The guy being prepared - simple and modest vs. complicated, busy and rich

[cabletown]

What happens if the guy is not exactly prepared as far as what we'd expect to today's standards? What if his interest was more on heavenly things rather then earthly things? He just was more interesting in living the simple, modest life.

Not an elegant, fancy life with a nice car and nice, fancy, newer house but was content to live a simple life in a small and simple house (not a mess, not a junk yard, not dirty, but not a palace, mansion or anything that most people would be proud of either).

What if he was content to drive vehicles that all though were 10-20 years old, they were neat and running in good condition? Not junker and clunkers, but good running cars, ones that someone wouldn't exactly be proud of but yet got the job done in comfort.

What if he was interested in spending his money for the Lord? More then the customary 10%. More like every last penny as long as he had a roof over his head, a place to sleep and food on the table and his family was carried for.

Understand I am not talking about a slob or someone that can't work, is lazy or doesn't have the character to provide for his wife and family. But he is just interested in living a simple and very modest life. Someone that is really willing to dedicate his life to the work of the Lord in a way that isn't seen very much these days. Someone that would spend half of their time to help the poor, the sick, needy, widows, the church.

Would any girl want to marry a guy like that? Would any of you girls marry a guy like that?

Now would any girl that comes from a very well to do family, which has about everything anyone could ask for marry a guy like this?

What would be the odds?

Would a lifestyle like that be ok, right, good?

[Skirty]

I think any girl with real character would be thrilled to find a guy like that.

[AgapZoe]

What do oyu mean? I would LOVE to have such a man! Now,God knows that's true with my heart. You know,actually nothing belongs to us,from the breath we have to the possessions we have,we received them,in one way or the other,so why wuld I want to keep it to myself and well,while someone out there needs to receive too? I would Love a man who is ready to invest in the things of God,which by the way,are eternal,whilst all these other investments,they shall pass away...yeah,I would love a man like that for a Headhip,for a Husband,and daily I pray and believe that whoever he is,wherever he is,he's that kind of man and well,may God grant my heart's desire according to His riches in Glory and perfect will. i belive I'd be the happiest woman on earth-if God tarries...:)
Nice topic Cabletown!

[joris]

this is interesting; but wait it gets worse - what if the person would be a little less than that, not having much motivation for school/work (be aware that not being motivated is not really the same as lazy, even though the outcome might as well be the same)
-- what if that's because "work" seems more like a curse than a blessing

[BroTrevor]

Cabletown!! Great thread.

My 2 cents here. Obviously the "right" answer here is that any girl worth anything would be wise to look for such a man.

However, even tho many girls know in their heads that such a man would be a great find, they may not realize it in their hearts.

[JoeC]

I'm going to throw in a bit of balance here. ;)

Just remember that living the simple life doesn't excuse the man from preparing himself for marriage by buying a house first and getting a good job.

In the U.S. it takes 40 - 50K to just to have a self-sufficient standard of living for a 4-person family, depending on where you live. That's between $20 and $25 an hour, which means the man still has to find himself a skilled trade or study to show himself approved in college for four years.

It's wonderful to talk about living a simple life, just remember that in today's market, a simple life isn't simple to achieve. From your post, I know you weren't thinking of negligence in preparation for marriage, but I have met people that talk about the simple life that believe it's something they'll achieve working odd jobs. That's just not the case.

[Philippe]

I think any girl with real character would be thrilled to find a guy like that.

I think it is an easy answer but would you be ready for it ?

What if you won't be able to have much new clothes, purses, shoes... and everyone could see that you cannot live to the same "today's standard" as before ?

What if you have to works to help him in his ministry by working... and not working for yourself!

What if, on the other hand, he does not believe that his wife should works...

[Philippe]

I'm going to throw in a bit of balance here. ;)

Just remember that living the simple life doesn't excuse the man from preparing himself for marriage by buying a house first and getting a good job.



Well, having a house is "today's standard". Many peoples that were married about 30 years ago had to works very hard many years before even thinking to have their own home, a decent car, decent living conditions,...

The standard is now much higher than it used to be... Maybe even too high that many people think they don't event need God. This is Laodicia.

[HotShot53]

In the U.S. it takes 40 - 50K to just to have a self-sufficient standard of living for a 4-person family, depending on where you live. That's between $20 and $25 an hour, which means the man still has to find himself a skilled trade or study to show himself approved in college for four years.
That depends what standard of living you are talking about... my dad never makes more than 25-30k or so, it seems... yet he raised 4 kids well enough in Phily, an average to higher cost area. Now I know we've never had money around to splurge, but he's not in debt, either. It all depends on how much you spend on what you really don't actually need, but would just be nice to have.

[joris]

there's a whole lot of luxery today, TV and radio was a lot fourty years ago - today, it's "strange" not to have that, along with refrigerator, car, computer (with internet) ... just; oh and a real extreme... out there there still are people starving... :(

[JoeC]

That depends what standard of living you are talking about... my dad never makes more than 25-30k or so, it seems... yet he raised 4 kids well enough in Phily, an average to higher cost area. Now I know we've never had money around to splurge, but he's not in debt, either. It all depends on how much you spend on what you really don't actually need, but would just be nice to have.
Nevertheless, in today's market, I would shake my head at a guy that just hopes to get by on whatever work he can drum up. It's not just salary we're talking about here, but also job security.

The Bible says that he who doesn't provide for his family is worse than an infidel. I would do whatever I could, both for my sake and for the sake of the one's I will eventually love, to make sure that I would be able to provide. I'd not wish to risk coming under that scripture because my own foolish lack of forsight.

[HotShot53]

I agree with that... I was just saying that 40-50k isn't necessarily the number you need to spend to provide for your family ;)

[AlanaH]

I think it is an easy answer but would you be ready for it ?

What if you won't be able to have much new clothes, purses, shoes... and everyone could see that you cannot live to the same "today's standard" as before ?

