Observing and finding out more about a girl

[cabletown]

What recommendations would you have for a guy that is interested in a girl that is thousands of miles away? Ways that he can find out more about a girl and making the most of his trips to the area.

[vpiper]

get to know her family, start communicating with her father

[Babyruth]

What recommendations would you have for a guy that is interested in a girl that is thousands of miles away? Ways that he can find out more about a girl and making the most of his trips to the area.
Um, I would recommend praying first, and then asking your parents, pastor, etc. I don't know if asking us is a great idea. We might have different convictions and ideas. If you want what is good, I would pray and talk to the above mentioned people. Not that I don't think we should help, it's just a bit of a personal thing.

[leahmb]

What recommendations would you have for a guy that is interested in a girl that is thousands of miles away? Ways that he can find out more about a girl and making the most of his trips to the area.

Stalk her on the internet.....

Or a little more seriously, if she does have anything on the internet (ie. myspace, blog) see how she portrays herself there. When you are a trip i the area try to see how she interacts with people. Talk to her pastor. Just a few suggestions.

[cabletown]

get to know her family, start communicating with her father
Ok, let's say her family also lives thousands of miles away too. And how would you start a conversation with the father? Especially if you are just sort of checking her out and really just want to know more general information about her.

Um, I would recommend praying first, and then asking your parents, pastor, etc. I don't know if asking us is a great idea. We might have different convictions and ideas. If you want what is good, I would pray and talk to the above mentioned people. Not that I don't think we should help, it's just a bit of a personal thing.
Good point on prayer. So how much prayer? Is a guy supposed to go out in the woods and fast and pray for 3 weeks? I heard of one man that did that. By praying what do we mean? In this situation the brother has prayed. He's just not sure how much prayer needs to be done. So far he feels good about it though.
Let's say a guy has talked to his parents but still hasn't talked to his pastor because he would like to just know a bit more about the girl. The brother is planning on talking to his pastor though. The pastor doesn't know the girl though... would that make a difference at this stage of the game? Is it that important right now?
Stalk her on the internet.....
Or a little more seriously, if she does have anything on the internet (ie. myspace, blog) see how she portrays herself there. When you are a trip i the area try to see how she interacts with people. Talk to her pastor. Just a few suggestions.
Heh, yeah stalk her... yeah, right! Ok, so lets say this girl doesn't do any blogs or anything like that. And trips to the area; he's working on that (but they do cost money and he's wanting to save as much as he can for the future). And talking to her pastor... it's probably to early to do that. But with that said how early is too early? Should you just give the pastor a call or something? Go visit him for a face to face meeting? Would you want someone contacting your pastor if someone was interested in you and your father didn't even know it yet?

[Nate]

Call her dad, talk to her mom, ask her if they think she's seeing anyone or has her eye on someone. Get that out of the way.
After that, ask 'em if it's okay if you try to get to know her.

Then ask her anything else. Don't ask them the things she's into. Don't try to get any inside information. That kind of stuff's the same as stalking.

You want to know about her, then man up and ask her yourself.

[Babyruth]

About the prayer thing, as much prayer as is needed. How serious is this guy depends on how much prayer. If he's not that serious, a little prayer might not do anything. But if he is serious, God is who he would consult first and God is the one who knows anyway, so I'd definately go to God.

[Noe]

something i was told a couple of weeks ago. ( it was just a random piece of advise thrown into the convo)
This person said "Start thanking God for your partner and he will bring you together at the right time." She also said her son thanked God for friends for a year before God gave him friends. He got 8 friends all at one time and to this day they are the best of friends.
Don't know if thats any help to anyone.

[HotShot53]

Call her dad, talk to her mom, ask her if they think she's seeing anyone or has her eye on someone. Get that out of the way.
After that, ask 'em if it's okay if you try to get to know her.

Lol, at the stage it sounds like he's at now, he's not going to be talking to the parents...

