Distancing from 'worldy' friends.

[Nomes]

I would really appreciate some help.. And thought maybe others would have some advice having gone through same/similar things. Or maybe i'm alone..

I need to distance myself from my "worldly" friends. I don't like classifying them as "wordly", as it seems to make me better then them, like they're bad. It's not the case. I don't think I'm better then them. But I'm at a place where I think distancing myself is the best thing to do..

I don't want to lose them for good. I still want to be their friend. I just don't want to be really close to them, like I am.

So was wondering if anyone had some advice/similar experience/whatever as to how I could go about this, in the kindest way possible.

Thanks guys.

Should also say that I've prayed about it. Alot. So maybe the answer is just to wait and stick it out.. I don't know.

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this.. Or isn't a site where you can post this at all.

[redeemed_lizzi]

Why do you feel you need to distance yourself from your friends?
Is it their converstation that gets you down? Their attitude? Their character? Are they on the whole not edifying to your walk? I think once you answer these questions, then you will be able to know in what ways they are not edifying your life. And so, you will be able to work out what to do and say to them.

[AlanaH]

My mom has a saying that she always used when I would get around worldly people. (or even some believers that were not living a proper life)

When it drags you down, get away from it.

Just like a drowning person will sometimes panic and end up taking down their rescuer with them, when that happens, you have to let them go and do their own thing or you risk your own life.

Are they being a bad influence on you? Are you spending more time with them than with believers or in the Word?

And the best way to get away is to slowly wean away. Just gradually spend less and less time doing whatever it is that you did with them. Cutting things off too quickly can hurt them (and you) alot, and I've found that it's easier to just gradually back off.

[Nomes]

Thanks AlanaH. That's what I was hoping to do. Slowly distance myself..

Redeemed_Lizzi.. I think it's alot of things in general. They're not bad people as in they're not out to hurt people.. just a mixture of alot of things in general. They're getting into a bit of the party scene, alcohol, guys/girls, and not just the usual disagreeing with your parents but really disrespectfully fighting with them. I can't even think of reasons in particular now that you've asked. I just know that they're not a good influence.. Is that a good enough reason?

At the same time I want to be a good influence on them. It's just hard. Being a good influence and not being dragged under by their unfluence. That's why I wonder should I just get out of it all together, but don't know how to.

[Nomes]

Goodness. Reading over that, didn't make a lot of sense. Maybe don't worry about my question. I fail to make sense..


jhgliygrhl.

[AlanaH]

No...don't go cutting yourself down now. It made perfect sense to me, and it's a perfectly good question.

And I would start cutting off for (really) any of the things that you've mentioned. Number one being that deep down, you know that they're not a good influence. To me, that's reason enough to start pulling out.

And if for some reason, God has someone there that you need to witness to, after you pull away, God will bring them back to you.

Main thing is to just rest, and do what you know to be right, even if it contradicts what everyone else says.

[Nate]

Don't stop being a friend to them. Just don't follow them into the parties and the parrents arguing and stuff. They'll be the ones distancing themselves from you, not the other way around.

[Nomes]

Thanks.

It won't let me just write thanks, isn't enough characters. But that's what I wanted to say.

Thanks.

[vpiper]

I'm encouraged to see a person your age realizing what kind of influence people can have on you. You can be a Christian light to them, but like Nate said, don't try to do it by attending the parties and encouraging their side of the parent/child argument. They may choose not to be friends with you anymore cause you guys are not "into" the same things anymore, and that's okay.

I will be praying for you.

[marichino_freedom]

i have friends like that.....but they respect my decisions

[Skirty]

If you want to 'distance' yourself from them, you have to be open with them. By that I do not mean saying, 'I can't be around you so much because you're a bad influence and could start me on a pathway to hell". Unless of course, you want to be rid of them for good! lol.
My biggest problem with coming back to church was all my friends. They don't understand if you just say 'no' to things... you have to tell them 'why', just try not to be preachy or condescending.
If they are real friends, they want you around as more than a drinking or party buddy, and will most likely understand. Especially if you have been in the message for a long time, and they know that.

For me it was quite different. I met most of them at parties or bars, so explaining to them that I wouldn't be giong with them anymore wasn't exactly easy... but I am still friends with all of them.

