents if they can't trust their kid to go to the movies, or dinner, or whatever with their girlfriend or boyfriend, without thinking they're going to get it on in the two hours nobody's watching. I think there's a fine line between high standards and legalism. And I don't really think it's a parrent's job to hold their kids' hand when it comes to a relationship. I think by then, the training wheels should be off. If they aren't, there's a whole lot more you should be concerned about than their virginity.
And since when did their virginity become an issue to the rest of their friends and family? That honestly seems pretty nosey to me. Someone's sex life is a private matter. As are their relationships, and feelings, and all those mooshy things best left in country songs.
As a guy, I can honestly tell you that I would be tempted to have sex before marriage. If I wasn't, she'd have to be pretty stinkin' ugly, or I'd have had to have had a near fatal accident while mountain biking. But I'd like to think I'd keep myself chaste, and not because everyone has their eye on me and the girl I'm with, but because I've got integrity.


Well posted, but I have to add a bit to this.

I understand there is an age line at some point where the kids have to make choices for themselves. As I said in an earlier post, younger kids shouldn't be allowed to be alone together, and older should be smart enough not to.

Even you mention that you'd be tempted...

To that I say, be smart enough not to find yourself on a date parked on top of a beautiful overlook late at night.

The devil is out to get us any way he can, it is wise to guard areas we would be weaker in.

[vpiper]

Well posted, but I have to add a bit to this.

I understand there is an age line at some point where the kids have to make choices for themselves. As I said in an earlier post, younger kids shouldn't be allowed to be alone together, and older should be smart enough not to.

Even you mention that you'd be tempted...

To that I say, be smart enough not to find yourself on a date parked on top of a beautiful overlook late at night.

The devil is out to get us any way he can, it is wise to guard areas we would be weaker in.
I just want to clarify that you mean that the older should be smart enough not to be alone together to allow room for the temptation and not just smart enough not to give into the temptation.
As some one else said the Holy Ghost will help with your temptation, but when you take Jesus out of the driver's seat and think you can handle yourself you might be in for some trouble.

yes it is between you and the other person and God, just don't forget about God

[SisTrev]

so if you know that you're gonna be tempted to do something you shoudn't, then why invite the temptation in. Dont go out alone. If you know you 're gonna have to fight off temptation its best not to even give the devil that inch. Its no fun to always go places with a group of people but there are times when it really helps. Only go places alone that are public. Then you wont have to worry about getting into trouble. "Parking" is not public. I dont care how pretty the sunset is.

And in my personnal opinion...any guy and/or girl under the age of 18 shouldn't be going out alone anyway.

[vpiper]

so if you know that you're gonna be tempted to do something you shoudn't, then why invite the temptation in. Dont go out alone. If you know you 're gonna have to fight off temptation its best not to even give the devil that inch. Its no fun to always go places with a group of people but there are times when it really helps. Only go places alone that are public. Then you wont have to worry about getting into trouble. "Parking" is not public. I dont care how pretty the sunset is.

And in my personnal opinion...any guy and/or girl under the age of 18 shouldn't be going out alone anyway.

Sounds good to me, well said

[Nate]

I think you don't give enough credit to good sense and strong morals. I've got a cousin who's not a christian, only done the church thing on a few holidays weddings and funerals, is 18, has a prostitute for a mom and an alchoholic for a dad, and even he is able to repeatedly turn down his very attractive girlfriend's advances, because he knows it's the right thing to do. I seriously question the Holy Spirit's involvment in premarital relationship struggles. I think abstinence is more of a common sense and decency thing than a spiritual matter.

Sis Trev, you get tempted just being around that person, doesn't matter where you're at. Sex doesn't start in the bedroom. It starts in the mind. That's our biggest battleground.

And Elly, when you're in an adult relationship, your parrents' hands are off. If something goes wrong, it's your problem, not your mom or dad's. They're there for advice, for encouragement, and recipes. I dunno. I suppose it's different for a girl. Your mom and dad aught to be there keeping a close eye on the whole thing. Guys are kind of stuck on their own in my experience. Usually even for the recipes.
I guess they have a different support system. But it's still no one's responsibility but the couples'.

[EllyMae]

And Elly, when you're in an adult relationship, your parrents' hands are off. If something goes wrong, it's your problem, not your mom or dad's. They're there for advice, for encouragement, and recipes. I dunno. I suppose it's different for a girl. Your mom and dad aught to be there keeping a close eye on the whole thing. Guys are kind of stuck on their own in my experience. Usually even for the recipes.
I guess they have a different support system. But it's still no one's responsibility but the couples'.

Yes, I understand when you're a grown-up you have to make choices about your relationship by yourself, not your parents. I was just speaking of younger people, still under the roof of their parents who still need help making the right choices.