It's too bad she doesn't get online, though... chatting with people is a good way of finding out about them without them really knowing you are thinking about them... especially if you chat with everyone around ;) Phone calls are a bit more forward... but if you talk to people from all over on the phone, you could get away with calling her, and maybe some of her friends... don't really know what else to really suggest ;)

[AlanaH]

Make sure that her church/parents/etc doesn't think calling is off-limits. A few people I know recieved such a call, and they got really offended. Especially if you've never really met them before, it's a very awkward situation. Even if you have met, the girl just may not be comfortable talking on the phone to a guy.
Just a tip.

[JoeC]

Wow. Sounds like long distance stuff is super-complicated... especially if you want to do it right. :(

[jordancpeterson]

Yeah! No kidding! :D

[Babyruth]

I think an internet relationship is extremely scary. I've already voiced my opinions about them a while ago. I think they are very scary and long-distance relationships aren't much better. Too much trouble. :)

[Nate]

I think an internet relationship is extremely scary. I've already voiced my opinions about them a while ago. I think they are very scary and long-distance relationships aren't much better. Too much trouble. :)

Yeah. It's easier to just get a mail order bride. :P

[Babyruth]

Yeah. It's easier to just get a mail order bride. :P
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!:eek: :shocked: :moron: :jawdrop: :gun_banda

How disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Never ever ever ever ever ever ever.... will that happen.

[AlanaH]

I laughed....
My dad once said that he would never have a long distance relationship...until his girlfriend (who later became my mom) moved from FL to Kentucky and he would drive 15 hours one way to go see her on the weekends...

[marichino_freedom]

cant say i've ever tried, but if it came down to it, i would do the long distance thing

abscense makes the heart grow fonder, right? ;)


ruth, your winkies are funny

[AgapZoe]

Woh,you got a discussiom going on here,huh! You know,this has made me think about this: "Why would God allow this internet thing to come into this world if He won't use it to His Glory?"-Like,eh..fellowshiping around and about God's Word and eventually making friends with bros and sisters from all over the world. EEh,maybe,just maybe..this is also a way of letting people know that God can't be limited,you know? As much as this kinda relationship is scary,what I usually tell my friends,and myself is that, 'if you are meant for each other,no matter how far you may be from each other,God will surely have His provided way for you to meet and start associating,in His Name and eventualy..you hear guys visited each other and the rest might..(read Might or might not)..become history. ;-)..but I gotta say this: You got to remain in God's perfect will and I believe as much as this kinda thing seems scary and hard to tackle,God'll deal with it in such a simple way that,if you are meant for each other..or whoever the person in qtn is...it shall be,according to His predestined Plan! Yeah,Prayer...and wholly depending upon Him is what I'd recommend. :) God bless.

[AlanaH]

A girl I know met her future husband on a believer's site a few years ago. So it can obviously happen.

[vpiper]

my friend here in Kansas just Got married to a Sister from Florida. and they did the long distance thing and it worked, but He tends to be a complainer and She commented about how they were "working on it" I commented "You don't marry potential" and she said "I didn't marry this cause he wasn't like this in front of me before." I found it funny, They have a lot to work out, but I know God Brought them together.

[AlanaH]

That's the trouble, I think, with a lot of people is that they get married before they truly know them first.

[joris]

That's the trouble, I think, with a lot of people is that they get married before they truly know them first.true... but just watch, you might end up doing exactly the same. Saying stuff about others is always so easy; getting it right yourself isn't that easy
when do you "truly know someone"? being good friend, close friends, it's different from actually living together, in the same home, continuesly, right?

[Philippe]

That's the trouble, I think, with a lot of people is that they get married before they truly know them first.

From "Brownies points" thread:
I was not there and I do not know the Preacher that was speaking, but I think it is a good idea to marry as soon as you found the right one. You don't want to leave room for Temptation to creep in, the more comfortable you get with the person the blurry the line gets, not saying that you won't be able to stay away from it. And We don't know when Christ is coming back so why waste your life waiting to save up something that you can't take with you.

Between these two extremes, I think there is a middle...I think that when we have found the right one (and the other person is also sure to have found the right one), a few months should be enough to get to knows each other better and prepare for the weddings.

Philippe

[AlanaH]

true... but just watch, you might end up doing exactly the same. Saying stuff about others is always so easy; getting it right yourself isn't that easy
when do you "truly know someone"? being good friend, close friends, it's different from actually living together, in the same home, continuesly, right?