[marichino_freedom]

if i didnt have "worldly" friends, i'd be virtually friendless here......at least, outside of the forums......most of you all live a VERY LONG way away from me. :D

[EllyMae]

My biggest problem with coming back to church was all my friends. They don't understand if you just say 'no' to things... you have to tell them 'why', just try not to be preachy or condescending.

I think it's a good thing to tell them why. That's a good way to witness to them. I remember when I first became a Christian, I had to explain over and over to people why I've changed. Now, I have to explain a lot less, but it's generally only to new people that I meet. Witnessing, and testifying is very important. How will anybody know the truth if we don't tell them? Faith comes by hearing, right? Like Nate said and others, don't cut them off completely. Those who are truely your friend will still make an effort to spend time with you. But those who only want a drinking buddy will soon realize that's not who you are, and they will be the ones who distance themselves from you. That's what happened to me. Most of my really good friends I've known since I was a little girl. And one in particular, when she realized she was interested in entirely different things, she stopped coming around. Now I see her maybe once every 3 months or so. But I do have a few worldly friends who accept me for who I am, make an effort to hang out with me, they watch their language around me, and do things with me that wouldn't be contrary to my beliefs.

[leahmb]

I heard somewhere "Either you're being influenced or being an influence." So I try to evaluate situations on those merits. If I am not being a positive influence and they are being a negative, then it is time for apart times. Sometimes only for a season, but sometimes for good. I've had friendships go either way. Sometimes they've just taken a little detour and our paths meet up again a little later down the road. And a few have not. Plus a few that I'm waiting to see...

[marichino_freedom]

yeah, i've had my fair share of fair weather friends, and true blues.......

[AlanaH]

I think everyone does at some point in their life. Unless you're a hermit who lives 100 miles from anybody...

[vpiper]

hey that sounds like Me

[marichino_freedom]

you are not a hermit!!!!!!

[vpiper]

I do live 100 miles from everyone

[Nomes]

I'm encouraged to see a person your age realizing what kind of influence people can have on you. You can be a Christian light to them, but like Nate said, don't try to do it by attending the parties and encouraging their side of the parent/child argument. They may choose not to be friends with you anymore cause you guys are not "into" the same things anymore, and that's okay.

I will be praying for you.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

[Nomes]

I think it's a good thing to tell them why. That's a good way to witness to them. I remember when I first became a Christian, I had to explain over and over to people why I've changed. Now, I have to explain a lot less, but it's generally only to new people that I meet. Witnessing, and testifying is very important. How will anybody know the truth if we don't tell them? Faith comes by hearing, right? Like Nate said and others, don't cut them off completely. Those who are truely your friend will still make an effort to spend time with you. But those who only want a drinking buddy will soon realize that's not who you are, and they will be the ones who distance themselves from you. That's what happened to me. Most of my really good friends I've known since I was a little girl. And one in particular, when she realized she was interested in entirely different things, she stopped coming around. Now I see her maybe once every 3 months or so. But I do have a few worldly friends who accept me for who I am, make an effort to hang out with me, they watch their language around me, and do things with me that wouldn't be contrary to my beliefs.

Thanks to for the advice.

Those who are truely your friend will still make an effort to spend time with you. But those who only want a drinking buddy will soon realise that's not who you are, and they will be the ones who distance themselves from you.

I really liked that and have taken it in.. It allows me to be me, not leave them. But if the need be, they can leave me.

[Nomes]

If you want to 'distance' yourself from them, you have to be open with them. By that I do not mean saying, 'I can't be around you so much because you're a bad influence and could start me on a pathway to hell". Unless of course, you want to be rid of them for good! lol.
My biggest problem with coming back to church was all my friends. They don't understand if you just say 'no' to things... you have to tell them 'why', just try not to be preachy or condescending.
If they are real friends, they want you around as more than a drinking or party buddy, and will most likely understand. Especially if you have been in the message for a long time, and they know that.

For me it was quite different. I met most of them at parties or bars, so explaining to them that I wouldn't be giong with them anymore wasn't exactly easy... but I am still friends with all of them.

Thanks. That's my low point, being honest and straighout. I tend in a way, and I hate to admit it, I can not be proud of my beliefs? Possibly ashamed. So encouragement like that is appreciated. It's what I need at the moment. To be honest with them, in a nice way.