But what if the girl's parents had pretty much raised her the same way, and she was content with just a little? If the guy was the right one, it wouldn't really matter. Think of the story of the little couple in the boxcar. They didn't have much, but it didn't matter to them. Now, I'm not condoning living like a complete pauper, but it is true that big money sometimes doesn't mean everything.
Just my opinion anyway.

[jordancpeterson]

I'm going to throw in a bit of balance here. ;)

Just remember that living the simple life doesn't excuse the man from preparing himself for marriage by buying a house first and getting a good job.

In the U.S. it takes 40 - 50K to just to have a self-sufficient standard of living for a 4-person family, depending on where you live. That's between $20 and $25 an hour, which means the man still has to find himself a skilled trade or study to show himself approved in college for four years.

It's wonderful to talk about living a simple life, just remember that in today's market, a simple life isn't simple to achieve. From your post, I know you weren't thinking of negligence in preparation for marriage, but I have met people that talk about the simple life that believe it's something they'll achieve working odd jobs. That's just not the case.

I agree 100%! I see nothing wrong with making over a million a year! But spending that million a year on myself... now that is another story. I'd rather use most of it for the Lord. I don't believe in being slothful in business! Our family went from living in a half a million dollar house to living in one that is under $100k. So you can save money.

[AlanaH]

I mean, hey, if the guy made tons of money, I can't say that I would mind one bit...:D
But I think if the guy was the right one, it wouldn't matter what he did or how much money he made, I would be totally happy.

[JoeC]

If he's the right one, I'm sure the Lord will make a way... but marriage life would be a lot easier if you didn't have to worry about finances at every turn.

Also, as the point has been made before, today is a lot different than in Brother Branham's day. For one thing, health code won't let you live in a boxcar. ;)

[AlanaH]

Oh, yes, of course...obviously...:)
But it still boils down to the question of how far would someone be willing to go if the guy really served the Lord, but didn't make a ton of money, if a girl would still want to marry him on that basis. And I think a lot of girls would.

[JoeC]

And I readily concede that point. I'm just trying to bring some balance so to make sure that no guy runs off these forums with the idea in his head that he needn't prepare himself naturally for marriage just because a girl might marry him anyhow. It's my job. ;)

[HotShot53]

Lol, I think the original post's intent wasn't to ask if a girl would marry a bum, but if any would marry someone who didn't have much cause of all he gave away ;) You kind of have to make some, to give it away, so it's kind of hard to be a bum and do that ;) You still do need to keep enough to support a family, however...

[EllyMae]

Thumbs up! to everything y'all have said so far. :)

We just have to be realistic. Is it realistic to own brand new cars and go on fancy trips every year? No, although if you can then you're very fortunate. However, it also isn't realistic to not properly prepare yourself for your future family just because you want have a modest lifestyle. You can still live modestly and make good money. Every person's life is different. While one person is able to go to college and increase their education, the other isn't... while one came from a wealthy family, the other didn't... while one's passion is engineering, the other's is teaching... There's a lot of factors that influence the kind of life you will have. We just have to make the best with what we have and what we're interested in. The Lord will provide if we stay in His will.

[AlanaH]

And I readily concede that point. I'm just trying to bring some balance so to make sure that no guy runs off these forums with the idea in his head that he needn't prepare himself naturally for marriage just because a girl might marry him anyhow. It's my job. ;)

And you're doing a good one! Keep up the good work!

[Skirty]

I think it is an easy answer but would you be ready for it ?

What if you won't be able to have much new clothes, purses, shoes... and everyone could see that you cannot live to the same "today's standard" as before ?

What if you have to works to help him in his ministry by working... and not working for yourself!

What if, on the other hand, he does not believe that his wife should works...
The post was not about a man who gave everything away, but a man who instead of spending extra on himself, spends it on God.
Someone who, although not at all excessive, is still a good provider.

I don't consider a man who can't give his family a comfortable home a good provider, or a man who relies on his wife to work.
(I am not saying I don't think a wife should work, but he shouldn't be depending on it)

Getting married always involves sacrifices, no matter what the circumstances. Personally, I don't know any message girls who would give up marriage to a Godly man because she'd have to cut back on her mall time.

[AlanaH]

And I 've always lived in a household where I am well provided for, but we're not hugely rich so we don't have certain little luxuries that a lot of people take for granted. (a car for each person in the house, nice vacation every year, that type of thing). But it's what I'm used to, so I wouldn't complain if I ended up in the same type of situation later, is all I'm saying. Now if Mr. Right did happen to make tons of money...that'd just be an extra added bonus. :D

[JoeC]

I am not saying I don't think a wife should work, but he shouldn't be depending on it.

Why not? Brother Branham did. :D

[BroTrevor]

Getting married always involves sacrifices, no matter what the circumstances. Personally, I don't know any message girls who would give up marriage to a Godly man because she'd have to cut back on her mall time.


You don't know many people do you...

<sad sigh>

[BroTrevor]

(grr....the 5 minute edit thing....)



Whilst I in part agree with Joe, that it does take around 40-50K to provide for a family of 5, there is plenty that a family can do as Hotshot has stated that will make life cheaper, and not dangerous or out of health code like boxcar living. Turning off the internet would save 600/yr alone plus associated power savings of not having a computer/modem/router on all the time. Many thing we take for granted these days.

Yet, I think the point of the original post was highlighted by Skirty's statement there.

Would a girl decide she was un-interested in a guy because he wore walmart clothes instead of Tommy, because he drove a Ford Escort instead of a BMW or even a nice Honda. Would she be interested in him, even if he didn't attend all the social gatherings for expensive coffee/ice cream/steaks/burgers n fries etc. Are there girls out there that are interested in a simple life, serving the Lord, where your life is more surrounded in SERVICE to the Lord, instead of social "fellowshipping"? Not only would she be interested in a guy like this, but could she conform herself to the same standard? Can she give up her BMW for riding around in his escort as a one car family. Can she give up "Mall Time" for walmart?