Personally, though (even though that is true), I'm going to wait awhile before getting married even when I do find Mr. Right. And that's even if I get married at all.

[joris]

Personally, though (even though that is true), I'm going to wait awhile before getting married even when I do find Mr. Right. And that's even if I get married at all.to me it's still far from obvious how you'd know who's that Mr Right for you, (or how to recognise a Miss Right for me ;))

[blessed]

I have not the slightest idea on that one Joris... I guess you will just know

[vpiper]

Between these two extremes, I think there is a middle...I think that when we have found the right one (and the other person is also sure to have found the right one), a few months should be enough to get to knows each other better and prepare for the weddings.

Philippe

yeah there is a middle ground, but there is always going to be something that you are going to not like about a person and You as a couple have to work it out when you can, That's what I'm doing right now with my hubby and his "I don't feel like doing anything" mood today.

[EllyMae]

to me it's still far from obvious how you'd know who's that Mr Right for you, (or how to recognise a Miss Right for me ;))

Well Joris, as hard as it is for us to comprehend, God indeed has ONE person out there for us.

Many people talk about the book of Revelation, and how it is impossible to understand it. Then why did God put it in the bible? We are able to understand it by revelation.

Same way with finding our soul mate. Why would God have one person out there for us, if it's impossible to find them? It will be a revelation from God. We will just know... :)

[joris]

Same way with finding our soul mate. Why would God have one person out there for us, if it's impossible to find them? It will be a revelation from God. We will just know... :)well that's some thought I've been struggling with too, not too sure about that idea yet
you base that on Genesis 2, right?

[EllyMae]

Why would that be a struggle to you?

Isn't it comforting to know we can make the right decisions because the Lord reveals to them us? It is for me...

In Matthew 16:18 Jesus says "...upon this rock I will build my church..." Brother Branham says that rock is revelation.

Everything we know about the Lord, about His Word comes by revelation. Knowing our soul mate also comes by revelation.

[joris]

Why would that be a struggle to you?it's a big a struggle to accept that idea; still am not quite sure whether there's any such promise ;) might be if I could see that promise somewhere; oh well I guess I got to lean on the promises on prayer then :)

it's been worse though - before I believed (when I was longing for relationship so much, mistaken that to be that love I needed)... well I couldn't believe that, even though people were trying to tell me that

[marichino_freedom]

yep, just pray. all in good time, my friend

[countrygurl]

The long distance relationship thing is hard. but I have seen it work out well for alot of people. I think it depends alot on the personality and character of the people involved..and You defiantly don't have spending too much time together as a problem..

[HotShot53]

it's even harder to find someone nearby, and not have something long distance ;) I know for me, there really isn't even someone around here that people could tease me about, let alone like and get married to...

[countrygurl]

it's even harder to find someone nearby, and not have something long distance ;) I know for me, there really isn't even someone around here that people could tease me about, let alone like and get married to...

yeah it is. here there are no guys that I would seriously consider, oh wait there just aren't any guys....Now in other places there are...;-) and that is what makes it hard..As a girl you can't just go to a church.....actually think i will stop before i dig myself into a hole...:D

[HotShot53]

why? it's fun to see others in holes...

yeah, I have the option of moving somewhere, if I really want to... though unless some job pops up out of nowhere (like one almost did), chances are I won't be moving any time soon ;)

[countrygurl]

I really don't want to dig that hole because there are a few ppl on here that would say...Kristin..that is what you do...so I don't want to incriminate myself haha

It's harder for a girl to move away, I think. than for a guy...?

[EllyMae]

It's harder for a girl to move away, I think. than for a guy...?

I happen to agree. I think emotionally it is harder for a girl to move. I'm speaking in general, although I'm sure there are some exceptions under different circumstances. And for the most part, it's usually expected for the girl to move. At least from what I've seen. Would you all agree?