Thanks =)

[AgapZoe]

Hey Nomes,
hi everyone! it's been quite some time since I posted,as in responding to others and am glad to have this chance to atleast respond to you Nomes and I deem it a great priviledge. :)

now,am not going to give you advice as the ones this precious saints over here have given you,maybe. Now i haven't gone thru all the responses to know what they have said....so i'm mainly concentrating on your initial qtn.

btw,that's a great qtn,and at your age,i must say,i am greatly challenged you know!

it's great to know that we have youngsters out there in this msg who are so ready to cross over to the other land and not just remain at Kardesh Barnea...

as for your friends,if they are holding your wak with God behind,you got to seek for wisdom,ask for it from above on how to keep them on the downlow in your life. all you got to do,is not to tell tehm off or keep them off,no! that aint the way to go about it. you gotta pray to God to help you out, and because they are your friends, you definitely know how to approach them and how they'll respond and all that. so start off on their level coming up,you may just win a soul for God's kingdom thru that,you know! He sure shall see you thru it. most of us,if not all of us,at some point we've had to take a stand and let go and let God take the lead in our lives. that way,yo uwont even have to worry at how you are gonna keep them at a distance in some aspects of your life that they took part in,you know.

then,

->read the msg: Influence

then,Pray about it,keep praying about it..as in this issue. will be praying for you too.

am sure all is going to be well.

God bless,
your sis, Halimah.

[AlanaH]

I agree, "Influence" is an awesome message to read.

[NeedGod]

Thanks. I also needed this... I have lots of worldly friends i need to get rid of.
....................

You're not a hermit unless you live 100 miles away from Jesus.. If you do, then hermit, you need to dehermitise

.......................

Uh a question. What if you feel you have to distance yourself from friends in the message who are not so strong and dont seem to want to be strong and therefore they cut you down? Is that right?

[HotShot53]

Just because someone is "in the message" doesn't mean they are the best Christians... there are probabaly plenty of Christians who aren't "believers" but still know God better than some "believers"....

[joris]

there are probabaly plenty of Christians who aren't "believers" but still know God better than some "believers"....that sounds nuts

[leahmb]

There are probabaly plenty of Christians who aren't "believers" but still know God better than some "believers"....

Yup..I know some of them :)

[HotShot53]

that sounds nuts

Note: saying "believers" means people who say they believe Bro Branham was a prophet, not believers in Jesus.... it's kind of the terminology we seem to have developed

[NeedGod]

thats true DJ. but what should we do with them? Get rid of them or try to be closer and influence them? Because they are our brethren no matter what they do. Its confusing

[joris]

Note: saying "believers" means people who say they believe Bro Branham was a prophet, not believers in Jesus.... it's kind of the terminology we seem to have developedI very much dislike this terminology, it's not that you are more a christian than someone who just doesn't know Bro Branham, or isn't sure about him - or disagrees with him, I might add
You certainly aren't getting to heaven because you were raised in a family of Branham "believers", though you may be getting to heaven because through that same family you learned the love of God, and became believer in Christ

(I myself, have no clue about Branham, no not at all, not seeing that restoring at all, which I believe is a restoring deep intimate relationship with Him - not a bunch of rules by themselves, and judging of people)

[joris]

thats true DJ. but what should we do with them? Get rid of them or try to be closer and influence them? Because they are our brethren no matter what they do. Its confusingI think that's really hard to say in general... though well, definately should not let their friendship weaken relationship with God

[NeedGod]

Oh, you dont know much about Branham Joris? You should read the books and tapes bro from the site i once gave you. They are awesome. Just read and listen, you'll love it. Its the pure unadultarated Word.

.................................................. .......

About friends, its hard to decide. I guess the answers are in the Word and in prayer though

[marichino_freedom]

i agree. there were some friends i absolutely HAD to let go, it was for the best. but some are still there for me and encourage me and support me in my decisions, even though they dont follow the same way. but they respect me for mine.

[leahmb]

i agree. there were some friends i absolutely HAD to let go, it was for the best. but some are still there for me and encourage me and support me in my decisions, even though they dont follow the same way. but they respect me for mine.

It's good you're able to make the distinction between certain people; it's hard sometimes for people to do. :)

[marichino_freedom]

i agree. there were conflicting spirits there, and it just needed to be.