I think when presented with the harsh reality of the above paragraph in the face of most girls, the answer would be an un-interested "no".

Of course, we could talk about the hypocrisy in guys not being interested in very Godly girls, even tho they say they are, yet for some reason they tend to flirt with the not-so-well dressed and the popular ditzy wouldn't make a good wife if you handed them a spatula and pan kind.

[blessed]

yet for some reason they tend to flirt with the not-so-well dressed and the popular ditzy wouldn't make a good wife if you handed them a spatula and pan kind.


Ha ha ha ha ha

So cabletown are u married?

[EllyMae]

Would a girl decide she was un-interested in a guy because he wore walmart clothes instead of Tommy, because he drove a Ford Escort instead of a BMW or even a nice Honda. Would she be interested in him, even if he didn't attend all the social gatherings for expensive coffee/ice cream/steaks/burgers n fries etc. Are there girls out there that are interested in a simple life, serving the Lord, where your life is more surrounded in SERVICE to the Lord, instead of social "fellowshipping"? Not only would she be interested in a guy like this, but could she conform herself to the same standard? Can she give up her BMW for riding around in his escort as a one car family. Can she give up "Mall Time" for walmart?

*raises hand* Me.... :D I'd be very content with those things. I already shop at Walmart more than any other store, and while I would love to go to Cracker Barrell more often after church to fellowship, usually it's McDonald's and I order off the dollar menu, lol. I come from a pretty simple family, so I'm very well used to that kind of lifestyle. Although I would be satisfied with that, I'm sure there are many girls who wouldn't, like you said BroTrevor.

Of course, we could talk about the hypocrisy in guys not being interested in very Godly girls, even tho they say they are, yet for some reason they tend to flirt with the not-so-well dressed and the popular ditzy wouldn't make a good wife if you handed them a spatula and pan kind.

Ha ha...

So, I guess we can conclude here that girls want a rich fellow that can buy them everything they want, and guys want a cute girl that laughs and giggles at all the stupid things they do. :D

[Nate]

and guys want a cute girl that laughs and giggles at all the stupid things they do. :D
well... there's nothing wrong with polite laughter... :P

[BroTrevor]

So, I guess we can conclude here that girls want a rich fellow that can buy them everything they want, and guys want a cute girl that laughs and giggles at all the stupid things they do. :D

stereotypically generalizing generically speaking.

Note the use of "most" often enough in my post.

[Noe]

(grr....the 5 minute edit thing....)



Whilst I in part agree with Joe, that it does take around 40-50K to provide for a family of 5, there is plenty that a family can do as Hotshot has stated that will make life cheaper, and not dangerous or out of health code like boxcar living. Turning off the internet would save 600/yr alone plus associated power savings of not having a computer/modem/router on all the time. Many thing we take for granted these days.

Yet, I think the point of the original post was highlighted by Skirty's statement there.

Would a girl decide she was un-interested in a guy because he wore walmart clothes instead of Tommy, because he drove a Ford Escort instead of a BMW or even a nice Honda. Would she be interested in him, even if he didn't attend all the social gatherings for expensive coffee/ice cream/steaks/burgers n fries etc. Are there girls out there that are interested in a simple life, serving the Lord, where your life is more surrounded in SERVICE to the Lord, instead of social "fellowshipping"? Not only would she be interested in a guy like this, but could she conform herself to the same standard? Can she give up her BMW for riding around in his escort as a one car family. Can she give up "Mall Time" for walmart?

I think when presented with the harsh reality of the above paragraph in the face of most girls, the answer would be an un-interested "no".

Of course, we could talk about the hypocrisy in guys not being interested in very Godly girls, even tho they say they are, yet for some reason they tend to flirt with the not-so-well dressed and the popular ditzy wouldn't make a good wife if you handed them a spatula and pan kind.

i'd be content with those things too.:)

[AlanaH]

*raises hand* Me.... :D I'd be very content with those things. I already shop at Walmart more than any other store, and while I would love to go to Cracker Barrell more often after church to fellowship, usually it's McDonald's and I order off the dollar menu, lol.

Me too! I like getting new clothes and shoes (doesn't happen very often though) and I love going to "higher class" restaurants, but I eat fast food that's cheap if I have to. And I never pay full price for anything. I needed a warm winter jacket, I waited till a $70 one went on sale, then used a coupon and a ten dollar gift certificate. In short, I paid about 14 bucks for an 70 buck coat. And I get all my Cds from a discount music store, or Ebay.

[leahmb]

Well, I had a nice, long post ready, but had to exit to due the evil trojan attack...

In short: As long as they are a hard worker and a good steward with their money, I'll be happy (with that aspect :D)

I don't want to feel that I can't trust their financial judgment. That would be extremely difficult for me. But I think that is more a personal issue, than in general. Actually Krista might have that issue too, since her father's a financial planner :)

[AlanaH]

If I ever get married, I'd like to think that we'd handle them together. I know I wouldn't want to be completely in the dark about where we were financially, but I wouldn't want to do them all myself either.

[leahmb]

If I ever get married, I'd like to think that we'd handle them together. I know I wouldn't want to be completely in the dark about where we were financially, but I wouldn't want to do them all myself either.

I would probably happily do it by myself, but I somehow don't think that's right.

[Nate]

My parrents keep separate savings and checking accounts. Since they both work to provide for the house, I don't really see any big deal about it.

[marichino_freedom]

i dont see anything wrong with it either. that'd be something i'd want to do

[vpiper]

now that I jumped in towards the end. . . I married a guy like the one Cable guy described, but he didn't own a house and we are still renting. We tithe and then spend more money on gas doing his work for God. we budget it into our under 30K salary and are doing just fine, I don't get to go shopping when I want to and some times we look at each other and say"What do you want to do" "Well if we had money we could______ but since we don't want to play a board game"

We are in Love and things are going well, we are going on 5 years together. . . when God sends you the right girl you guys will both know and it will all be okay.