[HotShot53]

countrygurl was referring to it being harder for a girl to move away before marriage, i.e. to move close to a guy she might like ;)

but in general, it seems that when getting married, the girl moves to where the guy is, cause the guy usually has a job there... my mom likes it that way for us guys... but wants the reverse to happen for my sister ;)

[countrygurl]

countrygurl was referring to it being harder for a girl to move away before marriage, i.e. to move close to a guy she might like ;)

but in general, it seems that when getting married, the girl moves to where the guy is, cause the guy usually has a job there... my mom likes it that way for us guys... but wants the reverse to happen for my sister ;)

that is what I was referring too. It is just a little different for the girl to be the one, if you know what I mean.
But yes, when getting married the girl is usually the one that moves. Unfair!! haha The guy is supposed to be the one that leaves his family!!

[SisTrev]

the guy left his family in my instance.

Trevor moved to where i was living. (Thank goodness) And I'm very happy for it.!!! I would NOT want to live in South Dakota.

[EllyMae]

countrygurl was referring to it being harder for a girl to move away before marriage, i.e. to move close to a guy she might like ;)


Oh, I gotcha. I probably misunderstood, because I've never heard of someone moving somewhere for someone they just like, but not commited to.

[blessed]

the guy left his family in my instance.

Trevor moved to where i was living. (Thank goodness) And I'm very happy for it.!!! I would NOT want to live in South Dakota.

Does BroT have any single friend who may consider moving :D

[countrygurl]

I guess I can't explain what i mean on here very well!! sorry!:012:

[EllyMae]

My pastor has claimed that none of the sisters at his church are allowed to move. :D Haha, he was just kidding though.

Although.... we could use more guys. Our youth is all girls and 1 guy (who is already married). :D

[HotShot53]

I think I misworded it with the "might like"... I hedge what I say a bit too much, with too many might's, and probably's, and such... ignore most of them ;)

[countrygurl]

Hm possibly...

there are 3 guys at my church.. One is engaged (He just started coming to church), the other two are from the Ukraine and not marriage material..(not because they are Ukrainian, they just aren't) so pretty much I'd have to convert someone or find someone who lives somewhere else..(which worked for me, I'll let you know how well later...:D)

[blessed]

Hm possibly...

there are 3 guys at my church.. One is engaged (He just started coming to church), the other two are from the Ukraine and not marriage material..(not because they are Ukrainian, they just aren't) so pretty much I'd have to convert someone or find someone who lives somewhere else..(which worked for me, I'll let you know how well later...:D)

I'd would recommend finding someone who lives somewher else.. (which is what I may end up doing.. cause there is NO .. zit .. nada.. not a single guy at my church) anyhow.. The converting someone is a really bad bad bad idea.. I personally don't like it. Especially, since that person is going to be your head and lead you in spiritual matters.

[jordancpeterson]

In ref. to girls moving to a place where guys are so there is more chance of getting hitched...

Girls... I know it can be hard at times but I would seriously pray about moving away from the protection of your parents (especially your father). God will in time lead the right one to you. Don't get in a hurry and worry about it (unless you feel it indeed is very much the will of the Lord, don't let it be His permissive will).

[EllyMae]

In ref. to girls moving to a place where guys are so there is more chance of getting hitched...

Girls... I know it can be hard at times but I would seriously pray about moving away from the protection of your parents (especially your father). God will in time lead the right one to you. Don't get in a hurry and worry about it (unless you feel it indeed is very much the will of the Lord, don't let it be His permissive will).

Ahha! A man who knows what he's talking about.... :D

[countrygurl]

Oh..but does he? HAHA

[leahmb]

KRISTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup, you dug a hole. I think lots of prayer is a good plan. Typically I've seen the guy move at least temporarily to where the girl lives for say a 'getting to know them' time. After that, it can go either way. We've had brothers move to our church for good because their wife was here, others 'stole' the sister from here and took them back to where they came from. Or....brothers have brought their brides back after a time of living away.

Alot depends on the ministry involved, jobs, family, and other good stuff :D

[marichino_freedom]

i have to move when it comes time for more school. i dont mind moving though. it might be nice to have change. i cant expect a certain someone to go to, but i know that when the time is right, he would. just as i would do the same.

everything has this habit of falling into place.

[vpiper]

things do tend to work themselves out when it comes to people getting together.