[AlanaH]

It depends a lot on your "want to". If you want to remain chaste and commit your self to remaining, you will. Period. If you don't really want to, you will be swayed easily, and then you probably won't remain chaste.

[MarieLenora]

I think you don't give enough credit to good sense and strong morals. I've got a cousin who's not a christian, only done the church thing on a few holidays weddings and funerals, is 18, has a prostitute for a mom and an alchoholic for a dad, and even he is able to repeatedly turn down his very attractive girlfriend's advances, because he knows it's the right thing to do. I seriously question the Holy Spirit's involvment in premarital relationship struggles. I think abstinence is more of a common sense and decency thing than a spiritual matter.

Sis Trev, you get tempted just being around that person, doesn't matter where you're at. Sex doesn't start in the bedroom. It starts in the mind. That's our biggest battleground.

And Elly, when you're in an adult relationship, your parrents' hands are off. If something goes wrong, it's your problem, not your mom or dad's. They're there for advice, for encouragement, and recipes. I dunno. I suppose it's different for a girl. Your mom and dad aught to be there keeping a close eye on the whole thing. Guys are kind of stuck on their own in my experience. Usually even for the recipes.
I guess they have a different support system. But it's still no one's responsibility but the couples'.

Nate, You have a very responsible cousin. That's all I'll touch on there.

But--just to clarify for the gals-- from a Biblical (and therefore, Message) perspective, it's very different for the girls. Because if a girl has a dad, she should never be out from under his headship. And therefore, Daddy has a perfect right to step in--whether the girl's 16 or 35.

I realize this is a touchy subject. I realize there are exceptions to the rule, where girls may not have dads to guide them. But... the Bible's very explicit on this one.

[God'schild]

Here's a question

What if the girl doesn't live at home, lives on her own what happens then does the guy still have to ask the dad for persmission??

[jordancpeterson]

Sure, why not? (Granted, no one has to do anything... but would I prefer it, yes, whether I was on either side of the coin).

[godschild9213]

I personally think its fine if they are strong enough in the Lord and know they boundaries... for me a 15 yr old Id like to have atleast 5 mins alone with my boyfriend once in a while (if i had 1) but i would never go farther than holdin hands ive seen to many strong christians fail and go farther than holdin hands I pray God will give me strength i know He will :)

but i dont think being alone matter that much if they are trushtworthy however atleast couple more ppl around them wouldnt matter..

but to come to the end of this... my opinion would be diff. if the environment around them was different like in room with door closed or in dark alone etc.

[Nate]

Yes, I understand when you're a grown-up you have to make choices about your relationship by yourself, not your parents. I was just speaking of younger people, still under the roof of their parents who still need help making the right choices.

Oh, yeah, definitely agree with you, there. But, and I'm going to sound like a grumpy old man here, I don't think kids should be getting in "serious" relationships before they can vote. Your life changes SO much between 15 and 25. By college, what you did in high school really doesn't matter a whole lot.

[marichino_freedom]

yes thats very true. even from 18 to 21 it changes a lot! maturity levels are (generally) better/higher when you are a little older.

[EllyMae]

Oh, yeah, definitely agree with you, there. But, and I'm going to sound like a grumpy old man here, I don't think kids should be getting in "serious" relationships before they can vote. Your life changes SO much between 15 and 25. By college, what you did in high school really doesn't matter a whole lot.

While I do agree, I wouldn't say people should never get in serious relationships before they're 18 years old. Maturity levels are different with each individual person, and God has a different plan for everyone of us. However, I will say that people are getting in relationships a lot younger nowadays, and most, I'm afraid, are rushing it.

[jordancpeterson]

I'm 24 and still growing a lot in my faith and walk with the Lord, how I handle the Lord's money and time... so much growing to do.

[Nomes]

I don't think kids should be getting in "serious" relationships before they can vote. .

I was going to agree with you.. then I remembered my mum was 17 when she was married..

I do think it's too young. Especially when you think that's still High School age. But maturity levels vary so much with different people it's hard to make a hard and vast age cut off. I hope my mum was more mature then "kids of today" at 17.

[Nate]

I was going to agree with you.. then I remembered my mum was 17 when she was married..

I do think it's too young. Especially when you think that's still High School age. But maturity levels vary so much with different people it's hard to make a hard and vast age cut off. I hope my mum was more mature then "kids of today" at 17.

I doubt it. Not to be mean or anything. I just doubt that she was any more mature than any other given 17 year-old girl. Save some kind of mental problem, a person is as mature as they want to be. Maybe ask her how she feels in retrospect about marrying so young? Let us know what she says.