So is this about the Girl who lives far away from you?

[vpiper]

If I ever get married, I'd like to think that we'd handle them together. I know I wouldn't want to be completely in the dark about where we were financially, but I wouldn't want to do them all myself either.

as a couple you will have to figure it out, We have one checking and savings account, he brings home the "bacon" and I write the checks to pay the bills and buy the groceries, he might go through a whole month with out spending money on anything but gas. So times he doesn't know where we are financially, but he trusts me and can ask when ever he wants to know.

[Nate]

as a couple you will have to figure it out, We have one checking and savings account, he brings home the "bacon"

I love bacon. It can go on any food. Period.

[vpiper]

I love bacon. It can go on any food. Period.
What's funny is so does my hubby, but I hate bacon so I refuse to pick it up at the store. So when he asks for it I tell him "You are the man, you are suppose to bring home the bacon"

[Nate]

What's funny is so does my hubby, but I hate bacon so I refuse to pick it up at the store. So when he asks for it I tell him "You are the man, you are suppose to bring home the bacon"

You don't like bacon?!

You're messed up. I don't think I know anyone who doesn't like bacon. That would be like disliking air. Or water. Or butter.

[vpiper]

Ask Mary how she feels about bacon and Eggs for that matter

[marichino_freedom]

here i am....

YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

[vpiper]

I will eat bacon if it is crispy and not so fatty, but it is not my favorite and I love bacon ranch salad dressing.

[cabletown]

So cabletown are u married?

No.

So is this about the Girl who lives far away from you?

Not really, no. Anything could be relevant though in any situation.

[vpiper]

so are you only interested in girls willing to lower their financial status? Most Nice girls tend to be on average or lower financial status, not saying that she can't be nice if her dad has money, but they say money is the root of all evil.

[Nate]

but they say money is the root of all evil.

I think you mean the love of money, is the root of all evil :P

Just to be a nitpicker ;)

And the love of money is really just another form of greed, which is a deep pride in one's accomplishments and ability.

[vpiper]

thank you, I knew it sounded fun, I guess I can depend on you to fix it for me

[HotShot53]

You can love money even if you don't have any... so being rich isn't a prerequisite for that ;)

[BroTrevor]

You can love money even if you don't have any... so being rich isn't a prerequisite for that ;)

Tis truth...

I had to learn that one...

[marichino_freedom]

haha...no kidding there. but i want my kids to have a more "comfortable" life than i did, financially, so i am going to work hard to do that for them

[cabletown]

so are you only interested in girls willing to lower their financial status?

No, I'm not even looking.

[blessed]

Why? From all your post I assumed that you would at least be looking.

[tadi]

i'll give my kids the best, thats my desire, they'll lack nothing by God's grace.above all i'll teach them not to waste anything.

[HotShot53]

Why? From all your post I assumed that you would at least be looking.
He's meaning one of two things... either he's already found someone he's interested in, or he's waiting for God to bring the right one along, he's not out there "looking" himself... at least, that's what I assume he means, cause that's what I would mean by saying I'm "not looking" ;)

[AlanaH]

I think that's a lot of people's take on the matter. I'm waiting for Mr. Right to find me, and if he doesn't or there is no Mr. Right for me, then I'm happy to stay single.

[marichino_freedom]

i have no comment in this "looking" matter

:D

[countrygurl]

ahaa I'm personally of the mind set that if they don't come for you gooo out huntin' :D LOL

[marichino_freedom]

lol.....with rifle in tow...correct? (or bow & arrow?)

[leahmb]

A lasso...................

[AlanaH]

How 'bout a pair of throwin' knives? But that might hurt him, don't want to do that...ok, a lasso would work. But it's soooo....not me. Dilemma!!! :D

[marichino_freedom]

you could just get the knives to pin the clothing to a wall or something.... :shuriken:

[AlanaH]

Let's just hope then that he's not into wearing expensive designer jeans that can't get holes in them. :)

[JoeC]

I think that's a lot of people's take on the matter. I'm waiting for Mr. Right to find me, and if he doesn't or there is no Mr. Right for me, then I'm happy to stay single.

Maybe that's why there's such a market bloat of older singles in the Message lately.

32 yrs old and still w a i t i n g ....

[EllyMae]

We have to wait so long because the guys aren't looking hard enough.

:D


Actually, I don't know that for sure. Just sounded "clever"... lol

[BroTrevor]

32 yrs old and still w a i t i n g ....

In hunting, if you want to shoot a deer you have to go out to the woods where the deer are.

Sitting in your living room at home will never bring in a deer.


(a loose analogy)

[vpiper]

In hunting, if you want to shoot a deer you have to go out to the woods where the deer are.

Sitting in your living room at home will never bring in a deer.


(a loose analogy)

That's right, maybe more of these single and waiting should get out there more.

[blessed]

ahaa I'm personally of the mind set that if they don't come for you gooo out huntin' :D LOL

LOL.. okay this one made me laugh....

(i might consider it)

[Nate]

Hmm. Lets look at it from a Biblical view. Abraham sent out a servant to go looking, and he found Rebecka at the well. Rachel was at the well when she met Jacob. Joseph found his wife when he was in Egypt. Ruth was in a completely different country when she met Boaz. I'm not really going to use Esther as an example, because her situation was just messed up, when you think about it. In any case though, she was away from home when she met King Ahazerhoweveryouspellhisname. Micheal may have been at home when she met David, but David had to go out killing giants before her dad decided she was right for him. And then he gave her to another. David got her back of course, but still. Do you really want to get set up by your parrents? Moses found his wife in the desert, but she was in the desert as well, trying to water her sheep.

And that's all I can think of right now. A majority of them met at a well. I wonder if that's symbolic of the church?