[NeedGod]

it takes strength from God to let go of worldly friends

[Noe]

God usually removes unsuitable friends from life, one way or another, like they move away or change jobs/schools, so we end up losing contact. God has also done that with guys who started likeing me that weren't suitable.

[leahmb]

God usually removes unsuitable friends from life, one way or another, like they move away or change jobs/schools, so we end up losing contact. God has also done that with guys who started likeing me that weren't suitable.

It's nice when the change happens naturally, but sometimes we have to make a concious choice.

But a kind of funny story is that my brother met some people on a school trip (who weren't good influcences), so he got their phone numbers and probably talked to them a few times. Well...his phone got wet and he lost ALL his #s :) And since they weren't from here, he didn't have a way to get their numbers again. We told him it was 'a sign.' :D

[marichino_freedom]

sounds alright to me! :D

[NeedGod]

wow, Noe, that is great. God loves you for sure :)

[crayon]

Something which has worked for me is bringing my "worldly" friends onto my turf more than having them bring me onto their turf. For example, I have had ppl I went to high school with over for dinner several times, with my parents there. They had a blast, and they got to really get along well with my parents too, sometimes having spiritual discussions around the dinner table. And yes, some of the friends I had, I have naturally lost contact with...others, I can't seem to shake, but that isn't a bad thing!

I'll just share this...one time, I had my friends over for dinner, and when they left, we really hadn't talked about anything spiritual, didn't feel like I got anywhere with them, I mean, we had a nice time and all, but...for some reason I felt disappointed when they left. well, I went to my "family altar" book, and it was talking about casting your bread upon the water, at it will return to you ("buttered!") I had just read that scripture earlier, (the same day if I remember right) and then our pastor spoke on it in church the next day. If your heart is pure, and you want people to be influenced towards God, not to be influenced by them, or because you want to be in their "group", I think everything works together for the good of those who are the called.

yesterday, we walked into a tiny restaurant, and my brother saw a guy he was close friends with in school, and had witnessed a lot to...ten years ago. And the guy lives in another province! So keep up your testimony. You may lose touch with people, but God knows the future, your steps are ordered, and your bread may return to you much later...buttered!

[Babyruth]

:) Amen! I like that, buttered bread. :) I'm waiting for mine.

[AgapZoe]

Well well well, some good discussion over here. I got something to say over here. I pray it's appropriate and my intention is for it to serve God and bring glory to Him and Him alone.
Here I go: (smth small..)

-Just get deeper and deeper in love with God, get engrossed in the Message, love Him till you can't be able to love Him anymore...give Him all the attention till you can't have any more strength left to focus on Him, seek to get lost in Him so much that whenever you find yourself, you get on to seeking to get lost even more in Him...am sure by doing your part of loving Him and working on getting deeper in His Word, He'll take care of the rest...He'll sure do His part, He's obliged to. So, be it worldy friends, or make-believer friends...just live your life, live for Him, desire to have friends who'll help you stay in His presence, He'll surely meet that desire...for He knows the desires of our hearts and sees our deepest intentions, and He acts according to them...
God bless you all dear ones!
With Love....toodles...:)

[Angelo]

Birds of the same feather flock together. Somewhere along the way, even though best friends since childhood is not enough grounds to have permanent fellowship between a believer and his friends. You just can't be content or be strengthened. Fellowship, or friendship rather is a give and take relationship. You must receive influence from the other somehow, and that's where the trouble comes.

Rom 8:5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after teh Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

Yeah, the messge "Influence" will really help. An eagle is a bird of flight, it won't spend it's time too long in the ground, it must fly.

[emy_faithgurl]

I used to have very small problems with my worldly friends (they seemed big at the time though!) but my true friends always loved me for who I was and would never judge me. And I find there's nothing wrong with me being friends with them, as they are very decent people than most other worldly teens out there. All the worldly friends who didn't accept me went out of my life long ago. Personally, I have more trouble with my denominational friends, as they don't agree with how I see the bible and Christianity, but they love me just the same.

[redeemed]

I can see how it might be tougher with denominational Christians rather than unbelievers...normally unbelievers are ok with whatever someone believes...but nominal Christians say...'I'm a Christian too' and that's where the problems come in. But they are living the best of what they know...so if we pray for them and reach out for them...bring them onto our ground rather than going onto theirs...I think that's a good thing. :) (I hope that makes sense)