[Nomes]

I don't think she was some great ultra mature lady. I just know she wasn't some 17 year old who was still worried about whether Jack was going to be at the party on friday night and whether they were going to hook up or if Joe liked her, but her best friend had soo rudely bought the same hot dress as her so Jack hooked up with her instead. But it's ok cos Mark left her a myspace comment, so she didn't need to be depressed anymore.

No she wasn't that kind of 17 year old girl.

When we're fighting cos I'm not allowed to do something I give her the "You were engaged at my age and married only a year older then me". And she throws back the..."it was different back then". In some ways, I believe her. She did grow up with only a brother 11 years older then her and one friend who was married with kids and then dad who was 6 years older then her. Being only around people who are considerably older then you has got to influence your maturity.

Mums view in retrospect of marrying so young:

I don't regret it. I always wanted to mary young and grow up with my children.

Bit vague, bit of a cop-out but there it is.

[leahmb]

Oh, yeah, definitely agree with you, there. But, and I'm going to sound like a grumpy old man here, I don't think kids should be getting in "serious" relationships before they can vote. Your life changes SO much between 15 and 25. By college, what you did in high school really doesn't matter a whole lot.

I completely agree! Even if you seem to yourself or others as a 'mature teen' I still think you drastically change. I think I could almost make a statement that I think you should be old enough to buy alcohol (or we could say rent a car instead.) :tongue_sm

But that's off topic...

[godschild9213]

agree with elly there each maturity level is individual to everyone... you can act ur age or act like a 2 yr old w.e I know alot of ppl im more mature than but we are the same age..how is that? becuz the individual affiar like how ur maturity in God is individual so is ur maturity in life..:)

its was alot different back then my mom got married around 16-17 i believe it wasnt becuz she was wild. its what God had planned for her & what He allowed...

ppl today are rushin 2 much..(me myself) im tryin not to just kickin it back for awhile lol but yes they dont need to get that serious for awhile..but love is love u cant stop it no matter how old or how young.

[redeemed]

Maturity definetly has a lot to do with a relationship. But not only uhh emotional or physical maturity but even more so, spiritual maturity. Someone can be really mature physically and emotionally but they are not mature spiratually and therefore mess up. Before someone gets into a relationship they need to have the Holy Ghost, this is what will lead them and guide them in a relationship and what will show them what is okay and what is not.
I disagree with putting yourself in temptous....( we really ought to make a dictionary for the words that we put on here..;) lol) situations even with the Holy Ghost, Satan tempted Jesus, that means that we can also be tempted so why risk it when we can be in situations that keep us away from amking a mistake that we will regret all of our lives?
I hope that makes some sort of sense and that I didn't step on anyone's toes...:)

[EllyMae]

but love is love u cant stop it no matter how old or how young.

Yes, sometimes you can't stop how you are feeling (by ourself that is, only with God's help), but we certainly shouldn't go by feelings alone. I think we have all at least liked someone that we now know is not our soul mate. If we only go by feelings we'll get ourselves into trouble time and time again. The devil often times uses our feelings to deceive us. So, I think it's very important not to rush into things and sincerely pray and seek guidance from the Lord before considering/entering a relationship. And if those feelings are not from the Lord, then I know by faith He would take those feelings away.

[NeedGod]

Yeah, you can't go by feelings, or the lack of them too. Remember many people told me that they are now married to peoploe they had no feelings for at one point. But then again, one needs to be hopelessly in love by the time they marry, no less...I would say

[joris]

Maturity definetly has a lot to do with a relationship. But not only uhh emotional or physical maturity but even more so, spiritual maturity. Someone can be really mature physically and emotionally but they are not mature spiratually and therefore mess up.How can you ever be emotionally mature if you aren't spiritually mature. Sounds like an impossible thing to me :confused:

Yes, sometimes you can't stop how you are feeling (by ourself that is, only with God's help), but we certainly shouldn't go by feelings alone. I think we have all at least liked someone that we now know is not our soul mate.Yea, but exactly what do you have in mind? Have had, at times, not wanting to respond to all emotions and confusions (because of fears of rejection and pain and friendship dying and such) but it only got worse untill I shared. She was like, no, she didn't want relationship or even for normal friendship to come closer. Weird enough, it kinda got better after I opened up (though still not everything is gone I guess)

[redeemed]

lol, point taken....let me clarify that...
Many times people think that they are emotionally mature because they seem like they can handle things that come...it's not necessarily true that they are mature emotionally but they don't realize that. So many times they think that they are emotionally mature because they can box up feelings (even though they are not really gettind rid of the feelings, just putting them aside for another time then they will resurface and they will either have the Lord and hand them over to him or they will box them up again.) They think that is what emotional maturity is, when in essence this is far from the truth.
I feel like I'm contradicting myself...I know what I mean but to explain it...that is the hard part lol