[marichino_freedom]

water = life, God = life.......wells have water. i could see that

[JoeC]

In hunting, if you want to shoot a deer you have to go out to the woods where the deer are.

Sitting in your living room at home will never bring in a deer.


(a loose analogy)
Yes, and you can't fall asleep lest you miss the deer! Hence my point: A person who wants to be married when they're fourty needs to realize they have to participate in the processes that leads to getting married.

Or to go back to the analogy: If you want a deer, God may well send the deer he knows you need by your tree stand - but it's YOU who has to bag the doe! :D

So, no. As Christians we don't have to go tromping through the woods to find our mate, but we do need to be diligent in our respective tree stands. I wouldn't go out into the woods hoping to bag a deer and fall asleep in my stand, expecting God to wake me up when it comes by. The reasons God wouldn't make waking up slumbering hunters a regular practice are obvious and numerous enough.

I do not believe in the lightning philosophy. That one day lightning is gonna hit you and you'll know he or she is THE ONE. Relationships are fostered, not slammed down in front of you like a happy meal. Frankly, I think God requires a little more effort on your part - at least in 99% of the cases. Don't bet your life-long marital status on being in the 1%... unless you want to be single all your days.

My philosophy is this: Enjoy your youth. Make friends and enjoy them as friends. Don't get distracted by trying to make things happen. Keep an open mind for potential in friends of the opposite gender. Stay sensitive to the Spirit's leaning. In God's time, something will blossom somewhere. It might be in someone you knew all along. Might come entirely out of the blue. Just be a diligent guardian of your tree stand.

Btw, this "staying sensitive to potential" applies to friends of the same gender aswell. Stay sensitive to the possibilities that lie in a friendship, a seed might be there for a David & Jonathon type friendship or something between there and a shallow aquaintence. The seed might be there, but you've got to stay sensitive so you can realize the potential and cultivate it.

Just remember, God is the one who blesses unions (whether marital or platonic). It's your job to water the seeds of relationships (Prov 18:24). God is the one who ultimately comes along and brings the dynamics into play... and it's then, when that seed first starts to sprout, that you begin to realize the potential that was lying there. It may be, to your dismay, only an aquaintence. It may be a close friendship. It may be a knitting of the souls. It may be a life spent together in marriage. But you do not know until you begin to act on Prov. 18:24 and add the water yourself. It begins there.


disclaimer: these are some rough thoughts and are free to constructive criticism.

[BroTrevor]

I wouldn't go out into the woods hoping to bag a deer and fall asleep in my stand, expecting God to wake me up when it comes by.


<off point>
But how else are you supposed to nap and hunt at the same time??
</off point>

[joris]

And that's all I can think of right now. A majority of them met at a well. I wonder if that's symbolic of the church?so what are you saying? that it is a great thing to get into a relationship -- with someone from church? ;)

[Nate]

so what are you saying? that it is a great thing to get into a relationship -- with someone from church? ;)

Wasn't saying anything, or pointing anything out, bro. Just thinking out loud is all.

[marichino_freedom]

it was a good thought!

[countrygurl]

And that's all I can think of right now. A majority of them met at a well. I wonder if that's symbolic of the church?

or say church camp? ;-)

[AlanaH]

In hunting, if you want to shoot a deer you have to go out to the woods where the deer are.

Sitting in your living room at home will never bring in a deer.


(a loose analogy)

That's fine and good for the guys, but not for the girls obviously. But it's the girls who wait the longest because the guys have to actually get up the nerve to even introduce themselves generally.

[BroTrevor]

That's fine and good for the guys, but not for the girls obviously. But it's the girls who wait the longest because the guys have to actually get up the nerve to even introduce themselves generally.

Actually I think it does apply to the girls as well. The point being that if you stay home all the time, and never participate in social events where other people (read: guys) are, then how do you ever expect for a guy to meet you, fall in love with you, and marry you.

I understand that girls should not "hunt" per se, but the loose analogy still applies in my opinion

[Nate]

What's it matter if you're presentable, if you're not presenting yourself?

Is that what you're saying?

[Skirty]

Why can't girls be the ones to introduce themselves? There is a big difference between being sociable and throwing yourself at someone.

I don't expect some guy to watch from 'afar' then one day just come up and express his undying love. (Ok, that was a little far-fetched, but you get the point :D)

[vpiper]

not to preach, but Jesus spoke to the woman at the well and offered her water that would never cause her to become thirsty again.

That has nothing to do with a wife, but you are right we should be looking at the "well", not me, cause I have mine, but you know what I mean

[tadi]

we have a part to play other than just waiting,tho it requires lots of wisdom,got to be witty coz men dont fancy chicks asking them out,they'd rather do it themselves,i guess its to do with a man's ego.

i'd imagine a sister who likes a guy but she's never said hie to the guy ...i mean it should start from a friendship point of view,coz you cant marry a stranger.reminds me of ruth, she presented herself.michal soul's daughter liked david even before he got the revelation, she did drop some hints.

[JoeC]

...got to be witty coz men dont fancy chicks asking them out,they'd rather do it themselves,i guess its to do with a man's ego.

ummm. No. It has to do with leadership. The man is the leader, not just after marriage, but in all stages leading up to marriage.

Girls should show themselves friendly and introduce themselves to people. Introversion doesn't help anyone. However, if a girl tried chasing me or hinted too heavily that she liked me without my hinting first, I'd think her incredibly forward.

[marichino_freedom]

i'm all for being blunt. hints just dont cut it sometimes

[JoeC]

So you're more the outright chasing sort?

[blessed]

Umm... being blunt may not necessarily mean chasing.

[AlanaH]

But I'm not into walking up to a guy and just blurting out that I kinda like him.

[JoeC]

So, what do you mean when you say that you're all for being blunt? :misli:

[cabletown]

Why? From all your post I assumed that you would at least be looking.

I believe I have found her. Not sure though if I'm good enough to be a good husband though.

[marichino_freedom]

Umm... being blunt may not necessarily mean chasing.


exactly.....shouldnt beat around the bush. nothing ever gets done that way.....with anything (relationship or not)

[vpiper]

I just don't think that the girl should be the one to put themselves out there. saying Hi, being nice to the guy and his friends should be enough until he decides to find out if she likes him, then he can ask

[marichino_freedom]

my point is, if everyone just keeps everything to themselves, nothing ever gets acomplished. so, best not to keep her waiting! :D

[HotShot53]

jumping at the wrong one doesn't help too much, either, though ;)

[marichino_freedom]

no, thats why if girls like someone, they shouldnt act like they dont

hence: blunt. i'm not saying they should pounce on the guy, but dont ignore them completely.....find a happy medium

[Cherith F.]

Interesting perspectives everyone.

I know someone (a Guy) who hasn't said anything to me but he stares with google eyes. Makes me kind of uneasy around him, not to mention the fact that iI only met him a couple of months ago and I don't like him in that way. It makes me laugh though because I have a 13 year old sister and it just drives her crazy. Note guys: I am laughing at my immature sister.

[vpiper]

no, thats why if girls like someone, they shouldnt act like they dont

hence: blunt. i'm not saying they should pounce on the guy, but dont ignore them completely.....find a happy medium

happy medium sounds good

[Noe]

Interesting perspectives everyone.

I know someone (a Guy) who hasn't said anything to me but he stares with google eyes. Makes me kind of uneasy around him, not to mention the fact that iI only met him a couple of months ago and I don't like him in that way. It makes me laugh though because I have a 13 year old sister and it just drives her crazy. Note guys: I am laughing at my immature sister.

i know a guy who likes to just stare. it freaked my friends and me out:). thats just him, he stares at everyone and his favourite hobby is to flirt which really annoys me.

[vpiper]

sounds like he needs a new hobby

[Noe]

yeah.
i keep telling him to quit being annoying

[AlanaH]

And after all, how does one get rid of someone (that you definitely know you could never marry) and still be nice, and not hurt them too bad? Any suggestions? Especially when the guy thinks there's totally something going, and the girl doesn't and never will?

[HotShot53]

And after all, how does one get rid of someone (that you definitely know you could never marry) and still be nice, and not hurt them too bad? Any suggestions? Especially when the guy thinks there's totally something going, and the girl doesn't and never will?

I think you got to tell them it straight... and if they keep it up, give them a cold shoulder or something... nothing less will really get them to stop probably... if the person doesn't want to tell them herself, then she should at least have one of her friends kind of let the guy know somehow...

[Philippe]

someone that you definitely know you could never marry

How do you know?

Some peoples do changes their mind (or God let them see things in another way...)

[HotShot53]

How do you know?

Some peoples do changes their mind (or God let them see things in another way...)

Lol, reminds me of one of the stories in "Boy meets Girl" by Joshua Harris... he tells about one girl who threw an actual crying fit when her dad told her a guy asked to court her, cause she didn't like him at all, and liked someone else... her dad was smart enough to tell the guy to not take her first answer as her final answer, though, and a couple years later they did get married ;)

So I'll amend my previous answer to "tell it to the guy straight... but if you change your mind later, that's fine too"

[Nate]

Lol, reminds me of one of the stories in "Boy meets Girl" by Joshua Harris... he tells about one girl who threw an actual crying fit when her dad told her a guy asked to court her, cause she didn't like him at all, and liked someone else... her dad was smart enough to tell the guy to not take her first answer as her final answer, though, and a couple years later they did get married ;)

So I'll amend my previous answer to "tell it to the guy straight... but if you change your mind later, that's fine too"

I think books like that are silly, because relationships aren't cut and dry. Humans are wet and squishy and made of meat. Their relationships tend to be about the same.

[HotShot53]

I think books like that are silly, because relationships aren't cut and dry. Humans are wet and squishy and made of meat. Their relationships tend to be about the same.

Yeah, relationships are far from cut and dried... which makes having Biblical guidelines a very good idea. I would highly recommend both of Joshua Harris' books... "I kissed dating goodbye" shows what's wrong with the world's system of dating, while "Boy meets girl" gives his recommendations (based on the Bible and what he's seen in his own and others' lives) for how to go about courting in a Godly manner.

[AlanaH]

How do you know?

Some peoples do changes their mind (or God let them see things in another way...)

Unless her and her parents distinctly do not approve and God has made it clear that he's not the guy for her...

[Cherith F.]

And after all, how does one get rid of someone (that you definitely know you could never marry) and still be nice, and not hurt them too bad? Any suggestions? Especially when the guy thinks there's totally something going, and the girl doesn't and never will?

AlanaH I am glad someone can see what I am talking about. It's not necissarily that you don't like the person you just don't want to marry them.

[AlanaH]

Oh yeah, the guy is a great friend of the girl, but he is talking like he maybe wants to go for serious, and she doesn't and never wants to. It's a complicated situation. Made even worse by the fact that her parents don't approve of the guy at all, but his parents are after the girl with a metaphorical butterfly net/lasso...

[cabletown]

And after all, how does one get rid of someone (that you definitely know you could never marry) and still be nice, and not hurt them too bad? Any suggestions? Especially when the guy thinks there's totally something going, and the girl doesn't and never will?

Just have your father tell them. Don't make a big deal about it with them though.

[AlanaH]

Whoa, whoa, who says we're talking about me? I sure didn't...

[cabletown]

Sorry, wasn't thinking it was you either. Should have worded it different.

[AlanaH]

How about the girl's mother and the guy's mother talk? They do, and it could probably be brought up in casual conversation that the girl's not even interested in getting married for a long time...kinda the round-about way, you know? Ideas on that?