[joris]

lol, point taken....let me clarify that...
Many times people think that they are emotionally mature because they seem like they can handle things that come...it's not necessarily true that they are mature emotionally but they don't realize that. So many times they think that they are emotionally mature because they can box up feelings (even though they are not really gettind rid of the feelings, just putting them aside for another time then they will resurface and they will either have the Lord and hand them over to him or they will box them up again.) They think that is what emotional maturity is, when in essence this is far from the truth.
I feel like I'm contradicting myself...I know what I mean but to explain it...that is the hard part lolI understand what you're saying here I think :) A bit at least
But what were you referring to the first time? People thinking they are mature, or mature people? ;)

(Thinking I'm not mature at all. oh well :confused:)

[TommyLewis]

How can you ever be emotionally mature if you aren't spiritually mature. Sounds like an impossible thing to me :confused:



I guess it depends what you mean by spiritually mature. If by spiritually mature you're refering to a mature walk with God, it is definetly possible to be emotionally mature without being spiritually mature. There are plenty of atheists and agnostics out there who are emotionally mature. The two are not necesarily intertwined.

[NeedGod]

yup, agreeing with Tommy. But the best way to ensure emotional maturity is to get spiritual maturity :)

[joris]

I guess it depends what you mean by spiritually mature. If by spiritually mature you're refering to a mature walk with God, it is definetly possible to be emotionally mature without being spiritually mature. There are plenty of atheists and agnostics out there who are emotionally mature. The two are not necesarily intertwined.I have no clue what you mean by "emotionally mature" if you can call any atheist "emotionally mature"

[TommyLewis]

I have no clue what you mean by "emotionally mature" if you can call any atheist "emotionally mature"

The definition to emotionally mature would be, quite obviously, someone who is mature, not childlike, in terms of his or hers emotional development...
And to say no atheist is mature in their emotional development is quite narrow minded, not to mention dramatically elitist...

[redeemed]

I understand what you're saying here I think :) A bit at least
But what were you referring to the first time? People thinking they are mature, or mature people? ;)

(Thinking I'm not mature at all. oh well :confused:)

lol....People that are emotionally mature... Now I really sound like I'm contradicting myself....:ng_thumbd lol

[joris]

The definition to emotionally mature would be, quite obviously, someone who is mature, not childlike, in terms of his or hers emotional development...You're funny. You just put up a new term which doesn't bring anything new.

My feeling here is, it's really closely attached to being spiritually mature, perhaps it's just a another name for "fruit of the Spirit". Ofcourse, if you have a totally different idea about what it's supposed to mean, you're calling me elitist.. On the other hand, if you go too far you end up calling little children emotionally mature (and yes, many teens and adults aren't much different from little children - in the sinful way)

[Skirty]

To do alot of paraphrasing, being 'emotionally mature' means having control over your emotions, rather than allowing your emotions to have control over you.
There are countless people who are emotionally mature and have never opened a bible.

[joris]

To do alot of paraphrasing, being 'emotionally mature' means having control over your emotions, rather than allowing your emotions to have control over you.
There are countless people who are emotionally mature and have never opened a bible.countless :confused:
Oh well, guess it's just me being far enough from being "emotionally mature" to question whether many out there are... :think:

[TommyLewis]

You're funny. You just put up a new term which doesn't bring anything new.
I didn't honestly feel I needed to define the term...it seems fairly self evident...


On the other hand, if you go too far you end up calling little children emotionally mature (and yes, many teens and adults aren't much different from little children - in the sinful way)

Emotional maturity is not intrinsically tied to age either...

[joris]

Mature: Dictionary:
Brought by natural process to completeness of growth and development; fitted by growth and development for any function, action, or state, appropriate to its kind; full-grown; ripe.

So an atheist, by definition living ungodly, consistently has emotions "fitted for any function, action or state, appropriate to its kind" ? Just depends on what you think, "fits" (and is "appropriate"), right

[Elijah]

Some time its very deceiving coz we are poeple with like passions to any other moltal so we just have to be careful. We dont have to give the devil a chance. But if its out of good faith i have no problem with it.

What do you all think about a guy and a girl being alone before marriage?

[joris]

Some time its very deceiving coz we are poeple with like passions to any other moltal so we just have to be careful. We dont have to give the devil a chance. But if its out of good faith i have no problem with it.I think when you are clear to each other what you agree is okay (and what isn't), that danger is already much smaller -- out of respect for the other, that you won't so easily overstep some borders, (and the other may say uhm we agreed we wouldn't go there)

Thinking it really isn't that obvious to start kissing if you agreed you wouldn't, not as if that happens by accident (same applies to hands holding, if for some reason you think any and every touch is evil -- if the person happens to have 'touch' as the first love language, he/she is likely never to feel really loved in that case, though)