[HotShot53]

How about the girl's mother and the guy's mother talk? They do, and it could probably be brought up in casual conversation that the girl's not even interested in getting married for a long time...kinda the round-about way, you know? Ideas on that?

That might work... but the "not interested in getting married for a while" leaves the door open, it might need to be stronger than that, if it really is... and if the guy's parents are encouraging the guy in the first place, the message may not get through...

[AlanaH]

Oh yeah, the guys parents are majorly pushing it…his mom’s always trying to invite the girl out to different places, shopping, over for lunch, whatever, under the guise of “wanting to get to know her better.” And his parents and hers aren’t even that good of friends to begin with. The moms talk occasionally, but the dads hardly even acknowledge each other and the girl doesn’t really know the mom at all, and she’s not even friends with his sister that much either. So it’s totally an awkward situation.

But thanks for the input on that. She wasn’t sure if that little hint would be enough or not, especially when they’re so dedicated to pursuing her.

[Skirty]

Just have to vent about one of the suggestions... DO NOT have a friend tell him, unless they are still in the 4th grade.
She has to be stright with the guy, but he has feelings too... Don't be sending the parents in fully loaded, especially if these are only speculations.
If she is good friends with this guy, she should be able to say that she is not ready for marriage, and that will not change til the right guy comes along.
Or however she wants to word it.
Coming from a parent, especially a father will destroy a friendship... especially if it's his parents taking it more seriously than he is.

(I hope that made some sense. I am not saying you can't have you'r parents deal with it, but have them do it very tactfully. Sending her dad to talk to his dad is NOT tactful.)

[Philippe]

DO NOT have a friend tell him.

Don't be sending the parents in fully loaded, especially if these are only speculations.


I do agree that a girl should be very careful if she select to have someone talk to that brother as it may really affect the frienship between the brother and the person that was sent particulary if that last person take it way too much seriously.

[Philippe]

Oh yeah, the guys parents are majorly pushing it…his mom’s always trying to invite the girl out to different places, shopping, over for lunch, whatever, under the guise of “wanting to get to know her better.”

Well, I don't think that other peoples should put too much pressure on a girl... In fact, this might be one of the reason the girl want to say "No".

[marichino_freedom]

Just have to vent about one of the suggestions... DO NOT have a friend tell him, unless they are still in the 4th grade.
She has to be stright with the guy, but he has feelings too... Don't be sending the parents in fully loaded, especially if these are only speculations.
If she is good friends with this guy, she should be able to say that she is not ready for marriage, and that will not change til the right guy comes along.
Or however she wants to word it.
Coming from a parent, especially a father will destroy a friendship... especially if it's his parents taking it more seriously than he is.

(I hope that made some sense. I am not saying you can't have you'r parents deal with it, but have them do it very tactfully. Sending her dad to talk to his dad is NOT tactful.)


i agree......the best way is to do it yourself....not a friend or parent.

here's something for me to throw at you all. mom likes said boy, dad hates him, but does not give a reason. daughter does not agree with dad on anything (for the most part). dad stops speaking to daughter.

hmmmm

[AlanaH]

Thanks for the input everyone...I'm sure it will mean a lot.

[vpiper]

i agree......the best way is to do it yourself....not a friend or parent.

here's something for me to throw at you all. mom likes said boy, dad hates him, but does not give a reason. daughter does not agree with dad on anything (for the most part). dad stops speaking to daughter.

hmmmm


In a Godly family where the father is a strong believer it is best for you to include in him in all aspects of the relationship. it helps you to stay accountable for your actions. I know not all Girls int he message have believing parents and that makes seeing the right thing to do hard.

[marichino_freedom]

ah....so you understood. :D

[vpiper]

No I didn't get it then, before I got married for a long time, but now I see both sides and you have to know what side the person is on before trying to push one solution, so IF your Dad is in the message THEN it will be a good idea to keep him involved.

I personally Do not even have a father living nor did my father raise me.

[marichino_freedom]

true.....mine is just jealous i think :D cuz i'm happy

[Philippe]

In a Godly family where the father is a strong believer it is best for you to include in him in all aspects of the relationship. it helps you to stay accountable for your actions.

Well, we can have strong believer parents but they might have a point of view that is so far from us and they might not have an appropriate experience to really understand us particulary if they were in the world when the met themself.

[vpiper]

Well, we can have strong believer parents but they might have a point of view that is so far from us and they might not have an appropriate experience to really understand us particulary if they were in the world when the met themself.

That is true, but if you were completely honest with your parents, it would be harder for you to be kissing on someone, the guilt of knowing it is wrong doesn't always cut it

[Nate]

true.....mine is just jealous i think :D cuz i'm happy
Tried asking him what he thinks Seth will be like 20 years from now?

If I had a daughter, and some dude had his eye on her, I'd be asking myself what kind of man I thought he'd be. I dunno. Maybe that's just me. I'm not too concerned with love, because I know that's something different than a lot of people think anyway. I don't care about appearance. I've made instant friends with some of the strangest looking people out there. The things I'd watch for are what his ambitions are, and what his passions are, and what his work ethic's like. I think those are the things any father, christian or not will respect. That and how he treats his mom.

[marichino_freedom]

yeah, thats the thing.....you cant make any opinions/judgements on 15 minutes. thats it. and that was over 3 years ago.

but then again, my dad thinks i'm crazy too, for even going to church.

[AlanaH]

Tried asking him what he thinks Seth will be like 20 years from now?

If I had a daughter, and some dude had his eye on her, I'd be asking myself what kind of man I thought he'd be. I dunno. Maybe that's just me. I'm not too concerned with love, because I know that's something different than a lot of people think anyway. I don't care about appearance. I've made instant friends with some of the strangest looking people out there. The things I'd watch for are what his ambitions are, and what his passions are, and what his work ethic's like. I think those are the things any father, christian or not will respect. That and how he treats his mom.

And I've always been told to look at his dad (or an older male member of the family) too, because that's generally who he'll look to for an example of how to act towards his wife. (how his dad acts towards his mom).
Not always, but a lot of the time.

[marichino_freedom]

i agree.....yes, i do agree (i dont like the word minimum :012: )

[Philippe]

And I've always been told to look at his dad (or an older male member of the family) too, because that's generally who he'll look to for an example of how to act towards his wife. (how his dad acts towards his mom).
Not always, but a lot of the time.

And then all girls will not want (to marry) that boy because of his father :think:

even if the boy did improve a lot over his father in his attitude and such.

I think that there is a sister made for each brother even those who do not have a perfect father.

Anyway, a girl should look at the Heavenly Father of a boy... He can changes life.

[Nate]

And then all girls will not want (to marry) that boy because of his father :think:

even if the boy did improve a lot over his father in his attitude and such.

I think that there is a sister made for each brother even those who do not have a perfect father.

Anyway, a girl should look at the Heavenly Father of a boy... He can changes life.

Heh. I wanted to say something like that, but you did it just fine.

[marichino_freedom]

sounds good to me....

methinks a few posts went a-missing

[JoeC]

What I heard was that a girl should look at how a guy treats the women in his family, because that's how he'll be treating you. From a guy's perspective, I tend to agree.

I've also heard that the way a girl treats her father will be the way she treats her husband. Girls? What think ye?

[AlanaH]

That's true too, I think. A lot of guys tend to stay away from the girls who are always trying to boss their dad around. Just an observance.

[Cherith F.]

What I heard was that a girl should look at how a guy treats the women in his family, because that's how he'll be treating you. From a guy's perspective, I tend to agree.

I've also heard that the way a girl treats her father will be the way she treats her husband. Girls? What think ye?


I agree on both of these observations. It's the truth.

[BroTrevor]

I've also heard that the way a girl treats her father will be the way she treats her husband. Girls? What think ye?

I just heard this on Family Life Today, whilst driving home.

If a girl will not respect her father what makes you think she'll respect her husband?

There was alot else, it was a pretty good radio broadcast.

[AlanaH]

And at the same time that we're discussing this here. That's pretty neat.

[leahmb]

I just heard this on Family Life Today, whilst driving home.

If a girl will not respect her father what makes you think she'll respect her husband?

There was alot else, it was a pretty good radio broadcast.

http://www.oneplace.org/ministries/FamilyLife_Today/

If anyone wants to listen.....

[blessed]

If a girl will not respect her father what makes you think she'll respect her husband?



I have been thinking on this for the past couple days! And I have realised that even if your father is an unbeliever (as in my case) I still have to show him respect, obey him as long as it does not contradict to my faith because its a commandment to Honor thy mother and thy father, and its the only commandment with a promise. Who knows maybe me being respectful no matter what may in some way help in leading him back to the Lord.

[Babyruth]

I have been thinking on this for the past couple days! And I have realised that even if your father is an unbeliever (as in my case) I still have to show him respect, obey him as long as it does not contradict to my faith because its a commandment to Honor thy mother and thy father, and its the only commandment with a promise. Who knows maybe me being respectful no matter what may in some way help in leading him back to the Lord.
Amen sister. I'm believing with you.

[jordancpeterson]

I agree! :) It's hard to do it sometimes. Even if they are believers. The devil makes me mad! :y14:

[AlanaH]

Can't wait to see the Devil meet his end...I wanna help!

[Sara]

Would any girl want to marry a guy like that? Would any of you girls marry a guy like that? Now would any girl that comes from a very well to do family, which has about everything anyone could ask for marry a guy like this? What would be the odds? Would a lifestyle like that be ok, right, good?

I've been reading about Brother Branham's life story and i believe that you have described a man like him. And yes, any girl filled with the Holy Ghost would love to marry a man like that. Sister Hope did. She married Brother Branham and if you've read, you know that times were not easy for them back then. Yet, she loved him and stood by his side no matter how difficult the circumstances. I know want to do that... a lifestyle like that would be ok.

If not... it would mold your character to a point where it'll make it OK. :ninja:

[Sara]

And I readily concede that point. I'm just trying to bring some balance so to make sure that no guy runs off these forums with the idea in his head that he needn't prepare himself naturally for marriage just because a girl might marry him anyhow. It's my job. ;)

:surrender Oh yes, and i agree with this one too. Most definately.

Sorry for replying twice... i didn't realize the post was so long and i'm trying to catch up!!!

[Sara]

I just realized that i'm totally off topic now (and that we can't erase posts??? when did this happen??? I've been gone for so looong!!!) Ok, ok, sowwwy... just catching up.

Oh yeah, and... ever heard of the message "The Choosing of A Bride?"

Loved it... very interesting... not the choosing of a grooooooom girls...

The choosing of a bride. :worthy:

[HotShot53]

(and that we can't erase posts??? when did this happen??? I've been gone for so looong!!!)

(You can still edit and delete your own posts, as long as it's within 5 min of you making it... and welcome back :))

[Sara]

Welcome back for the 100000000th time? Hehehe... thanks DJ.

It's all about Chris. :chris: DOES ANYONE REMEMBER CHRIS???

[HotShot53]

Lol, yeah, I remember the whole thing ;)

[blessed]

Poor Chris.. had to lose his name :no:

[jtucker]

either i was gone for to long or came after the chris incident, so i don't know anything about it

[Sara]

Maybe DJ can direct you to the thread...

I can't find it.

:chris:

[HotShot53]

http://www.yqnews.org/forums/showpost.php?p=37494&postcount=1 that's the post you complained about it in... I thought there was more discussion about it, but I can't find it off hand...

[Babyruth]

I remember that whole thing with Chris. :chris: You know, for the first time in a long time, when hovering my mouse over him, I see the name "Sara." I know Joe changed it, but it didn't change on my computer. I guess it finally did. :D